


In the Air and the Sea

by Ijustneededanewname



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, adjusting to life, ex-soldiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 14:40:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 79,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ijustneededanewname/pseuds/Ijustneededanewname
Summary: Navy SEAL Erwin Smith meets a pilot at a formal dinner, the first he speaks with in a while that isn't direly interested in his military life, but instead in who he truly is. They both struggle to bring about the honest person beneath the military exterior, and when the chances come, they're not sure if they have the bravery to take it.Yeah I wrote this before, only around three chapters, but I was having publishing difficulties and decided to start anew in order to bring a better reading chance for readers, and to really test myself compared to the other stories I have written in the past. Hopefully this can be enjoyed. Think of it as a far better revision.





	1. Chapter 1

Childhood spent by the sea. Waves crashing in and pulling at the sand, pulling the land to meet and carving the cliffs that held up the favorite park next to the house. Windchimes hung in the backgarden swayed in the salt filled breeze, made of bronze and steel, wood and light metal, shaped into ships or birds, bugs and one even a dragon. One was a fish, wading out to sea and always facing the ocean when it could. The waves sung the children to sleep, and the moon seated itself upon the water during the dawn where it had to retire again.

The fresh air filled their lungs and kept them going, the large chained fence keeping him back from tumbling far into the water when his father couldn't watch him. So much unexplored, unknown, he wanted to be the first to find a new type of creature living within the depths. It was so dark, mysterious, yet bright and beautiful. And he felt it belonged to him. The ocean was a gift to him, and one he knew, he would never grow tired of.

As the wind blew harshly, bring in higher tides and the seagulls screamed above, strong legs pumped long legs across the sand, rather pale for the day but the sun was beginning to make itself seen through the fog that had kept itself strong within the air. Surfers were already out in the water, wading out or trying to get a good wave to come back in, eyes watching them before they turned back to where he was running, just to avoid taking a misstep onto a jagged edged rock.

Shorts and a loose, thin hoodie with just bought running shoes were the uniform for the day, keeping him pumping across the long shore up until the long, winding wooden steps aching up the side of the cliff face and following the cement trail around the benches and palm trees, sucked of color on the grey day. The smell of fish and the sea was stronger that morning, wind blowing even harder than before but he just took an admiring breath in of it, eyes shutting momentarily.

This beachtown had been his home since he was born, fresh air, usually cold but making due, and in the summer flying kites and playing in the crashing waves with his father. As he had known, he had never grown bored of the ocean and its shores, never taking for granted what was given to him by it, and never looking at it in a sour way. To him, it was a familiar face, easily calming him at the worse of times and bringing him to a place of solace.

It spurred something within his heart, keeping him energetic, and he continued the search for the new type of creature within those waves. He'd made drawings of mermaids and meremen, tried sculpting what he saw in his mind, but nothing could ever bring him the satisfaction of what he wanted to find or do. Hard training came with his decision later in life, a career enlisted into the Navy.

More of an excuse to be out on the water anyways.

The same hard work and strenuous hours of training brought him to his ship, the commander's ship, actually. But it would be home for the entirety of the mission they had, out on the water, collecting data. It was his home, and considered another gift to him.

He joined the SEALS not entirely long after, at least until he had the documentation and the credits for it, and slipped in to meet the people that stuck with him the longest. There was an extending history of him in the SEALS, it still being written and himself still making his way up through the ranks with hard determination and skill assets at his aid. But he was finally home, after an especially difficult deployment. His friends were still alive, he was still alive, and in one piece. 

Several others he knew had been killed and he had gone to their hometowns to give his respects at their funerals, chin held as high as he could through the duration of it. He didn't see much of a silver lining in all of this, but he was the one that signed up for it. 

Being back at home gave him advantages, gave him more time to rest. A complementary dinner was rolling up which he was being dragged to alongside other soldiers he knew and what was left of his battalion. He never once doubted the soldiers around him or their abilities, and that gave him a sense of respect between all of them through their time spent on foreign soil, shooting at strangers they never met. 

The uniform was unfolded and shown to the light of day for the first time in weeks, a hand brushing some of the hair and dust off in the silence of his home. He sat on the edge of his bed when back at home, debating on if he could suffer through the night he was invited in, wearing the uniform. Blue eyes ran over the stitching of the  uniform, the medals and badges alongside the gold entail on the shoulders. His hat sat on the top of the dresser, light coming in to touch and explore the golden insignia on the front of it, banded to the hat by a black, smooth band. It still held its shape, and his formal shoes placed beside it. 

Soft music played, laced with conversation, laughter, and the sound of silverware and glass meeting each other. There were well tailored dresses, suits, and decorated uniforms all around, back straight and heads high, glasses being held lightly within different hands as conversations continued all around. 

Large circular tables with white tablecloths were set in a rectangular formation from the sights of above, vases of roses within and crisp plates in front of each chair with silverware placed at their sides. The stage was taken up by the musicians, some standing and mulling about, most seated together. It was organized by branches, segments of the military together. Many shaven heads, or at least shorter hair around, hats abandoned and hair pulled into tight buns for others. 

A tall glass of champagne was offered to him and he took it carefully, thanking the individual before they walked away with an empty tray. He raised the glass and looked within at the liquid before he heard his name being called. 

''Smith!" 

He raised his eyes, finding the most memorable of those he knew. A smile dared to cross his face and he walked towards the massive table, friends with decorated uniforms standing to greet him. He was grabbed firmly and pulled into the side of his tallest friend, another hand hitting his shoulder. 

''I thought'd you never arrive.'' he was teased. 

''I didn't have a choice whether or not to.''

Laughter spilled from other mouths before he took his place at the table, lights within the hall dim and reflecting off of the glasses and vases around. There was only the sound of the conversations occuring around them, the blond quiet where he sat with his back against the chair. They spoke past him, something in a small, portable bottle being dunked into his champagne by another and then his smile could appear. He raised the glass to his lips as the microphone now being used screeched and ached, someone finally speaking. 

They spoke about the bravery of the branches, of each and every soldier, the quote of ''All Gave Some, Some Gave All,'' as he swirled the drink in his glass and watched them. His eyes flicked around to different individuals, noticing one blue uniform pilot with his hair shaved into a mowhawk. He turned his eyes back to the stage and took a mass gulp of his alcohol, needing those muscles loose from what had to be done. 

Each branch was called up accordingly and given long speeches on their bravery and actions during the war, commanders praising their soldiers and shaking hands firmly. It kept going, before the Special Forces were called, and he stood slowly. Like every other branch, applause filled the auditorium, the group walking up together, Erwin adjusting the cap on his head as he followed his fellow soldiers up the steps and onto the stage. He stood shoulder to shoulder with others, chin high and eyes trained forth at the man that spoke. 

A medal of honor was clipped onto their breasts before they were given a tough salute and shook hands, being excused to the sound of the soft music playing again by the musicians behind them. He moved to the drinks table, glancing up at the high school kid that worked it and nodding to them as they made eye contact. They simply took a step back as he picked up a cup to pour a drink into. 

His eyes shifted over to the individual beside them, white insignia sitting on their blue uniform sleeve. The gaze lifted higher to the head of the person, which seemed to only reach his chest region if he were to stand directly beside them and get a proper measurement. They weren't very great in height, but were in muscle by the looks of them. They looked as if they had grown into the uniform over time, and grew a bit much. It fit them well, chest decorated and showing that they, he, was a fighter pilot. He didn't move his gaze, being faced with a sharp look from steel eyes that danced over his well decorated chest and the rest of his body before lifting again to his eyes. 

Ackerman.

Familiar eyes and dedication in his face. 

''What?" he spoke suddenly, and irritably. 

Erwin gave a smile. ''I'm sorry, couldn't help but think you looked familiar.''

The smaller man seemed off-put by the kindness in his voice, turning to him more as the blond spoke. 

''I had a few relatives join.'' the pilot had an interesting voice. Wasn't exactly smooth or charming, gruff and mean, but direct with what he said. Erwin liked it. Born into a military family, oh what fun.

''Interesting.'' it sounded more sarcastic than if he was actually interested in what the other man said before raising a hand in his direction. ''Erwin Smith.''

''Navy SEALS operative, I know,'' the other responded. ''Levi Ackerman.''

''A pilot?"

He received a nod, shifting his empty cup into his other hand while Levi spoke again. 

''Wanted to do something different but ended up with family tradition.''

''A pilot is a respected place. How many tours did you serve?"

''Four, five.'' he responded. 

''Why piloting? Besides the rebellious need against the family?"

''Did it for myself. What about you? Why'd you decide on the Special Operatives?"

''I went for Navy first, but the SEALS came into my mind. Pulled to the sea.''

''Couldn't have bought a boat and lived on the water?"

''Do I look like the kind of person to have that kind of money?"

With no hesitation, the other responded. 

''Yes, you do.''

Erwin had his cup filled halfway before facing the other man. 

''Maybe I do, but I wouldn't use my family's money for such a thing. I'd try to at least raise my own money for it.'' he smiled at him.

''You act different than how you look.''

''How do I look?"

''A perfect soldier.''

The music and buzzing of conversation phased out behind them and the blond turned to him completely, scanning him for a break in his expression or change in his body stature, to have nothing given in return. 

''Responsibilty, grits, brains, whatever else they tell me to have, I have it.'' Erwin raised his cup to his mouth, listening to the snort that left the other after his statement. 

''What would your superiors do if they truly knew you?" 

He let himself think on that before lowering the cup a bit. 

"What would you do if you truly knew me?"

''Depends.'' he liked the speed that the other responded to him, not letting the differences that held themselves strongly between them effect how he spoke or how he acted. The secure feeling the other gave made him smile. 

''What if they truly knew **you,** _Levi_?"

''There isn't much more to see.''

Erwin watched him a moment longer, still noticing no change or mannerisms he'd be able to pick up on, but there was definitely another person hiding beneath that man, that shell and persona of another person. 

The pilot received his own drink and they meandered slowly past tables as they spoke to each other, Erwin speaking more than the other before he quieted himself with his alcohol and allowed the smaller man to speak. He just wanted to hear that voice more. His uncle had been in infantry as a young man, serving until he was respectively resigned from his position. It slipped into how he came to join the military and the friends that followed him into it. He didn't continue from there, and Erwin found his time to speak of himself and why he joined. 

Levi just listened, very deeply as well. He was a great listener, looked directly at him as he spoke and never once interrupted, but showed that he had heard what had been told. Occasionally they'd glance to a passing individual, perhaps take a swig of their drinks, but the conversation kept going. He was charming, in an odd way, but it was there. The smaller man had suddenly surged up and taken a napkin from the table, decidedly writing something down in a hurry. 

A set of numbers were handed over to the blond, Levi's signature above them and the pen was clicked before placed softly on the table. Erwin heard his own heartbeat, eyes up and facing the smaller man before he slowly reached over and lifted the pen, writing his own number on a separate paper before handing it over to the pilot.

''Am I that great of a conversationalist?" he asked him. 

''No.''

He handed the pen over after the napkin was placed in his hand and securely read over enough times. The man placed it in his pocket before the paper followed, steel eyes raising to Erwin's face. 

''Mind if I call or text tomorrow?" he questioned the bigger man. 

''I won't mind at all. I _did_ give you my number for a reason.''

The cap on Levi's head was finally pulled off, short hair having a run-through before he adjusted it. 

''You're the important operative, do you have conversations to get to?" he then noticed the familiar bedazzled man coming towards him through the tables, a blubbering mess of conversation that he had no way of avoiding at _any_ formal dinner.

A sigh left him before he stood, pilot following his actions. 

''Unfortunately.'' He took another swig of his drink, noticing that the other held his hand out for it to be shaken.

''I'll message you tomorrow morning.''

''I'll be looking forward to it, Levi.'' 


	2. Chapter 2

**From Mike  
u were definitely getting friendly with the kid.**

**he's not a kid. just an interested soldier**

**Whatever u say**

Mike had watched him from the back tables with Nanaba during his entire conversation with Levi, not refraining from pushing him around about it as they walked to their cars after dinner and even through to the next morning. He kept talking about how different Erwin spoke to him than others that he had a first impression with, far more relaxed. 

'' _It was the alcohol you slipped in_.'' he had said. A part of him wished deeply that it hadn't been. 

But he had been offered silence of text messages on the other man's side the entirety of the day, besides from the chiming of Mike's texts and the occasional message from Nanaba telling him to ignore Mike about his teasing and bullying.

Levi had said he would message him, right? He hadn't imagined it? Wished for it to occur only to have his dreams crushed?

They weren't dreams, and nothing was crushed, just a small hope blown lightly from existence. There was a part of him that kept hoping that Levi would message, that something would be received that didn't involve Mike irritating him to the point of deleting his contact and diminishing any memory of the conversation with Levi from his mind. He ignored his phone as he stood up for more coffee, coming back and having half a sense to ignore it and sit down to watch television before he gave in and picked it up, opening it to find that an unlabled number had sent him a message. 

**Blondie?**

**Levi?**

**So I did put in the right number.**

Erwin quickly put his contact into his phone before typing a message back to him. 

**yes you did. i'm glad you messaged me**

**I could have messaged you earlier. Been sidetracked today, I'm sorry.**

**it's fine, don't apologize. i was starting to wonder if you were alright or not today, but you seem fine, at least where i am at**

**I'm okay. How'd you survive the rest of last night?  
**

**well enough . i'm alive today at least, i cant complain. by the way, are you planning anything this Friday?**

**No, what are you wanting to do?**

**get drinks with my friends. i thought i could include you in that group as well**

**I didn't think you knew me well enough to allow me into it.**

**just means that i've got to get to know you. drinks might give me that chance.**

**Where's the bar?**

He gave the address. 

**What time do you want me there?**

**7**

**I'll see you on Friday.**

Erwin's eyes lifted to the black television, screen being shut off before the phone slipped through his fingers and he enclosed his hand around it, lopsided smile spreading across his face before he messaged Mike about the newfound plans. 

\--

He checked the closet up and down for what would be suitable to wear to the occasion, unsure of the weather and how it might act up that evening.  A light hoodie was zipped up over his shirt, shoes tied before he looked at himself in the mirror. Short, black hair had matted a bit together, the male raking his fingers through it. He liked it longer, easier for him to fuck around with and end up organizing. Shorter hair never suited him, but it was mandatory if he wanted to be enlisted. 

The time was checked frequently over a several hour period, wallet made sure it was in place, waiting for seven to roll around to get driving to the bar. Roads would probably be busy, it was the start of the night for everyone and he hadn't been out to drive on the weekend in a _long_ while. He grabbed his keys and exited his home, locking it up and crossing the grass to get to his car. 

Cars were pushed together in the tight parking lot, Levi sighing and pulling the keys from the ignition as he parked further down the road than he liked from the bar. He slipped them into his pocket, checking a second time for his wallet and phone before pulling the door open and stepping inside. Heating hit him immediately from the crisp, ocean air outside, music playing lowly and talk spread throughout the bar. It wasn't too overcrowded, but nothing that he wanted to deal with alone. His eyes ran over the people, trying to find the blond man that stuck out before spotting the short cut golden hair on the opposite side of the establishment. The head turned and blue eyes hit his steel ones, hand raising and waving him over with a smile spread across the mans face. 

Levi slipped past people before approaching the table, another familiar face on the other side of the table. It was one of Erwin's ''workmates'' as he had decided to put it, one of his friends. Erwin scooted over and gestured for Levi to sit in the booth beside him. 

''Mike, this is Levi, Levi, Mike.'' he shook hands with the other man as he sat down, noticing a silver ring on his middle finger with a jewel in the center. He wore a light jacket and jeans, Erwin dressed in a green field jacket and grey shirt with jeans. There was also an expensive looking watch on his wrist, heavy and polished silver metal with a polished face and small ticking arms directing the time. It looked like an heirloom.

''Pilot.'' Mike said. He flicked his eyes from the watch to the other man, hoping that wouldn't develop into his nickname over the time he was going to know these people. ''The pilot from the other night, right?"

Levi nodded.

''That's right.'' he felt frigid, back tense with how he sat and legs pulled closer to the foot of the booth to make sure his feet nor legs hit with the longer others. Erwin pulled his arm up onto the back of the booth, turning so he faced Levi better and shifted his thigh closer to Levi's so his back received less strain in this new position. His chest faced him, showing him how broad it truly was, pectorals pressing out a bit from the fabric and showing themselves to him. The two others obviously put lots of work into their body and their work function. 

''Would you like a drink, Levi?" Erwin asked, hand drifting over the back of the booth while the other sat beside the wall.

''Yeah...'' he looked over to the bar, seeing how packed it was while Mike lifted his pint of beer to his mouth and finished it off. He stood, collecting his glass and Erwin's empty one before speaking.

''What do you want to drink?"

''Can I get a White Russian?"

Mike nodded, glancing up to Erwin and nodding before Levi had the chance to see what he had said or told him. The blond glanced down to Levi, still tense and even moreso under the watch of the higher offiliated man. He didn't know why he decided to talk with him, or why he emptied so much into the lap of the other on their first night of meeting, but now he got himself into this mess. But how the other spoke was soft, beckoning. 

''Have you always lived by the sea?"

He shook his head. 

''I wanted to move closer to my mother, so I moved here a few years ago, before my last deployment. Took all the money I had.''

'' **Hm** ,'' It sounded like a purr, a rumble from the back of the blond's throat. ''Where are you from?"

''Illinois.''

''Hm. That's quite a distance to travel.''

''I did it in a truck with my belongings.''

''You deserve a medal for it.''

''Being able to live by the beach is the medal anyways.''

Erwin chuckled, a lively sound and Mike came back with requested drinks, White Russian placed in front of Levi and hazel drink placed in front of Erwin. The other man had his own, bigger drink, reds, oranges, and yellows mixed together in one alcoholic mess. 

''Levi's from Illinois.'' Erwin told the other, taking a sip of his drink at the same time Levi did. 

''Our friend, Nanaba, she's from Edwardsville.'' Mike said, stirring his alcohol a bit. 

''Centreville.'' Levi retorted. 

Mike inhaled sharply as he adjusted how he sat in the booth, finally tasting his drink afterwards. Their conversations continued, Erwin talking about he and Mike officially met in training on his first day. 

''You were a dick, Smith.''

''I was just trying to do good!"

The two kept arguing, Levi more than happy to sit and listen to them bicker as the night went on. Mike ended up getting shots, he and Erwin competing together as Levi sunk more into the booth as relaxation took over, settled with his own beverage for the night. Though he did take one round with them, just one for good measure. He got cheers from the other two, it burning down his throat before he pushed the glass aside and shook his head out.

He saw a different layer to the Navy Seal beside him that night, the man that was held to such a high podium that he had begun to blend into his acting of actually enjoying the dinners and parties. Levi guessed it was an act when he first spotted the man, but now listening to him complain about them really cemented his idea. First, he started with the blond hair, shaven exactly to the point of field registered hair. Next was the sharp build to his face; nose, jaw, chin, lips each complimenting each other with strength within them. Even his brow and his eye shape came into consideration, suiting him nicely. His eyes were strong, very bright and held darkness within them. 

Or maybe Levi just wanted to compliment the other man.

Mike grabbed Erwin's wrist roughly after several more rounds, squinting at the watch to find the time before letting it fall to the surface of the table. He pulled himself up with a large sigh, Erwin reaching out to him. 

''Where are you going?" he asked. 

''Gotta go home. S'late.'' Mike responded, patting his hand. Levi stepped out of the booth and decided it was time for him to go as well, watching the bigger blond drag Erwin from the seat and pull him onto his shoulder. 

''Do either of you need a ride home?" Levi at least _looked_ more sober than the other two.

Mike shook his head, giving him a twinge of worry. 

''I'll call Nana, Erwin lives just down the road.''

''Are you going to wait here for... Them?"

Mike nodded this time. 

''Get Erwin home.'' he carefully got Erwin's arm off of his shoulder and the other blond pat it in appreciation before following Levi out the bar. He stumbled a bit, making sure Mike saw him waving to him. He's got him in his car, buckled in and focused on one of the stickers on his dashboard. Something skateboarding, he didn't know what it was anymore. It faded except for the blue and yellow board. 

Its getting later, the moon watch from above the car as he drives with the directions drunkenly given to him by the other. He's handling his alcohol well, but Erwin's gonna have one hell of a hangover the next morning. 

He drank so much, endlessly. Like it was water. Levi would've done the same, but he wanted to get home easily in his car. 

''I'm sorry.'' it came suddenly, almost as if Erwin was thinking out loud. He turned his head to him but his eyes stayed on the road. 

''For what?"

''I wanted you to have fun. Not have to drive me home.''

He shook his head, hoping that motion was noticed by the other tired man in the car. They roll to a stop, Erwin unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car. Levi steps out after him, really just to make sure he gets to the door alright before watching him fumble with his keys and unlock the door. 

Blue eyes hit steel, the other facing him once more. 

''Did you have fun?" it looked like he would have cried if Levi said any differently. 

''I did have fun.''

He wasn't saying it because the other was drunk and sad. It was an actually fun night, even if the music was retched and a few other occupants of the bar too drunk and loud for him to hear his own thoughts. 

''We should go out again.''

A relieved look spread on Erwin's face, backdrop of the dimming and dying porch light behind him reflecting shadows on his face. But the expression is something Levi'd kill to see more of. Softness spreading so quickly across the blond's face, happiness showing itself for a second before he watched the blond begin to wave and step inside his home, still waving as he slowly shut the door. 

''Have a nice night, Levi.'' he said, still waving and refusing to close the door all the way, now only his face and waving hand showing itself. What a bumbling idiot. 

Levi waved in return finally, watching Erwin very slowly shut the door and give him permission to get in his car and drive home. He lifted his eyes to the house one last time and found Erwin in the window instead, waving more.


	3. Chapter Three

He's decided he likes Erwin. 

Not a very long thinking process, not dwelling on it so much that he causes himself to overthink everything else surrounding the situation. He just genuinely likes Erwin. The man's not as much of a cocky bastard as he had thought him to be when he first spotted him, walking into the auditorium and brushing off his uniform, strutting to look like he owned everything. Looked like every cocky bastard in war films, but luckily he was the opposite. 

Just another human. Very human as well. Levi got a string of messages the next morning in formal stature of apology about how Erwin could have acted the night before. It was more like two mornings after, but it must've taken him a while to get over that hangover of his. Levi kept his phone silent the next day, cleaning up and working out, trying to keep his body in shape for the next spontaneous time he was needed. Still young, twenty-four, wondering if he could out-live his chosen career.

He began to fucking pray that he wouldn't be deployed, but something rang in the back of his mind, reminded him that he didn't need to worry about it. But he kept working, hands behind his head as he did sit-ups at a fast pace, only in his backyard to do the work. It was warmer that morning, easier for him to do the work-outs. It pushed him harder, and as much as he hated the feeling of sweat slicking down his back, it was the only way to prove that he was doing it properly. 

Weights were lifted until his arms and shoulders were sore, leg work was done, he jogged several miles before winding back at home. Exhaustion hits him like a fucking truck, breath exiting his lungs and having his limbs drop at the same time. Every muscle is burning, his head is hurting, and his throat is sore. 

The forgotten water bottle in the fridge is finally used, Levi drinking it all down in a matter of moments before filling it up again. His face is hot, sweat's still dripping down his muscled neck, and he can feel it pulling his shirt to his skin. He actually turns on the air conditioner on his way up the stairs, wanting and needing to feel the cold. 

It was October, almost November but Halloween hadn't come yet. There were a few days left for that and the weather did a good job of keeping up but he felt he was in a different ecosystem entirely. He showers for a long time, washing his hair and his worn muscles, the scars on his body and forgets more on what his body looked like _before_ he ever joined. He had the choice back then, make family proud and join the military, or make his mother proud and do what he wanted with his life. The decision was made for him, but hopefully it was good enough for his dead grandfather watching from hell. 

He stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, going from the curve of his hip bones and the muscles within his stomach before rising up to the scar in his middle, a very light one from a distant fragmentation blast when he went in on foot for a rescue. Against orders, but fuck it, they were alive now and living somewhere in Florida. His eyes moved higher, over his worked chest and the constricted muscles leading from his shoulders and blending into it. His arms were very defined as well, veins shown from the back of his hands and leading lightly into his forearms where they disappeared to under the skin instead of popping out. More scars on his biceps, one on his stricken collar bone. 

The gaze went to his neck, the muscles there before they lead to his jaw and the structure of it, raising to his plump, chapped lips to the curve of his nostrils. He wetted his lips before continuing upwards, looking to his ears that were close to pressing flat against his hair, then making eye contact with himself. 

He looked _tired_. 

He never liked looking tired. 

His back was scanned over before it faced the mirror the rest of the time spent in the restroom, brushing his teeth, putting on deodorant, getting dressed. He had a firm amount of muscle in his back as well, and good amount of scars there from equal amounts of stupidity in the army and in his childhood. 

Levi was one worn out man. 

He flicked off the light on his way out of the bathroom, tossing his clothes into the laundry basket in his bedroom before making his way back downstairs for something to eat. His eyes roamed over the contents before he decided instead to check his phone. He didn't have a frequent habit of doing so, at least before meeting Erwin. Now whenever he at least _thought_   that Erwin had messaged him he was checking his phone, making sure he could respond in a respectful amount of time. 

So far, they hadn't made many plans. He had the fear of perhaps messing up the conversation, so he had a habit of tip-toeing around their conversations while making it at least appear like a grown man had been messaging and not a teenager. Erwin seemed to do the same. He was glad the other was being careful but direly needed him to lead the conversations or at least begin them for him to be able to continue them. Starting it wasn't his specialty. But they went in to talking about movies and what their favorite ones were. He talked about his love for foreign films and classic ones with Bogart and Cagney. Erwin told him how good choices those films were.  He began to slowly uncover the fact that Erwin had a soft spot for horror comedies over the duration of the day. 

**To Erwin  
You must be having fun with movies so close to Halloween**

**with all the Halloween dedicated channels? oh yea!**

Levi shook his head but was smiling a bit, resting in front of the television to see if he could find the films Erwin had spoken about. 

\--

Three days to Halloween, and he had no candy.  Nothing at all. He doubted he'd find anything in his scavening at stores, but found a few bags of assorted individual candies hidden under the toy's shelf when he passed by in a CVS. He pulled it out and rested it under his arm, going to find toilet paper as well. 

He had somehow forgotten how busy the neighborhoods became on Halloween night, or how much people did for the best decorations this time of year. Erwin hadn't paid attention to his neighbors that were untangling several extension cords from a box that waved to him one morning. Now there were several moving decorations on the lawn, button triggered and motion activated, enough lights on their home that they could start a house fire while also taking out all the electricity on the block. 

But he got the candy. 

It bounced under his arm as he hopped up onto his patio, thumbing for the right key before taking a secondary glance to the neighboring houses. One was adding a skeleton to the roof as he stepped inside. 

The silence within his home gave him a negative feeling. It was comfortable at first, he had the idea of getting a pet but wouldn't know when the next deployment would be or anyone that would be able to take care of it for however long he'd be out. Adding onto the fact that he didn't know if he was going to come home for a dog to come bounding up to him; he wouldn't want to put that pain on anyone or anything. 

He found a medium sized bowl and left the bag in it beside the door, ignoring it and his temptation to rip it open and eat some. Instead he went into the garage to see if he could find some Halloween decorations or at least something resembling a costume piece. Discovered was a halo headpiece, Erwin putting it on and feeling the cushioned metal wires press into his head harshly. 

A green and grey lawn chair had been found, unfolded and placed on his porch beside the door. The candy was dumped in the yellow bowl, he leaned back in the chair, and waited for the trick-or-treating madness to begin. It was difficult to adjust to holidays after months away from home, and he had forgotten of his love of Halloween. 

The decorations, the costumes, the dedication. He forgot it all. His best costume was his ghost costume when he was a child, his father having dedicated a ripped sheet to it and putting a hockey mask on underneath. He smiled at the thought of it, hand resting ontop of the candy before a few kids ran up, shouting trick-or-treat to him. 

A few candies were opened and eaten on his own behalf, the rest handed out to kids and teens, a few adults dotting that spectacle. There was one group that zigzagged throughout the houses to get their candies. He liked their strategy. It began to wind down and he was getting bored. His stomach was getting irritated due to his unconcious eating of candies and chocolates, the bowl nearly empty. He was without anymore, most of it taken and the rest on the verge of being eaten before he felt his phone vibrate lightly. 

He leaned over on the armrest to pull his phone from his pocket, turning the screen on with a message glowing. 

**From Mike  
Bar at 10?**

**who's going?**

He raised his eyes up to the last few kids coming down his pathway towards the chair, handing them the bowl as they arrived with a smile. 

''It's yours.''

**Nanaba, Hange, Moblit, maybe.**

**b there at 10**

The kids argued over who got what in the bowl as they walked off, Erwin slipping a full sized Twix out from the spokes of the chair and was about to peel it open before his eyes shifted over to the figure standing at his property. 

'' _Levi_.'' he said. He stood with his hands in his pockets, leather jacket on his shoulders with the name ACKERMAN sewn onto the breast. It had obviously been worn lots, skid marks on it alongside a few rough patches. Besides that, it was in great condition. There was an insignia on the other side, above his heart, hand sewn like the name. 

Levi raised his chin to him. 

''Going to the bar tonight?" Levi had a great voice, Erwin wished he used it more. 

''Yes, I just received the invite tonight.'' He nodded, Erwin standing and folding up the chair before leaning it against the wall of the house, raising his eyes back up to the smaller man. The chocolate bar felt heavy in his hand. ''Would you like to come inside? Just for a few moments and we can get to walking to the bar.''

Without another word, the pilot walked up to the steps, carefully ascending them and coming to the door. Erwin opened it, gesturing for the smaller man to step inside first and having the chance to notice that the insignia spread from shoulder to shoulder. He dropped the candy bar in Levi's hands as he brushed past, heading to the kitchen for some water and stomach pills to calm the rising irritation and pain. He pressed the glass against the buttons for the ice to fall into the glass, then filling it with water and dropping the pills into his mouth. He took a mouthful of water before letting his head fall back, swallowing the medication and setting the glass on the counter with a loud ''Clink''.

Levi still stood in his house. Levi was in his house. 

His attention was taken back to the smaller man who was entering the threshold of the kitchen, reading the back of the bar before his steel eyes flicked up to the bigger man. The eyes stayed focused on his own before _slowly_ filtering up to his head, smile spreading slowly. 

''Halo suits you.''

The headband. Fuck. 

He raised his hand quickly to his forehead, pretending to scratch at his hairline with a nervous chuckle. After he slipped his hand into his short hair and pulled the headband off, the fluff tickling his knuckle lightly before it was dropped on the counter. 

''Thought I might at least try to find something to wear for Halloween night.'' he remarked, raising his eyes to the other man. Levi still seemed amused, short black hair, leather jacket, boots and all. 

''I _did_ say it suits you.''

The left corner of Erwin's lips rose before he glanced to the time. It was almost ten, and they had a short walk ahead of them. They got going, Levi's candy bar pocketed in his jacket as Erwin pulled his coat on and locked the door. A comfortable silence spread between them, sound of the road mulling in the distance, sounds of their shoes hitting the concrete in unison. They sounded like they were marching when they were really calmly strolling together. 

Bar music could be heard on the opposing side of the parking lot before they could get anywhere near the entrance, Erwin opening the door for him and allowing him inside first to notice Nanaba at the bar, leaning into it with a few men several inches taller than her around. 

 

 


	4. Chapter Four

The woman wasn't uncomfortable, he noticed, but was instead flirting with each of them and earning drinks off of them for the small price of having to deal with alcoholic breath. Touchy hands she could deal with without having to grab them. Her eyes were as strong as her muscles. 

Those same eyes turned to look at the familiar faces, raising her glass to them with a group of drunk individuals following suit with a few cheers. She grinned, thanking the closest man and the bartender before placing a glass in his hand and giving Levi one as well. 

''Good to see you boys,'' she said, dog tags peeking out from under her shirt as she sashayed past. ''Mike's been getting lonely over here in the booth.''

It was the same seats as Friday, Mike by himself with his jaw in his hand and a jealous look in his eyes before she slid in to sit beside him, placing his drink on the table alongside a bite to his earlobe. That seemed to calm him and he grinned, eyes passing through the fellow soldiers into the disappointed faces of the men that still sat at the bar and watched after Nana.

He looked around at the orange lights strung across poles, booths, chairs, tables, the windows with fake plastic spiders and rats in them. A mannequin was on the corner of the stage, dressed as a forties era bartender. Different costumes mulled about, themes from some groups and others pulling on articles of clothing in hopes that it looked like a costume. A band played on the stage, something about their forgotten love in the field. 

It was fucking loud. 

Erwin's head began to pound lightly and he knew it was time for him to get a drink in him or he'd never be able to last under the noise. He took a swig of the drink Nana handed to him and watched Levi's head tip back so he could do the same. His neck was well-defined. Thick with muscle and is adams apple pulling and bobbing as he swallowed the liquid. His jaw became more defined, and sharper, eyes falling shut in the moment the drink washed down his throat. 

He pulled his eyes away when Levi's head came back up, empty glass placed on the table, Erwin playing with one of the edges to is own glass.

''We'll be having a costume contest in fifteen minutes, so come on up if you want to participate.'' he guessed it was the owner of the establishment, dressed as a soldier. 

''You a biker?" Mike asked, arm around Nanaba as he stared forth at Levi. 

''Wasn't planning to be, but I guess so.'' Levi responded. He raised his glass again but discovered that he had in fact already drank it all, dropping it back on the table. 

''You said you were from Centreville, right?" Erwin asked, taking a small sip of his drink as he looked to the other man. Levi nodded, lowering his chin in a brushed motion. ''Illinois.''

''Spent a few years of my childhood here, but went back to my mothers hometown and lived the rest of my educational years there. She came back here a few years before I left high school and I joined the military. Afterwards I ended up buying a house with family expenses. Wanted a different future than what everything else had set up for me.''

Understanding came from the others that listened to him, Levi staring into the empty glass he had in his hands before looking up, directly at Erwin.

''What about you, ocean boy?'' he asked. ''What do you have to say?"

He opened his mouth to speak before he heard the rushing of footsteps. Levi was pressed into his side, Erwin raising his head to find that Hange had pushed their way in to the booth.

''Get up.'' it was Moblit, coming to yell at their beloved.

Hange turned their head with a big smile, then noticing that they were on Levi, a stranger to them, and not Erwin.

''Oh fuck,'' they stood up, chair set at the end of the table for them while Nanaba beckoned Moblit to come and sit beside her.

Levi pulled himself from Erwin's side, adjusting his collar and jacket and flicking something from his shoulder. Hange sat down on the chair and leaned over into Moblit's ear, saying something before they were swatted away by a very exhausted looking Moblit. He didn't look as tired as when on field missions, but he did have the sunken face so far.

''No, I haven't seen him either.'' Moblit said. ''You can try introducing yourself.''

They had a seemingly violent enough greeting, and Hange seemed poised to having meet Levi. He raised his eyes to them, staying closer to Erwin than the stranger before the blond introduced them, such as how he introduced Mike and Levi.

''Hange, Levi, Levi, Hange.'' he said, Hange waving their fingers at him and Levi nodding to them. He seemed alright, maybe shaken up, but he was alright. He leaned down to speak in the pilots ear. ''They have a habit of doing that, don't think they have anything against you.''

Levi shook his head.

''I didn't think they had any reason to.'' Adjusted to the new arrivals to the bar, Levi got and got himself another drink before sitting back down to relax in the midst of the conversations and laughter, quieting a bit as the costume competition began. A werewolf won, though they all noted different flaws in the costume and its build while the winner accepted their reward; more alcohol.

Moblit and Levi got along pretty well before the other four began talking over the music. Levi leaned over to Erwin, tapping his shoulder.

''Come and eat with me.'' he told him. Erwin noticed that the other four would be perfectly fine while he went out with Levi. Their presence hadn't been noticed as gone, Erwin walking with him through the front door. Silence wrapped around them, cool air hugging him and forcing him to zip his coat up a bit.

They entered a fast food place, Erwin ordering for them while Levi sat outside before he came back over and sat with him.

''How many years living herer?" he asked him.

''Three years.'' Levi answered.

He nodded.

''And you your entire life.''

''Well,'' he shrugged his shoulders, a grin appearing. ''Couldn't exactly help it.''

Levi was such a mysteriously handsome man to look at, he noticed, sitting with him with the light from inside flooding out the massive windows and reflecting off the side of his face. He was odd to look at at first, not in an insulting way, but the more he looked the far more fascinated he became with this man, this ragged pilot he met. There was a strong build to his jaw, not noticable at first, lips pulled into that permenant pout, thin brows pulled together most of the time, or near each other, and his oddly larger eyes. The eyes seemed to take away from everything else, the oddest and most noticeable part about him. What Erwin enjoyed the most about the other man was how the clothing he wore suited him, like the clothes had chosen him instead of him choosing them.

Erwin was able to see his slightly crooked teeth on the bottom row on the few times he smiled, how one eye widened more than the other while his smiles spread, the humored glint in his eyes. He found himself utterly comfortable around the other man, and also, missing the call for their order.

The other man took the receipt from him and he finally found where reality lay, staying on a safe border between his dreaming and the realism before Levi stood and opened the door to get their food. He came back with the tray and placed it between them, setting the receipt on the tray and sitting down to finally eat.

Erwin stuffed his food in his mouth, burning his tongue and the roof before fanning his mouth lightly, coming to regret his hungry decision. He turned his eyes back to find Levi more than amused again by his actions, calmly eating his own food before he spoke up.

''Being a SEAL, you must have some interesting stories to talk about.''

He brightened.

''The stupidest ones.''

The blond begain speaking about his first training mission and how badly it went for he and his squadron, the domino effect of failure leading them all to several weeks of punishment and harsher training before being put up against it again, doing far better. He then began speaking about his most highlighted moment; the Fifteen Meter Expedition.

The Fifteen Meter Expedition was his first mission with Mike and Nanaba, all within the same squadron together, where it went equally parts wrong and right for their side. It was a rescue mission, soldiers blocked in by enemy squads and it was up to them, the newly trained SEALs to go in and get them out again. It was both parts hilarious and suspenseful, and he spoke from what he could remember about the mission. He'd repeated this same story so many times to others, soldiers, interested kids, adults alike, and each time he got different responses. But Levi, Levi showed an _actual_ _defined_ interest in what he said, coming from a side that could _understand_ what he said, not just someone to entertain until the night was over. He added more facts than fiction to it, deciding he didn't need to make it lighter than when he spoke at dinner parties to humor generals.

Levi was a great listener, and he loved getting such focused attention from him, but something ached to listen to that gruff voice the other had.

He knew this was spiraling from his control.

When finished with his story, Levi seemed quite entertained, both parts humored and understanding, such as Erwin had expected from the other man when it came to an end. Then the other spoke about _his_ first mission, and how well that went. But it revolved more around his first time lifting a plane into the air, _knowing_ that if he didn't do this right, he and others wouldn't have a life after that. Something that held itself between he and others was utterly demolished with Levi, and he was ever glad to be able to have him around.

It changed instead to what they do in their past time, both agreeing on enjoying excersise and watching television. Erwin told him on his love for trying to sculpt things, ceramics or trying to do art. He'd ended classes for ceramics a few months back and most of his drawings were of other soldiers in his battalion. He told him about how he enjoyed trying to learn how to surf, and his many failed attempts, Levi informing him that he went to classes for a while and was getting up the ranks before he asked the other what he did the most for fun.

That's when it grew quiet.

He wondered if he stepped over an invisible line he couldn't see, or if the way he stated it made the other uncomfortable, or even simply if surfing classes were the one thing he did in his past time. But there had to be something more to this man, those underlying things beneath the surface that Erwin couldn't pinpoint, understand, hadn't yet revealed. He'd take Levi for a man that would do cage fighting in his past time, and for a split second began to believe it before shaking it from his thoughts.

Levi would definitely have far more obvious bruises and cuts on his face if that were to occur.

So it was something else, something that the other didn't yet trust Erwin enough to find out, that probably kept to himself and undercover so no one else knew, something that must have been so _unlike_ Levi that he kept it hidden.

It made him itch more to know.

He rounded the conversation back to the surfing classes and asked Levi if he could have the information on the instructors, numbers, e-mail addresses. It sounded like fun, but the water was way too cold this time of year for him to step into.

Possibly on the route, he'd find something else to do, something far more fun.

They finished up their meals, now both back into good spirits and threw the trash away. Levi sipped away at his drink as Erwin kept talking, hands in their coat pockets. His eyes rolled over to the insignia a few times, wondered if the jacket was a generational hand-me-down or if it was something he made himself. The leather looked very smooth to touch, and he had to refrain from touching either the article of clothing or the man that modeled it so well.

On their way, they began rating the Halloween decorations and the dedication taken into each home. It slowed their walk, giving their numbers then arguing about the numbers on a scale of ten together, coming to an obvious zero before they realized together that it was Erwin's own home.

He faced Levi, looking to the smooth hand that held the cup.

''Thanks for taking me out to food tonight, Levi.'' he said. ''And getting me to the bar.''

Levi shrugged.

''I wanted to eat.''

He was glad he didn't want to eat alone. Erwin stepped up on the porch and got closer to the door, the two standing in a slowly creeping awkward silence.

''I guess I should go.'' Levi said, taking a step back.

''I guess.'' Erwin responded, keys in his hand.

''You probably have something to do tomorrow, I've got a walk ahead of me.''

''Right.''

''It's late.''

''Uh huh.''

''Its Halloween.''

''I noticed.''

Levi pointed his thumb back behind him.

''I'm gonna go now.''

''Alright, Levi.''

He stepped off the property and Erwin grinned as he watched him.

''Levi.'' he said. The other raised his eyes to him.

''Yeah?"

''Walk safely for me.''

Levi bit back his own grin.

''Yes sir.''


	5. Chapter Five

His body ached to one side before he dipped down, bringing his head up again and craning to the other side, dipping down once again. An exercise to stretch before the class. Erwin had taken up yoga, hearing of the benefits of yoga and what it can do for the mind and body. He'd joined the afternoon class, it around three pm with the sun flowing in through the ceiling to floor windows and stretching across the rest of the room.

He was possibly the biggest person there, size wise, and stood in the back corner. His back wasn't used to this kind of movement and was slowly beginning to loosen up from the strain of it all, rolling his shoulders and moving his spine around a bit more. 

The instructor stood at the head of the class, setting out her mat before bringing her hands together, Erwin barely noticing that everyone else was doing the same before he smacked them together and brought his feet to touch. 

''I see new faces,'' she said, smiling lightly. ''That's great. Well, for the beginners, this is the perfect class for you. We'll start with basic poses.  First we'll do cobra.''

She brought her body to the floor, everyone else following and he sat down, watching as everyone rolled to their stomachs on her order. He followed, rolling onto his stomach and keeping himself supported with his elbows so he could keep his head up and watch the instructor. 

''Stretch your legs back, tops of your feet to the floor,'' Erwin followed her request in unison to the rest of the class. ''Spread your hands under your shoulders, to the floor. Make sure your elbows are hugged to your body.'' 

They were put in the starting position before she stood to meander around the students to make sure they were doing well. 

''Bring your pubis, thighs, and feet directly into the floor,'' he listened to the calming music in the background. ''I'd like you to inhale while straightening your arms, bringing your chest off the floor, going to a height where you can still maintain connection between your pubis and your legs.''

Everyone breathed in as one, lifting their chests off the ground and raising their heads. Erwin watched the woman in front of him for guidance, then feeling a hand go on his chest to bring him back further but to maintain the figure. His eyes moved to the instructor that was helping him, warm smile on her face before she let go. 

''You're doing great.'' she told him, raising her head to the rest of the class. ''Now, press your tailbone towards the pubis and lift the pubis to the navel.''

He watched the rest of the class follow her orders and do as she said, Erwin now understanding better and following the instructions with the visual aid of his fellow classmates. 

''Firm but do not harden the buttocks.'' she continued, now stepping away from the blond and going to the older gentleman beside him to lower him instead of keeping him held high, obviously straining himself in the process. The sound of birds in the recording screamed distantly before the waves hit the shore. ''Next, firm your shoulder blades into your back, but make sure its even throughout the rest of your spine.''

Erwin firmed both his buttocks and his shoulder blades, trying to even out his spine as best to his ability. He did well, but his lower back was hanging far too low for it to be even any longer. Quickly he adjusted his position and noticed that his instructor gave him a thumbs up afterwards. 

''Now hold, breathe easy,'' she said in a calming tone, demonstrating how their breaths should be patterned as she walked back to her mat at the front of the class. 

More positions were done, some adjusting made to how he held himself throughout, but overall he believed he did a great job. There _was_ one older woman that definitely was not supposed to be in the beginner class, but instead to a higher rank, but showed off what she could do proudly. 

When class finished, they stood and rolled their mats up, the instructor turning the background noises off as conversations filled the room. Erwin rolled up his borrowed yoga mat before making a mental note to return it to his friend before depositing it underneath his arm. His body felt better, and the stiffness that had been held within was gone. He pulled his shoes on, watching everyone go through the door, a few conversationalists holding back to talk before he left the class with a wave to his instructor. 

An issue arose the moment he stepped into the hall; not knowing where the exit was. 

It was a connected building with classrooms of all sorts: dance, yoga, a gymnasium at one end and several pools, inside tennis courts, a racquetball court or two. He guessed there was some sort of golf thing elsewhere and knew there were other music classes, but didn't know which way he came in. Every door was the same, and you could only see the difference if you opened it up to find what was inside. 

He settled on walking and searching in order to find the way out, feet aching and body feeling wobbly as he went forth. Many classes were busy at that time, and he feared stepping into one in the midst of it and interrupting it. He could play it off like he was there to learn, but stepping in with a yoga mat and a still red face wouldn't do much to hide his cover. The hallways felt longer, and he ended up getting far more lost than before, instead discovering the indoor pool, or at least one of them instead of the exit. The door creaked and shut behind him, revealing the clean water and the silence of the empty room. He searched for a sign of some sort, finding one to only be informed of senior swimming day in around thirty minutes from then. 

More doors were opened, searched, corners turned and hallways scavenged. He looked out the window at the end of a certain hallway, finding the parking lot in front and seeing his car distantly. If he went straight down the hall and turned left, the lobby leading to the exit would be in grasping distance. Erwin walked with more bounce in his heel, passing a partially open door with music flowing out of it before stopping and taking one or two steps back to look within. 

Several individuals were moving gracefully, a dance class occuring. Each were well muscled, core's taught and holding themselves beautifully as they moved. There was another door on the opposite side, others peeking in, a few he could recognize from the yoga class. A wall had been torn down in the room so it could be one larger one, giving them more room for their dance. 

He moved his eyes back to the dancers, watching their instructor with her chin in her hand. She had light blond hair and brown eyes, set firmly on the two that moved in front of her. Her hair had been tucked behind her ears, the others she watched both men. The darker haired man was leading the other blond, blond with his hair in a bun in the back and parted within the front. His brown eyes watched the other strongly, the brown haired male then looking to her at the end of the performance. She nodded to them before taking a stance.

''Like this,'' she moved her hand up and down gracefully, rest of her body complying with her before she motioned an unseen other to come forth. ''You do it.''

The unseen other stepped up, Erwin leaning further in through the door as he instantly recognized Levi. He'd be able to recognize Levi anywhere. 

He moved with the same grace as she had shown, the woman showing the other movements she'd like him to create before he could end with the last one, but he complied easily, even if he looked angered to have to do it. He moved so well, and Erwin couldn't believe it was the same soldier he'd become friends with. The other two dancers grinned before the class came to an end, the other spectators leaving. Erwin swung the door open and pressed his back against it, allowing the two dancers to leave. They nodded to him, thanking him quietly before continuing down the hall in laughter. He turned to look back into the class, finding Levi organizing his things and shoving them into the bag. He glanced up to the instructor before taking a step inside. 

Levi turned to look at who was entering before his expression dropped momentarily, building back up again.

''Hi Levi.'' he said, adjusting the mat. 

''Erwin. What are you doing here?"

''I took a yoga class today. Thought I could loosen up.'' 

The other pulled his bag onto his shoulder and waved to the instructor. 

''Bye Levi!" she said, Levi's fingers wrapping around Erwin's bicep before pushing him out the door. 

Erwin took stumbling steps back before his back hit the wall, fingers still on his bicep. 

''What the hell were you doing watching the class?" Levi asked.

''Well I just heard the music and saw the dancers, I thought that I'd look in for a moment. I saw that others were doing it-'' He was being pulled down the hall instantaneously, Levi rushing for what looked like no reason. ''Levi, what's the matter?"

''I didn't want anyone else to fucking know.'' 

He gripped the others arm and pulled him to stop in the center of the silent hall, just before the doors into the lobby. 

''I thought you were wonderful.'' he spoke with honesty, but that honesty bounced off the pulled expression of the other, the blond loosening his grip. ''No one else needs to know, if that's what you're so worried about.'' Levi began to pull away, his grip leaving the blond's bicep before he grabbed his shoulders and made him face him. ''Don't be worried about me knowing about this. A soldier isn't the same from when he's in combat.''

Something softer took possession of Levi's face before Erwin let go, allowing him to take a comfortable step back and adjust the strap on his shoulder. 

''I was always told that this was pussy shit,'' he told the taller man. Erwin waited for continuation but knew nothing more was going to come from the other from there. 

''It takes strength to move like you did.'' 

Levi looked up at him, eyes darting across his face before he grinned and looked towards the lobby. 

''Hungry?"

Erwin could allow himself to settle, straightening out his back and nodding. 

''I could use a bite to eat.''

\--

He couldn't shake the embarrassed feeling while he sat on the opposing side of Erwin, hands in his lap after he made his decision on what to eat. It wasn't like Erwin found a porn stash underneath his bed, or caught him watching something he wasn't supposed to. Besides being a grown man and feeling entitled to watch anything he damn well pleased, it was also _just_ a dance class. 

Erwin simply sat in front of him, hair a stuck up on all ends from his constant attempts to shape the short strands, menu in his hands and eyes concentrated as he read over the same two pages to figure out what he wanted to eat. Levi had made his choice long ago, and found humor in watching the blond struggle with his decision. 

''Do you two need a few more minutes?" the waitress had asked that last time she came around, and instead Levi answered this time. 

''I'll have the Caesar salad,'' he told her, picking his menu up off the table to hand it to her. She nodded and then looked to Erwin, the blue eyes raised menacingly over the top of the red menu with one brow raised. Levi reached for his glass and brought his drink to his lips and sipping quietly. 

''I'll have a classic burger, please,'' the blond responded, shutting his menu. He was so kind all the fucking time. 

''No cheese but everything else?" she asked him. Erwin nodded. She finished writing it down before taking the menus from them, walking back to the kitchen. 

''You shouldn't pressure me like that, Levi.'' he told him. It was a low tone, both menacing and meant for Levi to hear only. Smooth and hot. 

''You shouldn't make me wait for fifteen minutes while you struggle to make a decision. There's four pages, just pick something.''

''I have preferences.'' 

Erwin took a long sip of his lemonade before setting it back on the table. The comfortable silence that sprouted between them grew to a more awkward one, Levi feeling the tension in his lower back begin to dwell before the blond spoke. 

''You're not angry that I saw you dance, right?" His tone was quieter so the individuals at the next table didn't hear his question. 

Levi looked up to him, having begun playing with the edge of the table coyly before Erwin asked his question. Did he feel angry? No, just downright embarrassed. 

''Embarrassed.'' Levi responded. His honesty came easier with Erwin. ''Like I said, I was always told it was pussy shit.''

Direct words from a direct statement, something ground so far into his mind that he couldn't help repeating it when it came time to speak on the subject. When he even slightly felt interest in a subject like dance, it was turned around to something else. 

''No need to feel embarrassed.'' he already knew that, but he couldn't help it. ''At least around me. Its very beautiful and I find it to be the opposite of 'pussy shit' as you've called it.''

It was odd to hear Erwin curse. Levi tangled curses into his everyday language like it was nothing, but hearing the blond use it instead changed something in him. Nothing drastic, but he realized that he'd never heard Erwin curse. That or it was never truly loud enough for him to hear. They were close to a month of friendship, and since that night of meeting him at the dinner party, they'd both changed. 

''It's hard to not believe it, or say it,'' he began churning the ice within the plastic glass cup. ''Hell, lots of things are like that.''

Lots of things were difficult to avoid saying or doing, not many were conciously made, corrected, stated. But when he raised his eyes, the blond was full of understanding, yet again, and his blue gaze seemed to be even deeper than the last moment he looked into them. 


	6. Chapter 6

The résumé had been re-written three times, revised, edited, checked through Petra before he had the big enough balls to apply for the job he had been looking at. The application was both for the needed income and the settle of his mental state this far into being back home. 

He'd done nothing _near_ applying for a job in the past several months, or getting anywhere close to even thinking about applying for one. After one nasty hangover, the thought suddenly came, but that was only when the cigarettes went out and the quitting session began. Luckily he hadn't touched one in months, grateful that Eld was pushy enough to get them off him before Petra could ever guess that he'd touched one. He didn't want to join a job either smoking or trying to get off of them, understanding how his temper would probably flare more and he sure as hell wouldn't be able to deal with the public in that state. 

Nothing, he found, really cared about his ex-military skills when applying for jobs, but he still slipped it in there to explain what he had been doing for the past six, seven years of his life. Levi set his head in his hand, exhausted after the day of staring straight at the computer screen and waiting strenuously for responses. 

It was a chef's job, nothing much, he'd probably be stuck with cleaning the dishes up after meals and running the trash out, but it was something. He had skills in that department, having taken classes throughout high school and learning from both his mother and the overly friendly neighbor that he practically lived with when his mom worked two jobs. He raised his head and looked forth at the screen, raising his finger and allowing it to hover above the button to send the résumé on its way. 

His jaw clenched slightly before he exhaled through his nose. Either they take him in and he waits to find a different job, or stares like a bitch at the screen and waits for the bravery to come. 

The résumé went on its way and when it showed that it was successfully delivered, he closed the lid to his computer and placed it on the cushion beside him. He rubbed his eyes, falling into the back of the couch. 

An ''honest discharge''. 

Bullshit. 

It left him with nothing afterwards, maybe some cash to keep him afloat but the uniform and medals were nothing, even if there was a medal of honor mixed into the stash. His eyes opened, crossing the room towards the heavy trunk in the corner beside the dining table. It sat in there, the uniform, covering the rest of the memories of his military years. 

He expected to serve longer, so did his commanders and captains, fellow soldiers, all knowing the name 'Ackerman' from his uncle and grandfather before him. The infantry man, the general Ackerman, the noble and bravest men that soldiers had met in their years. He could laugh for only if they really knew his uncle, or his grandfather for that matter. But he'd met those men _after_ their military years, their deployments and their medals. He came into existence _after_ his grandfather could retire, _after_ his uncle finished his first deployments. 

There was never an opportunity for him to meet those family members _before_ the truth and brutal honesty of what war was came to them. Before reality hit. 

He'd been polished and ready for what was going to be the utmost horrid bootcamp that had ever seen the light of day. All so he could continue on his family's now tradition in his attempts to make his uncle proud. Fucking stupid, but this started because he didn't have a choice. Not at first, but he had them after, left those choices behind because he felt that it was his responsibility to carry on the legacy. 

He came home with scars and medals. 

That should make them proud enough, even if he was ''honorably discharged''. 

Steel eyes swept away from the trunk when the burning came to his eyes, gaze locked on where the wall met the ceiling and didn't pull away for ten seconds of careful, quiet breaths and the dire want for a cigarette. 

It hadn't been so difficult in the past few months, mainly because he distracted himself from everything, left what he could of the military behind, refused going to military dinners with Oluo or Petra, only there because his co-pilot friends dragged him. He still wasn't sure that it was fully legal for him to be allowed to wear the uniform, or go to those sorts of meals, but everytime his face did show up, the generals and those he knew were more than happy to see him. 

They shouldn't have been, at least in his eyes. 

Another ten seconds. Calm rhythm. Breathing. Eyes came closed. 

Relaxed. 

He followed the motions of the dance when he watched himself in the wall mirrors, what needed to be held firm, following the motions with slight twitches to his muscles before one last breath was taken in. 

It flowed out as he opened his eyes, now staring forth at the television on his wall. 

Money for the house had been his mothers. She'd left it for him in case he ever wanted or felt that he should join a college or university. If he ever needed to get away, she said. He'd gotten as far away as he could and lived by the beach with her well earned money, but he was close to his mother. As close as he could get.

He avoided looking at his laptop for the rest of the afternoon, blending into the next day when he was getting dressed to go on his run with Nanaba. He'd been exchanged her number through a thread between Mike and Erwin, figuring out her route and going with her. They met at the crossroads, running together up around her neighborhood before she split off home and he went back to the crossroads. And checking the time, he found that he was close to being late. 

Keys, phone, headphones, all organized. He locked the house up before jogging down the road, following it down to the dense shrubbery and pushing through it into the open dirt road. That easily lead him to the shoreside pathway, which from there angled around the shops and hotel that sat upon the shoreline. He remembered staying in that hotel when he was nine years old. 

When he reached the crossroads, he found Nanaba was late too, drastically rushing down the pathway and grinning when she noticed that Levi was just as late as she was to their run. 

''What's your excuse?" she asked as she arrived. 

''What's yours?"

''Had to settle an argument with an angry boyfriend. And you?"

''Couldn't find my left shoe.''

Nanaba smiled and they started off, officially, down the pathway. Several people were parachuting off the cliffs, riding out the breeze and the wind, one getting far out before following the harsh wind back to the grass. They landed just as he and Nana jogged past, a few hello's and nods passed their way from the group. 

They followed it far down the shoreline, Levi raising his eyes to the hotel as they passed but keeping them firm on the road ahead of them. When they reached the intersection, they were both grateful to have to wait for the full circle of traffic lights.

''Illinois kids.'' Nanaba said, Levi looking up from re-tying his shoelace. 

''What?"

''Us. We're Illinois kids.'' she had her hand on the light pole, other on her pulse. ''It's odd meeting someone from Illinois all the way out here. Especially if they're military too.''

''I wasn't really pleading to get back to Centreville.''

''Can't blame you. It's not exactly famed for its schools or hospitality.''

Levi looked up to the white lines of the intersection, cars blurring past. 

''I'm not trying to insult your parents when I say that. Not everyone can afford big, suburban houses with white picket fences and perfect yards.'' she continued. ''We can damn well dream, though. If anything, I'm proud of your parents.''

The red hand on the other side of the intersection switched over and she pushed off the light pole, only in that moment did Levi look at her, making sure her eyes were facing forth before he took his place behind her and jogged after. 

\--

He'd never seen her house, or really bothered to care about it. He wasn't sure if she and Mike were living together or what their situation was at the moment, but coming up to the well sized house proved otherwise. It was fenced in, a short fence but big enough that the bigger dog waiting for her couldn't easily hop over at any time. There were some beginnings of a garden, obviously ruined by the more than happy boxer that wiggled its entire rear end when Nanaba approached the gate, putting its paws over the fence and sniffing Levi as he came close. 

''You gasp and wheeze when you run,'' she told him, struggling to get the dog back so she could open the gate and step inside. 

''You're not any fucking better.'' he retorted, helping her. She slipped in and shut the gate, the dog rubbing its head into her thigh so it could get attention before she looked up at him. 

''This was fun. Even though I'm exhausted and you still gasp and wheeze.''

''Then we can gasp and wheeze together.''

Nanaba smiled a bit, rubbing behind the dog's ears before Levi spoke again. 

"When you said angry boyfriend, it wasn't anything... Bad, was it?"

''Oh no,'' it wasn't exactly any of his business anyways. ''Of course not. We're just dealing with a time in our lives that has to be put under control. I appreciate your concern though. Don't worry, he'd have to be the one to fear me if he ever pulled anything like that.''

He felt a bit more comfortable where he stood. 

''That's good. When are we doing this again?"

''I'll let you know,'' Nanaba said. ''Family shit to deal with.''

''That's my queue to leave.'' he answered, getting her to laugh a bit before he took a few steps back. ''Bye.''

''Bye, Levi!"

He turned and adjusted the headphone in his ear, music turned up as he jogged down the sidewalk. 

\--

A notification rang on his phone after he was dried and dressed, having gotten back from the run and desperately needing a shower. He checked it and found the number to the seafood restaurant had returned his messages. 

 **Levi,  
Thank you for your**-

That was all he was able to read by just glancing at the screen. He opened the message with a large inhale, reading it over without a single breath to find that he had been accepted to work for them as long as he would be able to go in for an interview. 

He fucking hated interviews. 

But if it meant he was one massive step closer to getting a well needed job, then he'd take it, even if it meant part-time. He needed it, and he needed to ignore the strained and tense feeling he got every time he had to do something like an interview. 

They were, at least, happy with the sight of his resume and what he had done, culinary classes and half lies spread around the paper as well, but it got him one step closer. 

**To-  
I'd be more than happy to do an interview. **

**Great! Are you free this Wednesday? Specifically around two?**

No plans, Petra had a seperate, childrens class to teach, Erwin was probably going to be busy throughout the week so nothing would pop up. If Nanaba had to deal with family, then there was less of a chance of something happening in his week. 

No excuses. 

**Yes I am.**

**We'll see you then!**

They listed what sort of clothes they'd like him to come and interview in; semi-formal clothing. He had semi-formal clothing, somewhere. It'd just mean digging around. At least he had an interview time set, this Wednesday, at two, at the seafood beachside restaurant. 

It looked like it'd be good money. 

The most expensive restaurant in San Maria, only for the most stuck-up assholes imaginable. It had wall to floor windows with adjustable curtain settings, reservations sort of place but only three days in advance. 

And somehow, just somehow, he'd managed to get an interview for the place.

He had no attributes for the place, but it'd look good on future résumés, _if_ in fact he did get the job. The last thing he needed was to jinx it.  His phone vibrated again and he glanced down, seeing Erwin's name instead of the restaurants. 

**From Erwin  
hey**

**Hello**

**did you go jogging with Nanaba this morning?**

**Something tells me you already know that I did.**

**noooo**

**Stop being suspicious.**

**alright. how was she?**

**Seemed fine. Made her smile a few times**. 

**thats good**

He had a creeping feeling that something was going on that he wasn't yet informed about, and it was pissing him the fuck off to not know anything. 

**Everything okay?**

**yea just checking**

Levi wanted to know, but he didn't want the repercussions if he pushed the others to tell him what was going on. For all he knew, nothing was happening and Nana just hadn't responded to Erwin's texts all day. It wasn't his business, he wasn't close enough to have to concern himself so much. 

He refused to get too close to the rest of those people. 

 


	7. Chapter Seven

When Nanaba informed him that Levi had asked about Mike downward mood, and the tone he had said it in, something twisted within him. Something ragged, angry, his emotions twirled into one and he'd be damned if he could explain why. 

Like Levi was _accusing_ his friend of something, something horrid that Mike would never be able to bring himself to do, something that Nanaba would never allow the other man to do. And it angered him. Angered him that Levi cared? Or that he felt the other was getting too close and personal? It was a strange dip into his emotions, mainly a strange dip into how he perceived Levi. But Nanaba explained that it was nothing like that, but she had supported her claim with a certain definition just to make sure. Levi seemed settled afterwards. 

Mike would never do that. 

This dip was explainable, and he slowly began to understand why he was so rude, angry, downright awful about his perception of the other man. It came to having to tell the other, speak to him. They'd known each other for a month, and soon it would have to come to a close. It would in January. 

That gave Erwin five, six weeks to inform him on what was happening, but in that time he wanted to truly get to know Levi for Levi. The Centreville kid, the pilot, the man he'd been out with a few times and could share a nice laugh with on the occasion, the secret dancer. One mysterious man. And that had been uncovered in one month, from the end of October bleeding into November. It was a very short one month to him, though, it went by too fast for his taste. Six months would go by twice that time, he already knew it. 

He wondered if Levi had gotten the information from his commander. 

\--

The blond took more yoga classes leading up to Thanksgiving, unable to avoid the decorations and the constant ads from grocery stores about sales and turkey, the family celebration. He doubted he'd be able to face his father for the holiday, knew that Nanaba and Mike were probably going to be pulled to their families for it, Hange and Moblit to each their own. Levi was still the question, though. He spoke about moving to the seaside after his mother, but not anything more on her, leaving a wide, open end after her title.

It was two weeks until Thanksgiving and he'd hung out with the smaller man once or twice over the past other two. Once at the bar, and the other when Levi's dance class and Erwin's yoga class blended together. He'd messaged him often, neither of them mentioning the upcoming holiday or their plans, talking about things they were going to do, other objects. The other's messages began to get scarce, an occasional one in response to his throughout the day, like he hadn't been able to look at his phone for the past several hours. The times that Petra, Levi's dance instructor, informed him that he joined the classes the most, Levi wasn't there, and gave no notification to the woman either. 

They were kept in the dark. His heart twisted again but he ignored it, deciding that Levi must be doing something important with his time. Pilots didn't receive the same amount of deployments as SEALs did, or other soldiers for that matter. It was occasional for them, so it wasn't completely out of the picture for Levi to get a job to support himself, at least until his next deployment. 

He still messaged Levi throughout his day, the other responding when he said he could, and yet again he was not at his Tuesday dance class, Petra giving him a sympathetic look when she turned to the side, leading the rest of the adults in the class. The blond waved to her before walking from the lobby and to his car. He dropped his mat in the passengers seat and turned on the ignition, going to pull his belt on before he looked up into the mirror. The blond hair was getting longer, more messy. He needed to do something with it desperately, figure out what he _could_ do with his hair. 

There was rarely an inbetween on shaving it or letting it grow out before it had to be cut short again. He was reaching a time where it was growing out, and he needed to do something with it to make himself look less raggedy. Well, he wore work-out clothes, he had an excuse at least for today. 

The Lexus was pulled into the shop parking space, just in front of the surf shop before he stepped out and locked it behind himself. There was a nice deli in the very small shopping center, owned and family operated for the past twenty years by a kind Italian family that saw his face regularly. They hired anyone, as long as they trusted them, in their shop. Owning it was an older Italian couple, their kid having gone off to college to pursue a degree and leaving them with the shop instead. Upon walking in the open doors, the smell of something baking hit him, but he went instead to the dark shelves holding other country delights and delicacies. He could find the occasional good chocolate or candy bar, maybe a lovely wine if he was in the mood for a collection of it. He found some cookies he'd never heard of with gold letters saying they were tea biscuits, specifically from Russia. 

He should buy them for the irony of giving them to Mike.

Soap, crisps from France, a magazine before he moved on into the deli part of the store. He still worried about Levi as he stood there, staring forth into the large basket of cheese in front of him. He shouldn't worry, his mind shouldn't even be on Levi. A reluctant shake of his head pulled him to slip his fingers through his hair, raising his eyes to the woman on the opposite side of the deli area, looking into the refrigerators at the foreign ice creams and popsicles. Light brown hair flowed down the middle of her back, body turning his way as ice-green eyes landed on him. Erwin gave a gentle smile in return to her, the woman smiling and looking down at her feet nervously. 

\--

He'd worked double shifts for most of the week, just bumping it around for extra hours and extra money. The uniform he'd received had been washed each time he got home so it looked ready for the next day. His part time work had been forced into full-time and he'd never been prouder, or more stressed, for himself. Currently he took the evening shift, on a Saturday night, busy with running dishes in and out of the kitchen, setting tables as well as taking couples to sit and specific tables. 

Saturday's were rush hour, specifically from five to eight, ten was when they closed. Everyone enjoyed staying for as long as possible at their tables before eventually standing for the next flow of people to be seated.  It was organized, but it was fucking tiring. Even with sole inserts his feet were hurting and his legs overworked, but that didn't mean he was going to stop. 

Ackerman's weren't fucking lazy. 

The seven o' clock flow of people were beginning to arrive, valet's parking their cars and the six thirty people were being directed out. He rushed in quickly to clear up plates and bring them into the kitchen, moving around the chef's and other waiters in the process to get the plates in the sink. So far, he hadn't once been up to clean all the dishes, but was put in charge of making sure the tables were set and the silverware at specifics, napkin folding wasn't his job but he had to make sure that was a certain way as well.

Jesus. 

Seven o' clock were being seated, he was next to bring those people in to their tables and then set another waiter on the task of serving them. He may be new, but he was efficient. He and another were leading them half and half to different directions of the restaurant, the six thirty's mainly seated by the front of the restaurant, later arrivals at the back. Six thirty's were leaving, seven thirty's were coming in, more than the seven o' clocks. It was mainly a blur, cleaning tables, putting down tablecloths, making sure plates were in one piece and delivered straight to the sink along with silverware and glasses. He rushed back to the front of the restaurant before taking one step back, behind the rest of the waiters waiting to serve when he noticed that flash of blond hair and the ultimate white smile. 

Erwin was there. With a woman on his arm. 

He looked... Amazing. A tuxedo sat snugly on his body, like the uniform of the other diners in the restaurant, but the jacket had a more velvet look to it. The woman on his arm had a sparkling dress that flowed to the ground, hair curled down into her back with jewels resting on her chest. Levi stared for a moment too long at the smile, the blue eyes, the calm Pompadour hair-

A hand smacked his shoulder, bringing him back to his job and the clattering noises in the kitchen warring with the smooth music in the dining area and the chatter. He glanced up to the waitress, seeing that she was taking a moment to check if he was okay before he pointed to Erwin and his woman. 

''Get those two at the very back if you can.'' he told her.

She raised her eyes to the blond and brunette. 

''You have an issue with them?" she asked. 

''Of sorts.''

She patted his shoulder where she had smacked it and walked up to Erwin and the woman, Levi watching from around the corner with a menacing look as he royally lead her to their table, following the no name waitress. His stomach churned oddly, Levi looking down at the floor and the apron around his waist before simply stepping back into the rhythm of his job. He kept himself focused on the seven o' clock tables, the individuals requesting more champagne or more wine. He wasn't as focused as a few hours ago, or really, thirty minutes ago. Since seeing Erwin with the woman, there was something that just wouldn't click to keep him going. 

He brought back a new bottle of champagne for one table before sliding to the next for directions to the restroom. Next was a request for a cleaner fork, the one they had sparkling but he did it anyways upon request. Most were assholes that came in, he learned that in the first day, but he also learned that there were the nice ones there, the ones that didn't truly want to bother any of the wait staff. 

Erwin would be one of those overly kind ones. 

He was caught up into cleaning tables and changing tablecloths, not noticing anything more around him, avoiding those couples that didn't want to be disturbed during their meals before they left as well. It was a production line, eight o'clocks coming in and he brought them to the window tables that overlooked the sea. The repetition continued before he found his shoulder aching from the constant movement of one hand, one motion in cleaning the tables before he raised his eyes, a stunned Erwin watching him from the corner table, his date having slipped into the bathroom. 

Dim but beautiful restaurant lights really suited the blond's face, dug deep into those endless blue eyes and the structure of his expression. It brought out the sharp angles, well structured motions, the perfect hair. In return, Levi looked just as handsome beneath the light. 

That was why Levi hadn't been returning his messages regularly. He'd taken up a job. He looked just as stunned and slightly embarrassed at Erwin finding him cleaning tables as he had when he noticed the blond watching him practice the dance in front of his mates. The reflections and the setting of the restaurant, the background of dusk behind him, it all settled on his features. His hair was becoming longer as well, back kept short and hair gelled back to keep out of his face for what the blond guessed was employee protocol. Steel eyes widened, mouth open a tad to slightly reveal those crooked teeth. He looked... Cute.

''Hi Levi.'' Erwin said softly, not pulling his eyes from the other man. Levi was still halted in his cleaning position, eyes focused on the blond in return of his gaze. 

''Erwin...'' he responded quietly. Slowly the sound of silverware hitting porcelain and conversation fluttered back to his senses, bringing along with it the soft music. ''Your date is... Pretty.''

He slowly pulled his gaze from Levi up to the figure that was now approaching him: His date. She sashayed her hips, pulled them from side to side, flirty, sexy, eyes focused on soley him before she finally arrived to the table. She made sure to take one of his hands, seating herself in her chair and keeping his eyes on her and her only. 

''What were you so focused on?" she asked him quietly, smile crossing her face. 

It took him a moment to speak, clearing his throat before raising his free hand to point lightly. 

''My friend. He was-'' looking around her, he found Levi gone from sight, tablecloth and plates in perfect place with the silverware being brought by different waiters. ''-there a second ago.'' his voice became very quiet, eyes turning from the table to rest of the restaurant in hopes of finding Levi somewhere within the crowd. 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

Erwin's eyes scanned further around the restaurant, raising his head and his neck as high as he could without standing from his chair in hopes of finding the smaller man. She looked over her shoulder at the waiters now behind her, eyes dancing across the other tables and diners before her smooth hand ghosted over his own and around his wrist. 

''Erwin...'' she said gently, bringing his hand up off the table and closer to her mouth. His eyes refused to leave the rest of the dining room, hoping that somewhere somehow Levi would pop out and show himself, come back around to their side of the restaurant. The feeling of warm lips against his knuckle made him falter, looking back to the woman that he came here for. He waited on hold for an hour to make sure he could get her a good reservation, the two ending up at the front of the restaurant but she didn't mind. He did this for her. Not to be distracted by Levi. ''Are you in there?"

''Yeah.'' it came out like a whisper, Erwin putting on his best smile and wrapping his hands around hers before he raised his voice to an audible volume. ''Yes, I'm here.''

Her hand grew closer to his mouth and he was hesitant before kissing her knuckle gently, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. She smiled at him, Erwin smiling in return and painfully keeping his eyes on her instead of the other half of the restaurant.

''Excuse me,'' he said, standing from his seat. ''I'll be right back.''

She refused to let go until he pulled his hand away, walking from their table with a hurried pace towards the restrooms. It brushed right past the kitchen, and he was hoping to at least get a glance into the back. But movements were hurried, white uniforms blurring out most of everything else before he slipped to the bathrooms like he said he would. He pushed the door open to reveal the most sparkling bathroom he'd ever seen, stepping inside and going directly to the sinks. It seemed to be empty besides him, the blond turning the faucet on and cupping his hands, bringing his face down towards the sink and splashing himself with it. Stress was building on what was supposed to be his relaxed date with a chance at an ordinary life with a woman. 

He kept his face over the sink for several moments, simply letting the drips drop from his skin and onto the porcelain, scared he might dirty it by simply touching it.

''Calm down, its just a date.'' he told himself raising his face to look at himself in the mirror. The bathroom had the same light, maybe brighter, and complimented him well. But who was he kidding, he messed this up, he messed it all up. With a larger sigh, he dunked his face again before grabbing a towel and drying his face, a stall opening and shoes clacking from behind him towards the sink two or more from him. 

An older man with dark skin and grey hair went up to it, washing his hands quickly before turning his eyes to the blond, back again down to his hands. He'd heard Erwin's very short pep talk, his fears summed up into a six word sentence that a complete stranger overheard. 

''Scared?" the man asked him. 

He slowly straightened his back out, glancing to himself in the mirror. Even if he said he wasn't, his face was going to lie for him. 

''Just a little bit.'' he responded. The older man faced himself in the mirror as well, Erwin watching him as he adjusted his tie, fixed his cuffs, and sorted out his jacket. 

''First date with someone?"

''Yeah.''

''You're quite the gentleman, bringing them here for a first date. Notice how there's only older couples filling up the place?" he partially turned to Erwin, humor in his eyes. ''That's because we never did so much on the first date. We tried, we worried, but our partners stuck with us.''

Erwin swallowed, looking back at himself in the mirror before the older man approached him and helped him fix his own tie, only slightly, and got some water droplets for him from his throat before it could ruin his collar. 

''Now kid, your date better appreciate what you've done for them this evening, but running away from them will do nothing to prove yourself to them. You may have had the bravery to ask them here for a special night, but you must have the bravery to face them the rest of the evening and prove yourself further. It shouldn't be an exercise, but love is nothing shy of a crash course of hell.'' Erwin smiled at that. The man knocked his knuckle lightly into his firm chest. ''But you must remember: _**Don't run away from your emotions**_.''

The man gave him one last smile before turning away from him, graying hair leaving through the very clean door and leaving Erwin to look back into the mirror at himself. He looked calmer than when he came in, eyes less wide, less scared, the light instead made him look royal instead of scared. 

 ** _Don't run away from your emotions_**.

Strange that one man that felt like giving him some fatherly advice could change his entire evening and the feelings that followed. 

With new pride and settled emotions, he followed the mannerisms that the man had revealed to him, fixing his tie, his cuffs, then sorting out his jacket before watching his facial profile as he turned it from one side to the other. He stepped out of the bathroom and walked with his head higher through the restaurant, but as he sat back down in front of her, he couldn't help but feel that his heart belonged elsewhere.

\--

Deep breaths were taken in a certain rhythm, Levi sitting on a crate outside as he listened to the waves below. It was refreshingly cold outside, nibbling his skin each time the wind blew and clinging to his extremities the most. 

He'd run from the situation, grabbing the exact moment that Erwin looked to his date to slip through the flow of people coming to dine, getting through and out the back of the restaurant. Through the kitchen, he felt like he couldn't breathe, the heat of the stoves, the food, the bodies moving together to bring all the meals together. The female waitress from earlier was kind enough to allow Levi to take a break outside. As long as he needed, she told him. but every moment he spent sitting outside he felt he needed to make up serving tables and cleaning up after diners.

It was stupid of him to go like he did, but in the moment he saw no other way of reacting to it. Especially with how lost Erwin looked. He hadn't responded to any of his texts properly in the last four days, and this was how they saw each other again? It wasn't right to try and make it up over drinks, Levi knew that. It'd need to be something better, Erwin deserved better.

His date _was_ very pretty, he'd noticed her when she came in and watched her as she walked to the table with him. She made him the slightest bit uneasy, but he blamed it on the anxious feeling that choked him when Erwin walked in. She really... Suited Erwin. Not like an accessory but she was so gorgeous that it looked like they were a true couple, powerful, able to take over the world. He got that same impression when he first saw Mike and Nanaba together, but moreso with them than he did watching Erwin and the girl fling a bit. 

He refused to admit the slightest amount of jealously creeping up as bile in the back of his throat. 

Ten seconds, each an inhale followed by a slow exhale. 

Steel eyes opened to watch the stars sit above the horizon, water reflecting them in gentle movements and rippling them back up into the light of the night. The moon was beginning to rise on the other side of the restaurant, Levi not yet having a view of it due to the trash bin he sat behind and the mountains further on. 

He stood carefully, doing a five second breath exercise before stepping back into the chaos that was the restaurant. He reached for two plates before the waitress from before halted him. 

''Thats the blondie's and his date's food, you sure you want to take that?" he glanced to her, placing the plates in her grip instead with a silent thank you in his eyes. She gave him a sweet smile before exiting the kitchen to get them to Erwin. He ordered scallops while his date had ordered roasted leeks with fried egg. 

Somehow, it seemed to be even more Erwin. 

He resorted to staying in the back half of the restaurant, eight thirtys coming in for their meals and the few seven thirtys now leaving. Erwin stayed. He stayed for as long as he could, up until nine where a very melancholy look was directed towards the rest of the restaurant and he stood up to pay his check with his date. Levi watched him exit the restaurant and have his car pulled up, date all over him in the waiting process. 

The last few hours were worked to the end, chairs then placed upon the polished tables with the remainder of the dishes cleaned. The kitchen was disinfected and wiped down, clean plates put away in a certain organized manner before Levi and the rest of the wait staff could clock out to go home. Exhaustion pulled at every muscle, straining his eyes when he stepped back out into the cold. His fingers pressed tightly into his eyes, trying to rub sleep away at least until he got home, but a hand smacked his shoulder again. He looked up, finding the waitress there. 

''Alright?"

He nodded. 

''I'm Koudoni.'' she said. ''You're Levi. I asked the wait staff because I knew you wouldn't tell me.''

''Greek name.'' he said. 

''Yeah,'' she responded. ''Means 'bell.' ''

Levi raised his chin a bit. 

''Bell?"

She nodded, apron being untied from around her waist and pulled over her head. 

''Parents thought it was a beautiful name, deriving from my grandmothers home country. I don't know, but its unique.''

''No... It is beautiful.''

She looked to him, noting the look on his face before responding.

''Thank you...''

Bell.

Isa-bel.

Koudoni. 

It repeated on his drive home when he stared aimlessly at the road and into the traffic lights, waiting for the light to turn from red to green. When he glanced to the moon and the stars and questioned on what else was up there in the sky. When he held the image of Erwin watching him in that sparce moment in his mind, the lost look in his face when Levi suddenly no longer existed in front of him.

The confusion he felt running out the back door, the strain continuing in his chest. The overthinking followed by the difficulty to breathe that followed him from the kitchen into the night air. The followed exercises he learned when he was seven, shutting his eyes in hopes to close out the rest of the world. 

Bell. 

Bel.

Isa-bel.

Things that stuck in his mind and stayed until he dropped his keys by the door and his apron on the arm of the couch. Things that stayed far into when his shoes were collected neatly and into the box at the foot of the coat closet. Things that stayed when he untucked his shirt and unbuttoned his pants. Things that stayed when he undressed and stared at the man that watched him from the other side of the mirror. In his life, his uncle didn't exist before the military. There was only Kenny, the infantry man, the dickhead. 

There was only his grandfather, a harsh man with a voice raised a bit too loud that scared him the one time he met him when he was four. There never existed a time before the military effected them, there never existed the men that were supposed to be before the military in his eyes. He saw nothing but the wear and tear of reality on them and hated them for it, hated how they broke the cloud of sunshine his mother held up in front of him. Was revolted, loathed them if such a word could come into his vocabulary. 

Incidentally, he never knew of a grown Levi before the military effected him. He knew just of the soldier, with his scars, his medals, and his dying hope. He never knew the man that he might've become, the man with the sports scholarship that may have graduated from a pristine university one year, making a new tradition for his family. Only knew the lost eighteen year old, newly graduated and gripping onto the friends who stayed. The friend from fifth year and the friend from sophmore. The friends that followed him so blindly into the military, that excused their way into his battalion. 

A Levi before hardships did not exist. 

To try and go back so far, to dig so deep, a young child with hopes and dreams and a very raggedy toy would be found. 

A Levi before war did not exist, such as Kenny, such as his grandfather. 

The life that should have been his did not exist, and he hated every moment of staring at himself in the reflection. His eyes moved down to the counter and he placed his hands upon them, following the breath exercises and shutting his eyes. With each breath he followed the motions he learned in dance, following Petra's body as best as he could, centering his turmoil within his stomach and using it to move better. 

He could feel the hairs on his arms that once stood up now start to relax again, and he knew it was working. A pull wanted him to go that trunk that was never looked within, not since he blindly pulled the uniform out with the small case with medals within. 

The dreaded evening brought good into his life, it brought Erwin and all the madness that seemed to follow him. Mike, Nanaba, Moblit and Hange. He felt that he should get to know the last two better, get to know all of Erwin's friends. He made an agreement that that could not be done until he apologized for his actions that evening with how he ran off. He could get closer to those people. He could do it. Keeping himself branded to just Petra and Oluo did nothing to aid him, and Petra told him in honesty that he needed more friends one day. 

He'd make one day tomorrow. 


	9. Chapter Nine

The big, black trunk was ignored, still collecting dust in the corner of the house when he woke up the next morning. He picked up his phone, exhausted from the restless night but not wanting to interrupt Erwin if he was busy with the date from last night. Finally, at what he counted a safe time in the day, he messaged the blond man. 

**To Erwin  
I'm sorry about last night. **

What more should he have said? The one sentence explained how he felt easily, and writing a paragraph explaining the situation looked like dramatic overkill that Erwin probably didn't need to wake up to that morning. But Levi felt better, if a bit anxious on how the other was going to respond. He sat with it placed in the center of the table, knees up to his chest and hands wrapped around the rim of the cup, Levi sipping it carefully and watching the screen for any noise or motion at all before it vibrated.

Instantly he was on it, reading Nanaba's name instead of Erwin's, but still not disappointed. 

 **Run?**  she asked. He wasn't angry. 

**Sure.**

**Well then where the hell are you?**

Levi jogged up to where she waited on the pathway, glancing to him and patting his arm before they started off. She lead him around a different route, longer route that pushed him further, but it felt good, felt like it was benefiting him, especially after his actions the night before. Had Erwin not informed either she nor Mike of what he did? 

Did he not truly care?

Nothing more came to Levi's phone in the duration of the run, only using it to put in Hange's number and contact information for Moblit that he'd look at faster than he would his own personal cell. Nanaba gave him a side hug, skin sticking together before she split down the road to her own home, leaving Levi in the street with new numbers and screaming lungs. 

He messaged Hange when he got home, informing them that it was him and that Nana gave them his number, receiving some cryptic message resembling an attempted conversation in return. He sent back a question mark and hopped in the shower, coming back out to find that Hange wanted to do an entire Thanksgiving dinner with everyone, involving him. Levi was rather disappointed to _still_ not have a single message from Erwin, but understood why he hadn't said anything. But he accepted Hange's Thanksgiving request, already knowing Petra and Oluo's plan for the holidays. 

Not like he had anything else planned anyways. 

The house was tidied up and windows cleaner than before, trunk still ignored for the time being. He knew that underneath the uniform, the medals, and the photos, sat a stash of cigarettes, testing himself for the past year. Bad habits dwelled underneath everything else. 

Soft vibrating noises caused his head to lift from his plant watering, Levi peeking his head through the back door and towards the cell phone that flicked off the moment he set his eyes on it. The hose was turned off and he walked back in, door shut before checking his phone. Erwin had responded.

**From Erwin  
its ok.i understand work necessities. i was happy to see you. **

**I could have explained myself.**

**no need. you had a job to do, and the restaurant doesn't have good ratings for no reason.**

It stopped there. Levi still struggled with continuing conversations, used to it being lead by Erwin but then understood in some way how Erwin must have felt the past few weeks trying to message him and get an understanding out from him. 

**Do you want to go out somewhere?**

A step forward. 

**where?**

**I'm free Friday. Before eleven from Monday to Friday, tickets are half price.**

**what time?**

**Meet me at the theatre at ten?**

**but its right after Thanksgiving. will an issue arise from that?**

**Not if they're thinking about something else but money.**

**are you going to the Thanksgiving dinner that Hange is hosting on Thursday?**

**Yeah. They invited me today.**

**what are you supposed to bring?**

**Haven't gotten any instructions yet, but I've been waiting.**

Their conversation continued from there, Erwin giving him warnings on Thanksgiving dinner and on what to expect from each person there. It was calm, Hange putting a pre-recorded football game on for background noise even though every one mainly stayed situated in the kitchen. No one was particularly from a grace family, so that wasn't something he had to be worried about if he wasn't from one either. The same stories were repeated, year after year, just like a family. And they were kind enough to invite him into the family. 

Hange messaged him a while into his conversation with Erwin, requesting he bring macaroni salad for the meal or at least black olives if he didn't know how to make the salad. He gave himself a challenge to complete before Thanksgiving, also having to go to the packed stores for ingredients they may no longer have due to the rush of the holiday and the last minute shoppers, which was what Levi had become. Petra updated him that there was no lessons on Tuesday due to her out of town, and Erwin kept talking about the precautions of an evening spent in the Berner-Zoe household. 

**To Erwin  
How was your date?**

A few minutes of silence on Erwin's end gave Levi a tense feeling before a response came. 

**the staff had great service and the food was great**

He was starting to step over the line, or at least felt that he was. Erwin would be more interested in telling him about his night mainly if he hadn't run off last night and if the blond truly wanted to talk about it. 

Maybe the date _hadn't_ gone well. Everything in his mind pointed to him, accused him of being the suspect. Tables were set, they were lead to their table such as it was custodial of the wait staff, their food was brought to them in a certain number of minutes, no more longer or no more shorter than the intended wait time. But he was spotted in the center of it all. Easily enough it could have been an issue with the car on his way home, something that occured when he brought the woman to her home, anything. He didn't have to put the blame on himself, and that was just starting to rise within him. 

If Erwin didn't want to see him, Erwin wouldn't agree to a meet-up at the theatre for a movie and then possibly food, even _if_ he was overly kind. He knew who he wanted to be around and didn't, and he would inform Levi if it was something he did during the dinner to spoil it. 

\--

Blue eyes opened at around mid-day, shifting slightly his body slightly to take in the rest of the setting. His body was slightly sore, stiff and uncomfortable. He blinked several times, trying to wake himself up more and trying to get a better understanding of what happened. His curtains were open, and checking under the blankets he found himself utterly nude beneath. Erwin sat up, leaning on his hands and letting his head loll side to side before glaring at the rest of the room.

He'd gotten home with his date last night and remembered having sex with her, unfocused for the majority of it. His pants were thrown over her side of the bed, not where they had been placed the night before, and thrown in even more of a mess than he remembered them landing upon the hard wood. Erwin shifted his bare legs out from under the covers as he reached over and picked the pants up, rifling through them in search of his wallet. Instead, he noticed his wallet thrown by the edge of the wall, open. Cash inside had been taken out upon closer inspection, but his card he'd hidden behind family photos he kept inside. Erwin let out a massive sigh and fell back against the bed. 

She at least appreciated the dinner he reserved for them, and apparently his cock and his cash. Great, he'd spent so much money for the night before, putting cash into the tuxedo, making sure the car had a full tank of gas so they could arrive, plus the cost of the food. He'd bought her an expensive wine, or champagne, or whatever it was, he bought it for her upon her nervous request. And she'd used it all and ran off with his money the next morning. 

When he went through the rest of his home, he found that nothing else was touched, just his shoes that had been thrown by the door had been kicked out of the way and the lock unlatched. His legs were developing goosebumps in the cold, inner thighs not used to being so open to the air. The expensive television, costly items in his kitchen, the computer he left lying on his desk, that was all left alone, including the polished watch. She had no interest in anything else, so it must have been her first hit. 

Erwin dressed himself and reached the kitchen, opening the fridge doors and boredly looking within. He got out the milk and found a low on box of cereal, followed by getting a bowl out before dropping himself on the couch. For several minutes he didn't reach for the handle of the spoon to eat, didn't reach for the remote to watch television. He took a moment to sit and think.

The phone buzzed and he raised his eyes to it, finding that Levi took it upon himself to apologize for having to go back to work. Why would he have to apologize for doing his job? The restaurant was overpowered and overworked, Levi shouldn't have to feel the need to be sorry. But it must have been the wrong timing for them to be able to talk, just as he felt the surprise wear off, his date came back around to the table, giving Levi the split second to have to get back to work. He didn't message back for a while longer, guessing that he needed a longer time to think about his responses. He was close to informing Levi on what was going on truly throughout the group before he responded with simple answers. It bled on to the Berner Thanksgiving, Erwin's favorite time of the year. He was pleased that Levi was now invited, now known enough to be a part of the group. Thanksgiving was an integral time for everyone, the holiday they put towards their smaller family instead of blood-related, which they dealt with during Christmas. 

They would see each other on Friday morning, before eleven to watch a film that he never heard of but Levi seemed rather excited to go and watch. If it meant seeing an excited Levi, then he was more than happy. 

In the evening he messaged him quickly, simply asking about the other's job and why he decided not to tell anyone, following it up by informing him that he wasn't angry, but more concerned. He hoped Levi wasn't embarrassed by being found out about his job like he was about dance, both took strength to do, and Erwin seemed to have a deep amount of respect for the other. 

**I've pushed it into my mind that I must be embarrassed about things.**

He seemed to have less of an understanding than Erwin did about the structure of his thoughts and his mind. The sentence didn't give much of an explanation, but it was enough for him to understand, simply responding with

**thats ok**

He sent him ingredients for macaroni salad that Levi was in charge of making, appointed by Hange. He wondered if Hange gave him anymore clues to what they had for Thanksgiving, or if he just knew of the macaroni salad. Erwin had to get salad mixes alongside every dressing imaginable, everyone having different preferances for what they wanted on their salad, including a great big bag of croutons that Hange gave the exact location of, within a Winco. 

Erwin rolled his head back, bangs covering his eyes and the filthy bowl of cereal still resting on the couch cushion beside him. He still needed a haircut. His eyes opened, looking through the golden strands and looking up towards the ceiling, finding a small enjoyment in how his bangs covered his gaze, blurred things slightly. It'd been years since he'd had his hair that long, and since then he realized he hadn't properly spoke to his father. Erwin stared up through the hair, slowly lifting one hand to lift the strands, letting them fall through his fingers and back onto his face. The enjoyment was an odd one in the silence of his home. The repetition continued, lifting the hair and allowing it to fall, ignoring all else within the comfort of his home. 

The dark blue ceramic bowl was cleaned and set in the dishwasher alongside the spoon, Erwin changing out of the pajamas that he had pulled on that morning and into jeans and a comfortable fitting shirt. Next he looked for shoes, finding instead his military boots in front of the closet. He stared deeply at them for several long moments, vision hazing into them soley before he stood and walked from his bedroom with his empty wallet in his pocket and keys. Even though it was emptier, it felt heavier within his back pocket, finding his shoes and feeling the slight leverage it gave him on his right side compared to his left side. 

Hopefully the other wouldn't mind a sudden intrusion into his cliffside home from a sudden visitor, one that hadn't visited properly in years, even around the holidays. There was rekindling to be done, a mission he had set himself to do and to complete, knowing who deserved an explanation more than the man he had begun to concern himself with for the past month. 


	10. Chapter Ten

When the car emerged from the neighborhood streets, out onto the freeway, he felt pieces of a larger puzzle shift and connect, as if the road built itself in front of him, a fateful road he told himself. The tires ground against the asphalt, Erwin taking the left turn off the sixty-five and up into the cliffside roads, spiraling up through the hillside homes and glancing to the stilts. The stilts always looked like they gave the homes spindly legs and limbs they didn't need. 

As he wound up further, to the more expensive homes with the mass windows, his gut began to feel ill, screaming for him to turn around and go back home. When a Tesla car passed, he let his eyes linger and nearly drove into the road side barrier, focusing his attention to the road in front of him. He glanced once into the rear view mirror, just as he began to pull into the driveway towards the gate. His hand lifted from the steering wheel and set itself upon the handle within the door before he rolled his window down, eyes looking forth at the code box. 

It had a camera and microphone connected to it, only initiated if the visitor buzzed it, Erwin helped his father put it all together. He reached out of the window and looked forth at the gate and paved driveway, wincing when he pressed the notification button as if it hurt him to do so.  Static screamed on the other line and buzzed before silence came from the other line. He knew he was being watched, being identified and being questioned if he was truly sitting in car in the driveway. 

''...Erwin?"

He bit his lip, then feeling the burning sprout up behind his eyes. 

''Hey, dad.''

With nothing more, a scream went off, gates unlatching and opening to allow him inside, Erwin inhaling slowly before letting his foot off the brake, using the decline to ride down and pull his car up beside his fathers. It was a beautiful home, not the highest on the cliff but it still gave a beautiful view of everything, especially during the night time. It even included a pool, all the way up there. 

Erwin rubbed his hands across the steering wheel before pulling it into park, unbuckling the belt and stepping from the car. He pocketed his keys, hand lingering on the door as he looked up towards the window and the light wood door, newly polished apparently. That opened to him as well, light graying hair revealing itself with a more wrinkled face behind it, the man dressed in loose clothing and slippers, glasses resting on his nose. It angled just as his own, the hook in the beginning of the bridge. 

''You look...'' his father began, raking his eyes up and down his son with his words resting on his tongue. 

''Yeah...'' he responded, pushing the door closed, car honking to show it was securely locked. ''You do too.''

His father raised his hands to him and beckoned him forth, apparently not holding any ill feelings towards him for not speaking to him or even thinking of coming to visit. The long hair must have been a shock to his father, especially since the last time he saw his son he had newly shaved his head for his fourth tour. Erwin was instantly in his arms, his father resting his head against his shoulder with his arms wrapping underneath his arms, the older man patting his back and holding him as warmly as when he was just a small child. Only now was it a struggle, Erwin becoming slightly taller and even broader shouldered than his father. 

The man pulled back, enough to look up at his son, enough time in the few seconds to evaluate before beckoning him inside. He stepped in, no words coming from either of them but an understanding between them. His father had put up the picture of them in the snow together up on the wall just as one was to walk in, mixed in with paintings and other family pictures. Erwin smiled warmly at it, but didn't feel as if he deserved a picture on a wall, or the warmth he was receiving from his father. The hall was rather dark, but light flooded in from the windows on the far side of the home, being lead to the living room. Just beside it was a small space used for the kitchen, spacious enough for movement. His father placed him in the corner of the couch, moving to the kitchen to make something before Erwin spoke. 

''Sorry isn't enough for what I've done.''

Movement within the next room halted, the blond not brave enough to look to his father before it slowly resumed, sound of cups being placed onto the counter. 

''For what, Erwin?"

''Not coming to you. You're my family and I've done nothing but ignored you.''

''I wasn't expecting my son to come back from war the exact same as before.'' A gentle wind came through the vents, very calm sound. ''I _had_ expected for you to at least come to me to talk, to reconcile with me. But you needed time to yourself, and the moments you did come were enough.''

He heard the kettle flicked on, cabinet opened and closed with something softer placed onto the counter beside the cups. 

''I never knew how I could start it.'' he responded. ''A conversation with you. Not after everything. I knew what I signed up for, you feared what I was going to do, and I came back unable to communicate with the one person that could listen.''

''To me, Erwin, we lost only three months.''

The vents allowed for the conversation to be softer. 

''Three months?"

''I didn't count the true amount of months you were away on your tours, serving the country, helping people in others. I ignored those times. I only counted the amount of time you wouldn't speak with me during your time back home.'' the kettle was starting to boil properly now. ''That was what mattered to me. I could not hold against you the time spent in other countries, and realized that I couldn't hold against you the time you spent to yourself against you either. All that I can do is be grateful that you are here with me now, sitting in my home, speaking to me.''

Erwin allowed himself a glance over his shoulder, seeing his father lift the kettle and pour the boiling water into the two cups, one Erwin decorated when he was around seven, the other his father made by hand. 

''Like I said, I was not expecting my same son to come home.'' his father spoke as he placed the kettle back in its place, opening a drawer and placing two spoons within the cups before coming back to him with them in hands. The one his father handmade was set in Erwin's hand, his father sitting in the reclining chair beside him, the blond wondering how deep the dip was now from five years ago. ''I am only happy that you are home and alive.''

He looked down into the cup, seeing that his father made for them hot cocoa. Erwin gave a gentle smile before raising his eyes back to his father, but the man could read him easily and he knew it gave way to what was on his mind. 

''I have an interesting few months to tell you about.'' he said. "The past one is the highlight.''

The older man took a gentle sip of his hot cocoa, burning his tongue and fanning his mouth before gesturing for him to continue. He began with when he was adjusting to life back home, what he had done, his time spent with his friends. But it mainly twirled around the struggles he had doing all of those actions, trying to act like he was having fun instead of being lost most of the time. It continued into the beginning of October, when he first began noticing changes to his face and body, how his hair had become longer and how odd it felt to see it like so. He explained the longest on Levi and how he met him, the bar, leaving out the part of seeing him at his dance but did inform his father that he had started yoga. It came up to the date that occured the night before, speaking to him on the woman he met at the deli, the actions leading up to it, and finally ending with his conversation with Levi. 

A look of concern spread through his fathers face about the woman, but he seemed relatively happy for Erwin on his meeting the smaller man. He gave the advice that he could before continuing with 

''Could I meet this Levi?"

"I'm not sure he's comfortable enough meeting family members of friends at this point.''

''Well, I just thought because he and I could talk if you were to ever be deployed once more-'' Uh oh. ''-and he sounds like an interesting man.''

''He **is** an interesting man-'' _My_ interesting friend. ''-but I'm not sure with what he'd be comfortable with.''

''At least allow me to message him. I got a new phone!"

His father sprung up, at least as much as a man his age could, and went on the search for the new phone. Erwin placed his cup on a coaster and watched his father.

''You finally got a better cellphone than the flip phone?"

''The one that survived everything? Yep! I even got this a specific case, though it seems a bit big, but I just used hot glue to keep it on.''

He had an iPhone four with an iPhone five case. 

''The seller was a very kind man, told me that I'd get a deal if I bought this for that.''

All in all, his father had ended up spending the same cost that a new iPhone would be, just for an older version and a case that didn't fit, but he was very proud of himself and the accomplishment. 

''Were you successful in transporting the information and photos?" Erwin asked, his father sitting beside him to show him the phone. 

''A few photos were lost, but they were blurred pictures of the view from the window.'' he responded, opening it up. His wallpaper was one of his son's first drawings he made, a bit more detail than a young kid needed. He kept talking as he opened it up, the home screen a picture of a dog he found on one of his morning strolls. 

''You want Levi's contact information, don't you?" Erwin asked, looking to his father. The older man glanced up, the blond then having an understanding on where his suspicious grin came from before he pulled his own phone from his pocket and began to list the number off to his father, sending Levi a warning. 

**To Levi  
my dad's going to message yu**

A few seconds later, his phone buzzed in response. 

**From Levi  
What's gonna what now?**

He grinned, explaining what was happening before Levi sent a screenshot of the older man's messages in return, a string of expletives coming from the smaller man in return to Erwin's messages before he was shown his father's screen. 

''This is him, right?" he asked. 

''Yeah, that's Levi.''

His father continued to text the smaller man before Erwin's phone began to ring. He excused himself and stepped out onto the balcony, shutting the door behind himself before he answered the other man's call. 

''Erwin what the fuck.''

''He just wants to be able to talk to someone when I'm deployed again.''

''Does he not have friends his age? Does he need to speak to me of all people?"

''He wanted to know who my new friend was,'' he said, looking back inside to see his father still typing. ''Is he texting you right now?"

''Fuck, he's worse than you.'' Erwin felt a wave of unnamed emotion spread through him before Levi continued. ''Anyways, besides your father attempting to send me messages the size of the bible, have you been okay?"

"Have _I_ been okay?"

''Yeah...'' Levi trailed off. ''I mean... Can't really hear tone in text messages.''

''You've been worrying about it for the past two days, haven't you?"

''Shut up.''

Erwin leaned his elbow onto the railing, looking down to his father's pool before raising his eyes towards the other homes. 

''We had a lovely dinner, it was great seeing you. She appreciated the dinner, the fancy crap I put her through and apparently appreciated my cock and the cash in my wallet as well.''

''Well shit,'' Levi responded, the blond smiling after his statement. ''You have any contact information for her? Are you going to report her to the police?"

''I don't want to waste my time doing that.'' he said, eyes turning towards the ocean as a soft breeze blew through his hair. ''I'll just delete her info and move on. I got a movie date this Friday with this nice guy anyways.''

''It's not a fucking date, blondie.''

''Whatever you say.''

''I thought dates only happened during the evening.''

''Dates can happen during any time of day,'' Erwin responded, gaze now moving over towards where his neighborhood vaguely was at, shrouded by taller buildings. ''Breakfast dates, lunch dates, dates at the park.''

''The cliche shit.''

''Yeah, the cliche shit.''

''Hm,'' that was the other's response, both thinking for a longer moment before Levi spoke again. ''I think your father's worrying about why I haven't returned his messages.''

He looked back inside, seeing his father pointing to his cellphone. 

''Oh, yeah, he's making gestures about it. I'll explain that I was on the phone with you. I should probably go, so you can text him and I can fill him in on the rest of my life.''

''Alright. Make sure to do a lot of complaining about the woman.''

''Oh don't worry, I'm already on that mission.''

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Ending of Fall**

Levi was angered about the woman taking advantage of the kindness in Erwin's heart, the man that wanted nothing more than to gift people and make them happy. He cursed about it silently, carrying the basket in his hand with the list of ingredients that the blond had sent him. The store wasn't as busy at six in the morning compared to the afternoon when he usually went, given the night shift that later evening before the preparation for the holiday coming up. 

They'd have three days off entirely around the holiday, the eve and day afterwards, including of course the actual holiday before it slowly came back to the usual rhythm of the restaurant. There were less reservations to the restaurant when holidays came around, giving more relaxation to the employees and the chefs. It also gave them time to get home to their families to properly celebrate holidays. 

After this, he had Hanukkah coming up, then Christmas which was tied with his birthday. None of the holidays he necessarily celebrated, by himself or with others. But something told him that he might be celebrating them this year. He did have a habit of at least taking something to his mother this time of year, the certain month _very_ important to her. But besides that, nothing more was done, and he didn't concern himself much with it from then forth. Petra reminded him about it, reminding him that it was time to visit his mom and give her something, Oluo sending him off with food while Gunther made sure he at least had a present or two from he and Eld. 

He was very grateful to have those people in his life alongside him. 

Petra was a pilot with him, also honorably discharged due to health issues that came up during the middle of their second tour together. Oluo was a mechanic at the time, always blabbering about things and what good condition he wanted the planes returned it. He continued that mechanics job back here, where he managed to become a fire safety technician, installing and maintaining large scale fire alarm systems. He goes all over for it, and is paid well for it too. The issue coming up was that he was getting called so often, that Petra was lonely and wanted to hang out with Levi. He gave in to the dance classes, Petra getting him to truly relax on the first day, helping him understand that he didn't need to worry about other opinions. 

She requested that he come earlier to dance class so they could talk a bit that Tuesday, Levi busy Monday morning with the ingredients for food. 

Upon arriving home, he received a message from Nanaba, picture of her dog laying on Mike's chest, Mike cuddling it close to himself. It looked warm where he laid before Levi got to starting on the macaroni salad. He hadn't heard of people eating it at Thanksgiving dinner before, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, he knew of those things. But he made it anyways along with the instructions that Erwin had given him before putting it all into a massive bowl and setting it in his refrigerator. 

The lid was lifted the next day before he went off to dance, reminding himself to get there earlier upon Petra's request. He opened the door a bit and found her inside, setting up her phone to the bluetooth speaker before she raised her head to him and waved. Levi waved in return, stepping inside and setting his bag on the mats that were piled up, removing his jacket from his shoulders and draping it over the bag. 

''How have you been, Levi?" she asked him. 

''I've been good,'' he responded, hoisting himself up to sit on the sturdy piles. ''Are you?"

''Oluo hasn't been home for a while...'' they came to each other with their problems. ''I guess I needed something to distract me.''

''What's the criteria of the class today?"

''Adjusting the movements.''

''Focus on that. He'll come home.''

She smiled a bit, the two continuing class when it came to time. By the end his legs were hurting and he felt worn out, both from the work of class and his job that found no end. He raised his eyes to the door that Erwin always stared through and found him there again, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. His mat had been zipped up into his bag and he grinned when Levi noticed him. Steel eyes moved from the smile to his hair, which had been given an undercut, the longer blond strands trimmed and pushed aside.

He looked good still. 

Levi pulled his bag over his shoulder and waved to Petra, walking with Erwin to the lobby in the comfortable silence that grew between them, the blond pushing the door open and allowing him to exit first. 

''You haven't seen any more of your little escape artist?" Levi asked, thumbing the strap on his chest. 

Erwin shook his head, allowing the door to close behind him. 

''No. I hope I don't have to either.'' they walked into the parking lot, the blond turning his eyes to him. ''How have the messages between you and my father been?"

''How have they _been_? Well, he updates me on more useless shit than you do, I guess it runs in the family.''

He chuckled, low and hearty. 

''We have a thing for that.''

''At least I know where the neighborhood dog is.''

''It's important.''

Levi just huffed. 

''Hows the macaroni salad coming along?"

''I finished it Monday. It's refrigerating, I didn't know how much time it would take either.''

''Ah,''

"What were you supposed to get.''

''Salad dressing.''

A confused gaze was sent his way from the smaller man before steel eyes re-directed to the asphalt, kicking a pebble. 

''Salad dressing... What goes on at a Berner-Zoe dinner?"

''Lots of things.''

He shook his head in return.

''We're still on for Friday?"

''Of course. I wouldn't want to spend my morning any other way. I also might need a distraction from what happened with my date anyways.''

''Are we leaving her with no name?" Levi asked. 

''Do you think she deserves one?"

''Nah, fuck her.''

Yeah, fuck her.

Erwin was happy to see Levi after his yoga, watching the other's form as he moved to the music. It was classical music, more of a ballet, and it was odd to think that Levi could do such a thing as ballet dance. Nevertheless, it was beautiful to watch, his eyes never pulling away from the other man as he moved and shifted to the music. 

Petra really knew what to apply to Levi, what suited him. The peaceful, graceful things.

Wednesday night he met with Mike at the bar, head in his hand and eyes staring forth at the table, gripping onto his glass of bourbon like his life might depend on it. Mike, on the other hand, sat on the other side in silence, carefully outlining the dips and curves of the glass in his hands, waiting for Erwin to respond verbally to his question. 

"Have you told him yet?" he asked again. 

The other soldier looked up before raising his glass to his lips, a hoarse response sounding from the back of his throat.

''No.'' he gulped back the bourbon before dropping the glass onto the table, rubbing his eye with the knuckle of his thumb. ''No, I haven't.''

''Who _have_ you told?"

Erwin didn't need the accusatory tone, or the watchful stare of the other. 

''My father.'' he responded.

''No one else?"

''Who else do you _want_ me to tell, Mike?" he lifted his head from his hand, knowing the anger he showed was useless and nothing but rude to the other man. His hand felt clenched, his brows drawn together in his show of emotion. 

''I just want to understand why you haven't told Levi yet.'' Mike responded, still very calm on the other side of the table, but in his eyes Erwin could see the controlling anger within. ''He means something to you, yet you've left him out of the equation.''

''I don't want to tell him until January.''

''January? Erwin, that's weeks away-''

'' _ **Because**_ if I tell him now-'' he stopped himself, rubbing his eye again. ''I don't fucking know, Mike. Because I feel like telling him too early will put a stop to how he talks to me, how he knows me. If I tell him, I feel like he's going to run away.''

Mike was silent, evaluating the words and allowing for them to sink in, Erwin finding him to be more mature in that respect before he spoke again.

''Alright. Wait until January.'' the tone was open ended as he lifted his own drink to his mouth and took a sip. ''Hopefully Levi is understanding.''

''He's a very understanding man...''

''I don't know him like you know him. Not yet, anyways. Do you think he'd enjoy spending time with me?"

''As long as you're not the one to tell him, then yes.''

''I won't rat you out to him, don't say it like that.'' Mike responded. ''I just wanted to know.''

''I don't know,'' Erwin responded, thoughts calming. ''He has an odd difference of friends that I know of so far.''

The corner of Mike's lips lifted, the man swirling his alcohol more. 

''He's coming to Thanksgiving, right?"

''Yeah, macaroni salad.''

''I hope he has fun with that.''

Erwin just smiled in return. 

\--

Thanksgiving came around, the third Thursday in November, and Erwin pulled his car up behind Mike and Nana's Jeep, stepping out with his bag of assorted salad and salad dressing. So far, he didn't see Levi's car, but as he looked up it came down the road. The blond man waved, Levi waving in return before checking the road with the most concentrated look and turning his car around up behind Erwin's. He stepped out with a bowl of macaroni salad, lid closed. 

Erwin gave him a hug, stepping up to the door and being invited inside by a very excited Moblit, smelling the barbecue and something else baking. He looked to Levi, seeing him confused and questioning what he'd agreed to before steel eyes raised to his face. 

''It's a Berner-Zoe Thanksgiving.'' Erwin explained. 

''It smells like a barbecue, not Thanksgiving.''

''That's the point,'' he said, followed Moblit through the open back door and raising his eyes to the cloudy sky. ''They don't like Thanksgiving food.''

''Not true!" Hange shouted from the corner of the yard. ''I will always go for pumpkin pie.''

''You made yourself ill last time,'' Moblit responded, taking the grill over from Mike. Hange came over and pulled Levi into their arms, hugging Erwin afterwards and pulling back to see what they had brought.

''Ooh, thanks guys,'' they said, taking the bag and the bowl from the men, directing them to the table beneath the gazebo where Nana sat with her feet up, can of something in which she raised in their direction. Erwin took his place in front of her, Moblit doing the rest of the barbecuing while Levi sidled up beside the blond. The blonde's played cards until the food was served, a buffet set up inside on the kitchen counter. Music played in the background while they ate and laughed together, everyone orbiting their time around asking Levi questions. He made sure each time that they even barely _looked_ to him that he had a mouthful of food.

The food served was tri-tip, chicken wings, salad, macaroni salad, biscuits, and corn with a choice of soda, wine, beer, or water. Following that was pumpkin pie with a reasonably sized scoop of ice cream placed on top if chosen by the diner. Erwin was shaking the whipped cream can vigorously in attempt to get some out and onto his slice, most of it used up by the others in a matter of minutes. He leaned over Levi and sprayed it on his slice, cheering when it finally worked before setting the can aside. 

Levi watched him as he sat back to allow Moblit to scoop some ice cream on his pie, thanking him and digging in. 

''Do you stay in touch with many of your fellow squadron, Levi?" 

He didn't know to who the question belonged, everyone's eyes lifting to him in a waited response to the question. In return, he looked up to them, fork resting just on the surface of the pie before he lowered his eyes again. 

''One or two,'' he said, pushing the tine's in through the top layer of the pie, watching it sink down to the crust before that cracked. 

''How many were in the squadron?"

''Five.''

The questions stopped there, the discomfort that Levi felt radiating to whoever interviewed him before Erwin reached over and stole some whipped cream from the top of Levi's pie. The rest of the group continued chatting and talking, Hange going back for more chicken wings and eating them while they sprawled in Moblit's arms, Nanaba stealing some from her friend. 

Laughter and good music filled the air, Erwin's shoulder constantly brushing his own and he felt happy. Genuinely happy in the comfort of the people he could now call his friends. He wasn't angry at them for asking about his life in the military, he gave no clues to his life in the military besides mentioning life before and after to Erwin. Evidently he found it to be none of his business to mention to the rest of the group, which he was grateful for. 

Everyone continued joking, laughing, having the best of time, stomachs full but still eating, the mass amount of paper plates and plastic silverware that would end up in the trash at the end of the night pushed away from themselves. Nanaba sipped her drink, covering her mouth to keep from spitting it out after a rather stupid remark was made somewhere within the conversations buzzing around, Erwin laughing. He focused on the sound of the man's laugh, listened to it as he struggled to breathe and coughed before he wiped tears from his eyes. 

He was so gorgeous.

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

He was still full the next morning when he drove to the cinema to meet Erwin, taste of sugary barbecue sauce and pumpkin pie coating the back of his throat. His car was pulled up into the back parking lot, the smaller man taking shortcuts around buildings towards the front doors of the cinema to find the blond sitting on the minimalist bench and checking his cellphone as he waited for his arrival. 

The front entrance was empty aside the two people stepping in through the doors together. Most shops that surrounded the theatre weren't open yet and there was only one person at the window, waiting for more customers. 

''Hey,'' Levi said, Erwin raising his head and smiling at him. ''Got your money?"

Erwin nodded, standing up as the other approached and digging into his pocket. He brandished two tickets for the ten fifteen showing. 

''I got us both tickets already.''

His shoulders raised and so did his eyebrows before they pulled together in a taut formation. 

''Erwin, I could easily pay for my own ticket.''

''I know, I know, but I wanted to gift you with something. You invited me, I might as well do something nice for you.'' When Levi didn't take the tickets immediately, Erwin waved them closer and poked his chest with one, the smaller man finally allowing his shoulders to drop before he plucked one of the tickets from the other man's grip. 

''You spent twice as much on tickets than you needed to do today.''

''But I did it for my friend.''

Levi read over the ticket before the blond began leading him to the doors, keys clipped onto his right belt loop, just beside his hip which jingled and gave Levi a direction as to where the other was at all times. Erwin opened the door and allowed the smaller man to enter first, stepping in after him with wind blowing onto their faces. 

Their tickets were ripped and handed back to them, both approaching the concessions for food and drink, the blond getting popcorn and a soda big enough for the two of them. When he made the suggestion that they share a drink, he pushed a second straw in through the hole and turned back to Levi with a bright smile, ready to go. The bucket of popcorn was placed in Levi's hands before they began to the designated screen, Erwin sipping on the drink with the straw that was positioned lower. 

Blondie got the lower, Levi got the higher straw. 

Seats were found at around the middle rows, it still quiet and empty and giving them a perfect position of the screen. They both sunk lower in their seats and looked up to the massive screen, Erwin already reaching over to scoop handfuls of popcorn out to eat. 

''What are we watching?" Levi asked, not entirely sure on what the blond had chosen for that morning's enjoyment.

''New action film. I heard it actually has a story plot.''

His hand dunked into the popcorn after the blonds, raising some popcorn to his mouth as his eyes fluttered over the white screen and the details beside it on the walls. 

''Shocking.'' he stated, then biting a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

The other's slight smile could be noticed in the corner of his eye, Levi glancing up to him and the shadowed structure of his face before turning his gaze to where a few more movie-goers entered, on the prowl for better seating. He watched them point and discuss what seats they wanted to sit in, both of them nearly praying that the over conversationalists chose seats far from them. The two decided to sit down by the front row when they couldn't make their minds up, Levi feeling a bit more relaxed as he shimmied down further in his chair. 

Lights on the walls and on the ceiling slowly began to dim, ads and commercials for local shops showing on the screen, the restaurant Levi worked at showing up as well before it dimmed further into trailers and forced them to focus on what was being said. Most trailers basically gave the entirety of the story without revealing the end, the two conversing and joking about it before the movie started, a high speed chase. 

It felt nothing more like every other action film, Levi allowing his head to tilt to Erwin a bit before something more came of the film and the process it was made with rather beautiful scenery and acting on the lead's part. He was invested the rest of the time, barely moving in his seat as he watched the film, hearing Erwin's chewing during quieter parts but it wasn't obnoxious or enough for him to say anything. It just made him happy to know that the other sat beside him and was seemingly just as invested as he was about this. 

The credits rolled and slowly the lights grew brighter, Levi pulling his eyes from the screen to the man beside him to see his most concentrated expression, the eyes that hadn't yet come back to reality, the slightly clenched jaw, the eyebrows that just barely pulled together. He inhaled suddenly, raising his head more and allowing his eyebrows to rest, jaw moving slightly before the blond looked back at Levi, lights now reaching their full power and he smiled at Levi. 

''Did I choose a film well?" he asked, eyes still distant but only focused on his face and his eyes. 

''Yeah,'' he praised him, his gaze dropping to the others lips before back up to his eyes before they found the strength to move and exit the cinema. Erwin used the restroom quickly, coming out and still drying his hands off with a brown and rough paper towel before he crumpled it up and tossed it into a black rubbish bin, taking the near empty bucket of popcorn from Levi.

The smaller man shook the soda a bit, it having ice but not much more of their drink left and he tossed that in after the paper towel. Erwin took one more mouthful of popcorn before letting the bucket fall in, looking up to Levi with a bright look. Levi fixed his hands into his jean pockets, Erwin placing his own into the pockets of their coat as they approached the door, both noticing employees putting up Christmas decorations, tinsel up on the walls in flowing motions with the occasional little ornament pulling it down further with a green hook. More decorations were placed upon the light poles, Christmas decal on windows in one store they passed, screen repair shop with Christmas deals. 

Both men had stepped out of Thanksgiving and apparently into the dead of winter and holiday celebration in a place that had never been touched by snow. Levi slowed in front of one store, a watch repair shop with a great old grandfather clock in the window. Erwin hadn't noticed the other had stopped before he had tried turning to him and informing him on something on his mind before realizing he was talking to the air, looking over his broad shoulder and noticing the man staring into the window. 

Erwin approached him, eyes raising from the other's face and following his trained gaze of sight to the grandfather clock in the corner of the shop, yellow label held by a single string which was tied around the crown of the clock. 

''Do you want to go in?" he asked him, turning his eyes back to him. Levi still had an odd look in his gaze, one which concentrated deeply on the wooden decor carved into the side of it. 

''No... It's closed today.'' Levi responded. A quick breath in signaled his redemption into reality, meeting each others' eyes. ''Hungry or are you too full of popcorn to eat anything more?"

He grinned. 

''I can always eat with you.''

They found themselves back in the diner, but ordering food to go if it was possible. Styrofoam boxes were placed in their hands with warm food within, Levi paying for both meals in return to Erwin's kindness in the previous hours of the day. He wasn't going to let the blond off so easily after that. They found themselves following the paved sidewalk towards a grassy knoll, just over it an incline into a field with a park just beyond it, large fence keeping tourists from falling over the edge of the cliff for their photos of the sea and the ocean

Erwin slipped some cash into Levi's back pocket when he wasn't noticing and they sat themselves on the bench beside the railing, watching the seagulls above and the clouds that were growing darker but did nothing but threaten them without action. They opened their meals and watched the waves, Erwin raising the burger to his mouth and taking a bite the same time Levi ate his own food. He'd asked for bacon on the burger this time and felt regret but pride flicker through at the same time as he bit into it. They sat peacefully on the bench together, eating and occasionally talking. 

''What was your favorite part of the film?" Levi asked him, eyes on his face and food raised to his mouth after he asked his question. 

He thought for a long moment before giving his response. 

''I don't think I can exactly answer that just yet,'' he said. ''I'd have to watch it more before being confident about my answer.''

Erwin turned his eyes to the smaller man, Levi giving a quick nod before re-directing his gaze to the water. His hair was kept close and the sides shaved to his skull, unlike Erwin's that had been grown out with time in his months back at home. In that he found himself relaxing more, eyes watching over the curve of Levi's skull and the slight incline on the left side more than on the right side. It was rude to stare, but he couldn't help it. The smaller man took another bite of his food before a droplet of water hit between them. Both eyes turned down to the bench before more began to distantly hit the bench, it then starting to drizzle before beginning to fully rain. 

The blond raised his face towards the sky, the smaller man doing the same and they simply let the droplets hit their face. He shut his eyes slowly, feeling the cold hit his face repeatedly and it drizzle down from his jaw to his neck and down his throat. It became more violent, the blond's hair becoming soaked before he stood, Levi having pulled his hood on and holding his food close to his chest. He had been watching Erwin's little episode in the rain before the blond was pulled up by the other and lead back to the car. 

Drenched, they dried as much as they could before getting in, the heating turned on and the ignition started. They sat hugging themselves for a short while, blue and steels eyes both watching the droplets hit the windshield and slowly slide down the glass towards the windshield wipers that hadn't yet been turned on. In separate cars, they looked to each other, shrouded by the droplets and steam on the window before the blonds phone chimed. 

**From Levi  
I didn't need the fucking cash**

Erwin just smiled. 

 --

Clouds began to disappear the next morning, leaving mud and harsh cold which kept him stuck in his own home. But he'd gotten a treadmill and a power rack put into the other half of the garage for a good reason. Music played loudly within the garage, echoing off the walls, totes of items and the car that sat inside. It wasn't loud enough to disturb the neighbors that morning and he kept the garage door closed, even with the unnattural dim light within. 

He deemed it too cold to allow the door open, muscles aching as he lifted his chin above the pull up bar one last time before dropping himself onto the floor and shrugging his shoulders out. Next he did push-ups, making sure his shoulders were pulled properly and his chest was in the proper place before lowering himself and pushing back up again. Sweat dropped to the floor as he continued, then hearing a knock on the metal garage door. The blond stopped and raised his eyes to it, leaning back on his heels before standing and turning his music off. He pressed the button on the wall and allowed the door to open, his neighbor standing there with his son. 

''Is my music too loud?" he asked them. The boy looked up to Erwin as a soldier and a man that served his country, very happy each time that he saw the blond and especially happy when he first saw him in his uniform. 

''No! Don't worry about it!" his neighbor said, placing their hands on their son's shoulders. ''He has an assignment for school and was wondering if he could ask you questions about your career in the military.''

Did they not notice he was busy?

''I'd love to help.'' his words lied for his mind. ''What do you want to know?"

He sat with him outside, talking about the military, how he came to join, the friends he made and why he did it. It lead on to his first tour, Erwin telling him small parts of what he was deployed to do and only giving vague answers. Most of the questions were answered before the boy spoke on his own behalf, not on the paper's.

''Have you killed people before?"

Erwin glanced to him, staring at him deeply and felt his jaw twitch momentarily before leaning closer. 

''I think we're done here.'' he told him in a low tone. Immediately the color in the boy's face left and he leaned back, the blond standing and heading back inside his garage, noticing that the parent had been watching the entire conversation. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

                                                                                                           **December 4th**

When was an appropriate time to buy Christmas gifts?

He was standing in the center of the mall with his hands in his coat pockets, having done his hair back and staring into windows with a lost expression, losing all boldness that he once had upon entering the mall. Mike and Nana were going to head to Washington to see Mike's parents before going to Illinois to see Nanaba's mother for the holiday that was coming up, Hange and Moblit were going to Moblit's aunt and uncle's before going to Hange's grandparents, and Levi still hadn't told him what he was doing for the holidays. 

Something in him made him doubt that Levi was going to go back to Illinois for Christmas, let alone leave his mother by herself for the holiday. Erwin would be spending it with his father, agreeing to breakfast for the holiday. 

If most of his friends were going to leave before the holiday could properly come around, he supposed he should get some presents for them before they left, Mike and Nana going on a week long trip while Moblit and Hange dealt with family for only five days. The next step was on getting them something they all liked, but he'd never given to them before. He wanted to get them something completely unpredictable, but the stores sold the same things as every year and he doubted that anything would be of use. He went over his conversations with his friends in his head, thinking over what they could have mentioned to him. Mike said something about growing a full beard, but wasn't physically able to grow anymore than the thin hairs above his lip and on his jaw, so beard oil was probably out of the question. 

Erwin scrunched his face in thought, standing in the center of the lotion and bodyworks store before deciding to look at the bottles of moisturizer, bars of soap, and bath bombs. He got some ointments and things, _guessing_ that it would be appreciated even if it was stupid gifting.  

He watched the little kids lining up with their parents to sit on Santa's lap, some excited, others asleep. As he passed, he watched one very carefully clambering up and nervously begin explaining what they'd like for Christmas before a photo was taken. Erwin watched the setting warmly with the bags in his hands. He brushed past a clothing store, stepping inside and having his eyes adjust to the sudden darkness, music playing from all corners of the store. At least they had Christmas decorations up. The blond walked through, looking at clothes for himself before finding something he decided Levi might like. He held it up closer to the light to look over it before grinning to himself, buying it alongside a few other shirts for himself and some jeans. 

Another bag to his collection before he got a soda from the vending machine and sat in one of the leather couches in the surrounding resting areas within the mass mall. He held it on the armrest, watching the oceans of people wave by at high speeds, the bodies becoming one mass blur that he couldn't differentiate from the last one, the blond lowering his eyes to his lap to gather his thoughts again. The voices and noises of children slowly shifted from one mass to being separate, easier for him to rest in the mall. He sipped his drink before standing with his bags, leaving the rest area and the mall altogether to head into the parking lot. 

Something in him fought for him to get to the bar again to meet with Mike, Erwin lowering his face into his hands and rubbing roughly at his head before sitting up and starting the car, simply leaving the mess behind.

Instead of going to the bar, he went over to Mike's and sat in the comfort of the others home with the boxer on his lap, keeping him pinned to the couch and unable to go anywhere else even if he wanted to. The blond rubbed behind the dog's ears, listening to Mike and where his feelings were at that point in time, about their situation and what was coming in the future.

''How much longer can we do this before we break, Erwin?" he asked him. 

The other looked down to the dog on his lap, softly scratching down her back and back up to her neck before sighing. 

''One last time.''

''You say that without knowing _why_ it'll be called our last time,'' Mike set his beer aside. ''How do you know we won't be fucking killed?"

''I don't know. I'm overly confident and live out of pure spite, Mike.'' he told the other in a harsh tone. The other rested back in the chair. ''That's how we've all lived this long.''

''I hope its one last time.''

''It will be.''

''You promise.''

''I have a feeling.''

It wasn't natural feeling, he felt unsure, scared, but at least knew it would be their last time.

\--

He took a next level yoga class, bent in even more awkward positions in uncertainty but loosening his muscles up. His eyes shut to listen to the background noises of the ocean before continuing with the instructors directions. This seemed like a job Nana could do. Or prison guard. Either one he could apply to her. After he rushed to Levi's dance room, the man luckily there but having to rush home to get dressed and showered for work. 

''No no,'' Erwin rushed with him out the doors and explained his plan. 

''Camping? Skiing? Playing in the snow?" Levi asked, stopped at the drivers door of his car. 

''We're all renting rooms near each other.'' Erwin said, angling his body towards Levi. ''Just for three days and then drive back home.''

Levi sighed. The drive to the foothills was around three to four hours long, and once reaching the snow meant chains which no beachside resident had. The blond was persistent for the other to go, but understood if he didn't want to. 

''Have you ever been up there?" he asked Levi.

''Once, during a summer vacation when I was twelve.''

''It's a winter wonderland!"

''It sounds fucking cold.''

''Think on it?" Erwin asked in a meek tone. The other unlocked the car and opened the door, giving a nod. 

''I'll think on it. But you have no idea how much convincing it takes for my managers to even listen to what I say, Erwin.'' Levi sat down and shut the door, the blond stepping back and giving a gentle wave as he watched the car reverse out of the parking space. 

Erwin and the others wanted to spend time with him, that's great, but he didn't know if he could take three consecutive days off and manage the drive all the way up to the mountains. Besides that, his car didn't have the proper traction and he already knew he didn't have the right clothes for snow, let alone any temperature under fifty. He worked through his shift and slipped into the office at the end of the nigh, knocking on the door softly but loud enough to get the attention of his manager.

''Oh, Levi,'' he said, organizing menus for the next day. ''What can I help you with?"

''I was going to ask for a few days off sometime soon.''

''Before Christmas? Do you celebrate Hanukkah?"

''No, neither of those,'' he said. ''I was invited someplace and it would take three days of my work hours to fill.''

His manager nodded. At least the employees were nicer than the diners at the restaurant. 

''Well, tell me what days when you come in tomorrow and I'll see if I can't squeeze you in somewhere.''

Levi thanked him before stepping back out, asking Erwin about what days it would take up before driving home and undressing, sleeping in nothing but his boxers beneath the sheets and comforter. His head ached a bit when he woke up, message returned with the dates, December twelfth to the fifteenth. They'd be leaving at nine in the morning, meeting at a certain pit stop at around ten to re-gather and re-fuel before heading on the road again. They'd be reaching the small city town at around eleven before continuing up into the foothills and reaching the hotel at twelve, hopefully. That was without any traffic delays or issues with vehicles or stomachs on the way there. 

He informed his manager when he got to work and was rewarded with three days off the next day, Levi making up for the time he'd be gone by doing as much as he could the days before the short vacation. 

Nanaba and Mike were to go snow-boarding, Hange wanted to direly go sledding and Erwin stated that he'd like to do a bit of hiking if given the chance to do so. Levi had no clue what he wanted to do but was sent images of the hotel that they'd be staying at. It was a massive looking place surrounded by pine trees and interlocking roads, mass parking lots and a huge pool outside and inside. At this time of year, there were only pictures of the Christmas decorations on their site, the tall tree reaching up to the ceiling with red ornaments hung on it with red ribbons, the fake pine tinsel on the archways leading inside and on most walls. There was even a winter wonderland set with sparkling and twinkling lights above the first entryway. 

Gift shops, heads of moose proudly placed on walls were also decorated with the same red ribbon, dining areas with mass fireplaces closed in by protective glass and metal barriers, napkins folded to perfection and placed upon the plates. 

It looked so perfect, Levi taking a second glance to the outside area before checking the bedrooms and accommodations. During the winter, it seemed snowed in and cold, but it supposedly had the best heating imaginable and great service. On the days leading up to the tenth, Levi organized his things for such a place, even swim trunks that he was planning on using at the indoor pool that was supposedly heated as well. When rifling around to find a suitcase or at least a bag to put his things in, he found his old military sack bag, simply turning that over without a second glance before finding a backpack he could put his stuff in. 

On the eleventh morning he folded and organized his items in a certain way, placing them all into his bag before making sure his hygiene things were set and organized for his evening and the next morning, the day of departure. He'd be going in the back with Hange and Moblit, being traded off at a certain stops to Mike and Nana's car before reaching the Tenaya Lodge up in the mountains. Erwin was apparently having car issues the last two days that he wanted to make sure were fixed before driving for such a distance, having to have a later start than everyone else. Bedrooms were organized and so were stay times by the loving and caring Nanaba and Moblit, Hange was organizing things that everyone could do while there that the hotel offered, and Levi was rather nervous about this trip. 

It'd been quite a while since he went such a distance, especially with friends like these. New friends, not ones he knew for a couple years. But apparently they all enjoyed his company enough to take him sledding, skiing, snowboarding up at this famous hotel. 

When he finished his shift that evening, he slowly removed the apron from around his middle and looked up at the trunk at the corner of his home, having collected a mass amount of dust on it in its months of untouch. Months... Truthfully it'd been around a year since he last properly cleaned it. He'd left a handprint on it when getting his uniform out, feeling as if the dust was digging into his palm in that moment before he draped his apron over the kitchen counter and got a glass of water. He realized it'd been a while since his last visit to his mother and thought to make it up to her tomorrow morning before he met with Hange and Moblit. 

Levi filled up his glass again before taking it to his bedroom, setting it on a magazine on the nightstand before rifling around for a new pair of boxers. He slipped into the bathroom and peeled his work clothes off of his body, taking a glance to himself and raising his hand to his hair. He was hesitant to do more before pushing his fingers through the short strands, staring at his motions with the sound of the water hitting the floor of the shower. There was no reason to keep it short any longer, he could grow it out if he so wanted to. As long as he wanted and have an undercut like he always thought of having. 

That drawing was somewhere.

He scrubbed his body until his skin was pink, washing his hair and his face before rinsing the soap off and drying himself. The pale blue boxers were pulled on and he flicked the light off behind himself, stepping out into the cold that filled the rest of his home. Well, he'd have to get used to the cold, at least for the next couple of days that would be spent up in the snow. The bag of clothing was dropped by the bedroom door, Levi slipping under the covers and turning the light off. It wasn't as difficult to fall asleep that night, his insomnia getting better but still there. 

It'd been easier since the military dinner. 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

The used Prius was pulled up in front of the Berner-Zoe household, Moblit waving with luggage in the other hand as he noticed Levi. The male stepped out, getting his things from the trunk and checking to make sure nothing valuable was left inside before he locked it, leaving his precious car behind for the next three days. 

''Hey, Levi,'' Moblit pushed his suitcase in the trunk of the Subaru beside a mass bag of snacks before turning and patting Levi on the shoulder. He was minimal to touching, unlike his counterpart and respective of the distance of space the raven-haired man put between himself and others. ''Easy drive?"

''Still early.'' he said. ''Even though I am ten minutes late to when I said I'd be here.''

Moblit shrugged it off nonchalantly, raising his eyes towards the house before setting his hands on his hips. 

''I give a certain time knowing that Hange won't be ready for another twenty after it, so don't worry.'' he smiled at Levi, the first that he'd ever seen from the other man. ''People arrive later and start apologizing and I explain to them the horrendous time keeping of Hange and we end up waiting twice the time that they took to get here.''

With that, the brunette came out from the house with their own bags, smiling when they saw Levi. They dropped their bags in the trunk and turned to him, giving him a side hug.

''I'm glad you're coming with us,'' they said, seating themselves up on the car. ''Are you ready for three days of adventure and fun?!"

''I guess.'' he responded. ''I agreed to it.''

Hange grinned before Moblit pushed them back and shut the trunk. 

''Okay lets go,'' he said, walking past Levi. Levi watched him brush past his shoulder before turning his eyes back quickly to the trunk, Hange unlatching it from the inside while laughing before rolling out and shutting the trunk behind themselves. 

He situated himself in the back seat, away from the burning sun and able to see the road better. His bag was in the footwell, inbetween his legs with his eyes on the road. They pulled onto the freeway, Levi watching them leave the ocean behind into the thick hills of green trees and grass. The road wound up and around, the male feeling a bit anxious about what he had gotten himself into. Erwin had convinced him that it would be fine and that if he really didn't feel good about it he'd always be up to driving Levi back home if it came to it. 

''Where are you two from?" he asked them. He knew more about Mike and Nanaba than he did Hange and Moblit, guilt seeping from that discovery but he didn't allow it to get to him. 

''Florida.'' Hange said, Moblit checking his mirrors before taking a turn onto a different road. ''We met each other in the military and found out we were from the same hometown.''

''What brought you here?" he asked.

''Less humidity.'' Moblit responded. 

He nodded, leaning over so he could listen to what they said better, Hange turning in their seat with a pack of peanuts in their hand. 

''Are you two...'' he didn't know how to say it properly. 

''Just like Mike and Nana.'' Hange responded. 

''Well not _just like_ Mike and Nana,'' Moblit corrected. 

''Different backstory but we're together.''

Levi nodded again before leaning back in his seat. 

''I was just unsure.''

''Two peas in a pod!"

Moblit was shaking his head, Hange feeding him a peanut. They arrived to the pit stop, Mike leaning against his Jeep while Nanaba arrived back with food for them both. They both motioned to the car as Moblit pulled it in beside them for gas, Levi stepping out to stretch his legs. Hange stretched their arms high above their head, Nanaba coming in for a hug before Hange pulled Mike down for one as well. Moblit got hugs as well before starting to fill the tank up with gas. Levi felt that he stood awkwardly beside the car, this the time where he switched over to Mike and Nana's Jeep for the rest of the journey. 

''Any news from Erwin?" someone asked. 

There were some shrugs and shaking heads before the Lexus with the shining blond pulled in, the driver smiling before raising himself up in his seat to make sure he didn't hit anything on his way in. He stepped out, shutting the door behind himself and being greeted by the group before he waved to Levi. The blond began pumping gas into his car, Levi squishing through to the blond and standing behind him. Erwin looked over his shoulder, craning all the way back before he could fully see him, smiling. 

''How was the drive with Hange and Moblit?" he asked, turning his eyes back to watch the price. 

''Good.'' Levi responded, peering over the blond's shoulder at what he was doing and seeing the heirloom watch on his wrist. ''Moblit locked Hange in the trunk.''

Erwin raised his eyebrows, shutting the gas tank and depositing the hose back in its place before turning to Levi. 

''Are you going to go in Mike and Nana's car?"

''Yeah. How much further from here?"

''I think an hour or so?" Erwin stated, uncertain. ''Well sometime within the next few hours at least. Haven't been up there in years but its beautiful.''

''Neither have I.'' Levi said. ''What are the living plans?"

''The couples share rooms and then we have our own separate ones,'' Erwin said. ''Get there and relax today, second day everyone does what they want, we can be an organized mess and then by the fifteenth we head back home.''

He hooked his fingers around the straps of his bag, watching as Mike hooked his arms around Nanaba's waist and kissed her temple softly. 

The ride with the other couple was fun, rock music playing obnoxiously but he couldn't complain about the noise level. They got drive-thru food and kept going, his ears strained by the elevation when they began driving through packed forest roads that winded painfully around. He peered further out the window at the steep cliff face below them, seeing how far it went down into more jagged rocks before green pines suddenly blurred his vision. Levi pulled his head back, looking instead to the winding roads in front of them. 

A large wooden sign with carved letters directed them to the Tenaya Lodge parking area, the other two stepping out of the car quickly and opening the trunk. Levi stepped out after them, pulling his bag over his shoulder and staring up at the vastness of the hotel, stepping into a pile of snow. 

It was quite firm, cold then wrapping itself around him due to his bare arms which he covered with a longer shirt from the depths of his bag. When he breathed out, he could see the breath mist before disappearing, Levi looking to the treeline spread around them and the larger piles of snow everywhere. He noticed the Lexus coming in after the Subaru not long after before turning his attention back to the scenery. The parking lot was packed, but it was mostly silent, the sounds of birds being heard and the crunching of shoes in snow from the other vacationers he arrived with. Levi took a breath in of the pine air, eyes closing momentarily as his head lowered, the male staring off into the snow.

He picked his bags up from his trunk before shutting the door with his elbow, the blond peering over the top of his car at his friends that were starting to gather. Levi was more distant, watching the trees with a bewildered, childlike look and starting to develop a very small smile on his face the more he looked around. Erwin carried his bags over, having pulled his jacket on at the gas station before the foothills and came up to the smaller man. Nanaba motioned to him and he waved to her before turning his eyes to Levi, waiting to see how long it took for him to notice that Erwin was standing right beside him. 

Levi had on a long sleeve shirt over his tee that obviously protruded a bit from underneath, wonder in his eyes as he continued looking forth at things, eyes flicking to birds that flew from the trees. His cheeks were dusted with pink from the cold, his nose becoming a light pink before steel eyes raised to blue. He suddenly realized what he had been doing and his shoulders straightened, muscles pulling together. Erwin smiled at him, pushing him lightly with his elbow before they re-grouped and entered the large hotel with everyone else. Moblit and Mike were the ones checking in to the front lobby, Erwin's full attention taken in by the Christmas decorations and the massive tree in the center of the lobby alongside brown leather couches and the theme of a decorated cabin seven sizes too big. 

''We don't have two more rooms booked, sir,'' he heard, eyes flicking over to watch Mike lean against the counter carefully and glance to the computer screen lightly. He wore the combat jacket owned by Erwin that he said he'd borrow for one night, white shirt that pulled at his waist underneath. 

''My friend and I paid for four rooms,'' Moblit explained calmly. ''Two with one beds, another two with one.''

The employee typed some things down again before another came up to the counter. 

''We've re-organized it and can get you another room with two beds if that's alright with you sir.''

''It's great, thanks.'' he was exhausted from the drive but didn't let it get through him. The group all piled into one elevator, Mike pressed into the middle by everyone with his bags, Levi beside him and Erwin up against the back wall. The other three were organized inside and purposely kept the biggest man trapped in the center, laughing and poking his sides. Levi reached past and pressed their floor, the doors opening and causing Mike to fall out. More laughter came from everyone before they tiredly trudged to their rooms, Erwin rooming with Levi.

''Where are we going?" someone asked. Directions and keys were given around, Levi in charge of the double bed room key and Moblit in charge of another. Mike and Nanaba's amused argument echoed down the hall from them as everyone split off into separate directions to find their rooms. 

Erwin and Levi read out numbers of doors together to find theirs, marching down before the blond plucked the key from the other and jogged up to the door, sliding it through the lock and opening it up. He dropped his bags at the foot of the bed and handed the key back to Levi, laying down on the bed closest to the door. His hands scrubbed at his face, falling to the sides and off the edges of the bed before he raised his eyes to search for where Levi had gone. He was at the window, still holding his bag in his hands and watching the scenery from there, mouth partially hanging open. He rolled his head over to watch him further, how his nose was going back to its usual color and how he held himself. Steel eyes dotting all around, evidently watching something down in the parking lot before he shifted and sat on the windowsill to watch more. His eyes lifted to the sky, staring at the vast blueness with a few white fluffy clouds above, that wonder having taken over his face again. 

There was a completely different man under there and Erwin wanted to see him more. 

Levi must have realized how long he had started to stare out the window, turning his head back to the rest of the room and glancing around it before his eyes landed on the blond and stayed for a particular amount of time. 

''I'm hungry.'' he said.

''There's several restaurants downstairs,'' Erwin answered. ''Pizzeria, deli...''

''Want to share a pizza.''

''I'm sorry, but I've got no energy to do anything right now.''

Levi shrugged, standing up and removing the long sleeve from his body which incidentally also lifted the tee shirt beneath to reveal a well muscled stomach and some noticeable indents to his skin before he dropped the long sleeve on the bed. 

''Want anything?" he asked him. Levi looked to have disappointment in his eyes, Erwin then having a rush of energy to do anything with the other man. He sat up and untucked his shirt, standing from the bed. 

''Lets get pizza.''

They were seated at a two person table, reading the menu's they'd been handed as one. 

''Quatro Formaggio.'' Erwin said, rolling the r's as best to his ability and glancing up to Levi who was grinning from behind his menu. 

''Thats too much cheese.''

''Just four kinds all dumped on, nothing bad,' Erwin said. 

''Spicy Hawaiian?" 

''The special and we meet in the middle.''

Levi set the menu down, Erwin following his motions. 

''Alright, I can meet in the middle with you.''

He went back to his wondrous gazing from the windows at the new scenery he was given, trees dusted with snow, sparkling in the light, dark green pine against it and the light blue from the skies. It was warm and wonderful inside, the smell of pizza cooking, the sizzling food going right past their table alongside the wonderful gaze of the other man. He loved where he was in that moment, pleased and even excited for what was to come the next few days. 

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

The pizza was placed in front of them, both peering at it and afraid to touch it before Levi carefully took a piece and pulled it from the rest, cheese frantically trying to hold together before it snapped and allowed him to eat his food. With a very careful motion, he bit into it, supporting the bottom of it. Erwin watched as his face melted alongside the cheese, wiping his mouth quickly of the grease. He smiled and took his own slice, understanding the other's reaction when he bit into it. 

A piece of pepperoni seemed to melt in his mouth alongside some green onion, cheese creamy and ham adding on a bit. He took another, larger bite and ate that just as slow, the two savoring their slices and laughing softly. Each bite was as good as the last, Erwin exhausted and happy to have some warm food in his stomach. He sipped his glass of water and watched as Levi took another appreciative bite of his pizza, looking up to the blond. They managed to finish it all, Erwin leaning back in his chair with his hand on his stomach and Levi with his head hanging. They definitely didn't regret their decision to eat it all, but weren't exactly proud of themselves. 

The two bloated men made it back to their hotel room and Erwin decided to take a walk around the hotel, see what else was there. His jacket was draped over his arm and he exited the room, wanting to go down to the front lobby first. A massive fireplace was within, large couches spread around the waiting room with soft tables, two separate gift shops beside it. Erwin walked to the gift shops, finding snow globes, calenders, teddy bears with the logo on little shirts, mugs, sweatshirts, more stuffed animals, and some hats alongside it. The snow globes all had the hotel model inside, only one left having just the mountains and snow around it. He carefully picked it up, shaking it a bit and watching the ''snow'' fall around the model inside. 

He came back with a small bag in his hands, Levi propped up on his bed reading a book. Erwin set the bag down beside the bed, up closer by the headboard before sitting down and removing his shoes. 

''What are your plans for tomorrow, Levi?" Erwin asked, untying the laces. 

''Everyone's doing different things tomorrow, I don't know.''

''Well,'' he placed his shoes on the floor in a collected manner, turning to look at Levi. ''We could sled with Hange and Moblit at the beginning of the day, and then hike. Or we could go with those two and go with everyone to the ski resort.''

''Sounds busy.''

''It's the wintertime,'' he said and smiled. ''It's going to be busy anywhere we go.''

The other lowered his book into his lap and raised his steel eyes to the other man. 

''I don't think I have proper ski or snowboarding gear with me.''

''We'll rent some.''

The blond found himself alone at the indoor pool that evening, sitting on the steps leading into the water in his trunks and running his nails over the scar on his side like it itched. Self-consciousness followed him whenever he removed his shirt, revealing what looked like a gaping, pink hole on his side. It'd healed from red to light red, following into pink but hadn't exactly reached the stage of pale white yet, which he hoped would blend into his skin more. What he was looking for was a fucking miracle in his wishes for it to blend to his skin tone.

The water reflected onto the ceiling and the ground outside, shining into his face in the peace and quiet that was the indoor pool. He stepped from the water and instead walked around the side of it towards the deep end at the edge, looking down into the water and to the depth below. His eyes scanned the edges of the pool and to each entrance surrounding, up to the upstairs balcony before hopping in, feeling his body sink to the floor before he pushed himself down further and let his feet touch the bottom. He opened his eyes carefully, peering around in the water and raising his head to the water that wavered above him, the blond streaks of hair reaching towards the surface before the blond pushed lightly off the ground to head to the surface to breathe. 

He resurfaced, taking in a gasp of air and flinging his hair to the side, looking up as he heard soft footsteps on the pink linoleum. Blue eyes flicked around and saw Levi with a towel over his arm, pulled to his chest quickly as he noticed the blond was there. He wore white trunks that reached just above his knee, such like Erwins before he smiled at the smaller man. 

''Hi, Levi.''

''Sorry, I didn't know that this is where you'd disappeared to.''

''Hm, don't worry.'' he said, wading in the center of the deep end and flicking his head back to get his hair out of his eyes, wanting mainly the drizzle of water seeping from it to stop flowing into face. ''I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

The other shook his head. 

''I just assumed the towel on the chair was one left behind. Didn't know you were in the water.''

Erwin watched the other go around the side of the pool and drop his towel down beside his own, a muscled back showing itself and a long scar on the other's shoulder. He lowered himself in the water to just his nose sticking out, eyes watching Levi stroll back down the side of the pool and set his hand on the rail.

''It's heated.'' Erwin told him, dunking his mouth back under. The other glanced up before stepping in, following the steps down and making sure his arms stayed lifted just above the surface before swimming forth and relaxing in the water. The warmth held the muscles, the movement helped more. He watched him continue his relaxing before swimming to the edge, hoisting himself up. Water trickled over sharp angles and well rounded hips, the smaller man pulling himself up with strong arms before he walked to the deeper end and dove in. 

His back angled perfectly, hands coming together before he disappeared under the surface. It was such a quiet dive, too, the blond wondering if Levi had any special practice in his past. He swam up to the blond and resurfaced, eyes opening to glance to him before he drifted to the other side of the pool, fingers hooking on the edge. Erwin's head followed him the entire time, both keeping eye contact before the blond swam closer and came up to the edge too. 

They both hooked their arms over the side of the pool, looking up to the massive windows that showed the outside pool. Snow sat on the banks just on the other side of the parking lot, cleaned away enough to where cars could get in easily and find spots. 

Levi's elbow just barely touched the others' the two staring out the window before Erwin began to quietly speak.

''How long has it been since you were last here?" he asked.

''More than a decade.'' he responded as equally quietly.

''Do you like it here?"

''I love it here.''

''What about now? On this vacation with everyone?"

He turned his head to the blond, finding him holding himself up strong and watching him for the past several minutes. 

''You're asking quite a lot of questions,'' he said, the blond shifting one arm away and allowing it to float in the water, the other keeping him beside Levi. ''Is something wrong?"

He couldn't help but allow his eyes to move to the broad chest that he took every chance to stare at from beneath clothing, it now revealed fully to him. Erwin did take a _great_ deal of care into how he looked, it starting with his muscles. Besides the obvious parts of his face, the strength within his eyes and the structure of the bones, his strength continued on into the rest of his body. The broad and muscled chest, curving down into the washboard abs and the well cut line leading to an unseen region. His shoulders and arms were strong, everything complimenting the rest of him. He could just barely see the beginning of a massive scar on the others side, but didn't allow his eyes to rest on it for too long. 

Instead he trailed his eyes up the muscles and the other's neck, reaching his lips and staring at those an extra moment before meeting his blue eyes. 

''Just curious,'' he responded. They were both now staring at each other immensely, definitely something more under that layer that the blond showed. He brought his lips between his teeth momentarily.

''I'm fine so far.'' 

He felt tension rising in his back and his chest as the staring contest continued, the smaller man first to break away and glance towards the other side of the pool. The other's eyes were too intense. He pushed off the wall and glided away on his back, resting in the water and hearing the others movements under the surface before he opened his eyes. The blond waded past, pushing Levi's shoulder softly to get him to spin lightly in the water. He reached over and smacked the other's hand, hearing Erwin chuckle but muffled. The other kept toying with him, poking his side, poking his stomach. He made a show of swimming around him before Levi stood upright and splashed him for his annoyance. Erwin raised his arms to cover his face before the smaller man began swimming away, the other faster and wrapping his arms around his waist to bring him back. 

Levi grinned, acting that he was uncomfortable with the situation and pushed at the other. The blond pulled him into deeper water, Levi pulling to get away as much as he could, splashing and fighting. He looked to Erwin and they both held their breath, smiles on their faces. 

At some point he blinked and turned his head away, pushing off of Erwin one last time and wading away, reaching the stairs of the pool. 

He waited a while after Erwin got back to the hotel room, allowing him time to shower and clean off before he followed the trek back. With the towel around his neck, he unlocked the door, finding the lights off and the blond apparently in bed. He snuck his way to the bathroom and turned on the lights within only after shutting the door, turning the water on and hanging his damp towel over the side of the tub. The other he used was hung up to dry before he changed into his pajamas and quietly moved around in the darkness. He pulled up the blankets on his bed, slipping under the covers and wriggling a small amount before facing the window on the other side. 

Soft breathing came from the other man, the only noticable thing to show there was another person in the room. He rolled over enough to look at him, only seeing his shoulders that were illuminated before the rest of him slipped under the blankets. His mop of blond hair was spread across the pillowcase, shining in the light.

Levi rolled back over to face the window again, pleased that the other was resting and was comfortable in his bed before he shut his eyes. He listened to the background of the other and very slowly lulled to sleep sometime in the late am.

His eyes pulled open and found himself staring at the ceiling, rolling his eyes to the window and finding bright blue skies. Muscles ached a bit when he began to move, sitting up and sliding his legs out from under the covers. He ran his hands down his face, still feeling callouses on them before looking over his shoulder and finding Erwin asleep with his blankets a mess around him. In the other's sleepy haze, he grabbed them and pulled them back up over his chest.

''Good morning, Erwin.'' he said gently.

The other opened his eyes, sparkling blue opening to a new day before Levi stood from his bed and pulled the blankets aside. As the other struggled to wake up, he pulled his jeans on and socks, changing out into a longer shirt. He turned to face the other and found him sitting up, hair a mess, blanket wrapped around his chest and his eyes struggling to open properly. The blond was definitely grumpy about having to wake up. 

''What time is it?" he mumbled, raising his hand to his face and rubbing his eye. 

''Nine.''

''Shit...'' he whispered,  rolling his back and cracking it in several places. The blanket slid off his chest and fell to around his waist. ''Mike wanted us all to meet for breakfast at nine ten.''

''Then you'd better get fucking dressed.''

Erwin rolled over and checked the time on his watch, discovering that Levi hadn't been lying before swinging his legs out from under the covers and standing. The smaller man watched over his shoulder by the door, eyes falling down around the curve of the other's chest, his stomach muscles and soaking in the image of the other's thighs when he wasn't looking before he turned back to the door and rubbed his own eyes.

''Hey Levi,''

''Hm?"

''You can head downstairs without me. I'll be a few minutes and he might be early.''

Levi left the other with the key back into the room, following the route to the elevator and to the dining area. He found Hange and Nana with coffee, Mike approaching their table and squashing the smaller woman into the side of it. Levi was waved over, pulling a chair up to the edge of the table and sitting down on that instead. 

''Where's Erwin?" Nanaba asked.

''Just woke up.''

A cup was offered to him and he kindly declined it, Moblit approaching the table and sidling in beside Hange, resting his head on their shoulder. They were all still tired from the trip the day before, Hange holding a straw up to Moblit's mouth and getting him to tiredly sip some coffee. 

Erwin finally arrived and helped Mike in squashing Nanaba even further into the booth, kindly taking the lost cup of coffee and sipping it before the question was asked. 

''What are we doing today?"

''I don't think the weather's suitable enough for hiking.'' Mike said, taking a look to Erwin as he raised his cup to his mouth.

''Skiing and sledding are definitely good ideas,'' Moblit responded. ''But we don't know when what will be more busy.''

''I think we should do skiing during the mid-day.'' Erwin continued. 

''And sledding after?" Nanaba asked. 

''Well yeah,'' 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

The conversation continued between those four, Hange at some point getting out of the booth to go to the buffet for breakfast, tapping Levi's shoulder and motioning for him to go too. He looked up before deciding that the argument sprouting between everyone could stay between those four, following Hange to the buffet table.

''Excited about today?" they asked, handing a yellow plate over to him.

''I'll be excited when they finally make up their fucking minds.''

The other laughed softly, getting enough food for two on their plate before Levi began collecting his own amount.

''I'm happy that you're here with us,'' they said. ''You know, Erwin hasn't really gotten out of this one friendship circle in years so you're doing something to help him.''

Levi looked up.

''You're welcome...'' he said in return. 

''If I'm honest, you're helping everyone here, so you know, I really appreciate it.''

He turned to them fully, coming closer to their side as they piled some pancakes on. 

''Is something happening that I don't know about?''

They shook their head, looking to him and listening to his hushed tone of voice. The conversation ended there and they went back to the table, Hange setting the plate of food between them and Moblit, Levi seating himself and pulling his chair closer. The other four that stayed were silent between each other, either having come to a decision or argued themselves silent. 

Levi cut a bite out of his pancake and his sausage, getting them both on the fork before raising it to his mouth. 

''Have we come to a decision?" he asked, plopping the food in his mouth. 

Erwin turned his eyes to him and nodded.

''Skiing and snowboarding first, then sledding if we have the energy.''

He nodded.

''Good.''

It was quiet between them before Erwin slipped out of the booth with the other two to get food, leaving Levi with Hange and Moblit. They were arguing over what sort of syrup they wanted on their pancakes, the third member of the party watching as he raised a scoopful of egg to his mouth. Finally they decided on both and dug in, Levi looking down at his plate.

''Do you have more relatives?" Hange asked. 

He shrugged his shoulders. 

''I wouldn't know.''

''Do you know how to snowboard?" it was Moblit this time.

''I have some vague memory on skiing and snowboarding.''

''That's great. We'll rent one of them for you.''

''He'll need childs size,'' Hange remarked. He looked up and gave a middle finger salute before lifting the cup of tea he'd gotten to his mouth. His eyes moved to the individuals coming back to the table, Erwin sitting on the outside again while Mike was squashed against the wall instead. 

Throughout the meal, complaints were made about elbow room, some spit takes were done, and Levi stole some food from the blonds plate before they went on their way back up to the hotel rooms and got ready for the day. It was just the sound of them pulling on snow gear in the room together, silence screaming within that. 

A sigh was taken by the bigger man, Levi raising his eyes to him to see him pulling his gloves off and depositing them in the pockets of his coat. 

''Are you ready?" Erwin asked.

He gave a nod in return. 

They took up space in the back of the Jeep, it better equipped for this sort of weather. Moblit and Hange were taking their car to get to the ski resort, it not a long distance but still a treacherous one, especially with the tour buses on the icy roads. 

He rented a snowboard, it taking a quite a while while the others strapped themselves to their already owned boards and ski's. Levi trudged through the snow back to his group, beanie pulled on his head with goggles by someone. Mike brushed past, setting a snowboard in the snow and sitting down to clip his boots in. 

Nanaba had a board, Moblit did too while Hange had ski's alongside Erwin. He sat beside Mike and got his boots clipped in with instructions he needed refreshing on from Nanaba. He nodded and had help clipping in before he was pulled to stand. Levi angled himself and pulled his gloves on, looking around the hill. There were many others on the hill, a class starting for little kids and a family going down the hill together. Erwin angled himself and pushed forwards, going ahead of everyone before Mike hopped his way forth and followed after him. Nanaba was next, Moblit following and Hange smacking Levi's back before they went down as well. He scooted forward and leaned forth, sliding down and after everyone else. 

They swerved around each other and raced each other, nearly having a few accidents and Mike picked up Hange as he passed them. Nanaba held Moblit's hand when she noticed he was having trouble balancing. 

''Do we need to go back up the hill and get you into that class?" she asked. He pushed her away with a smile and forced himself to go faster. Erwin finished his race with Mike, slowing for Levi to catch up before they went down together, watching the others speed down.

''I missed this.'' Erwin said. 

He looked over at him correcting his foot placement.

''Missed what?"

''Everyone being carefree.'' he told him. Levi looked back up to watch them laughing their way down the incline. "All of us, really. You coming in had something to do with it.''

''Oh don't make me **blush**.'' Levi joked. 

''Honestly.'' Erwin said, stopping suddenly and putting his arm out to get Levi to stop as well. His cheeks were turning red from the cold as he spoke. ''We're lucky to have you. _**I'm**_ lucky to have you.''

Levi stared from under the reflective glare of the sports goggles, his mouth hanging open and allowing misted breath to travel out before he shut it tightly, turning his head down to the arm that kept him in place.

''Thanks.'' he said. ''For allowing me in to this mess too.''

He didn't know where this burst came from. Maybe it arose from their little contest the night before, or the way that Levi regularly checked on him during the night by turning over made him feel more loved. It could have been the way the smaller man thought Erwin wasn't paying enough attention to see him staring, or from their breakfast that morning where he could see his friend really interact with others. 

What he did know was that this had been growing for the past month, the first wave coming on Halloween night. But he didn't say anything more, simply retracted his arm and allowed them to continue sliding down the hill. They were quiet, listening to the sounds of the _other_ vacationers, and eventually reached the bottom of the hill where the others waited. Everyone went for the more difficult ones, Nanaba and Mike testing their abilities on the expert hill and Levi suffered a twisted ankle. 

It wasn't too bad, but it was enough to where Erwin began hounding him and ventured with him back to the car. It was only then did they both realize that they'd all spent hours there, the other four coming back later.

''Is it bad?" Mike asked as he approached. Erwin got a snowball and placed it on Levi's ankle.

''No,'' Levi responded. ''He's just being fucking dramatic.''

He lifted his eyes to Levi and instead tossed the snowball to the side, hearing it hit something followed by an ''ow'' from Hange. He stood and then broke eye contact with the smaller man, allowing him to pull up his sock and pull his boot back on. 

Hange was wiping snow from their hair before crossing their arms. 

''We're going sledding now, right?" they asked. 

''Yes Hange,'' Moblit sang.

Sleds were thrown out of the trunk and into the snow, Moblit making desperate attempts and catching them and having to run after them before they slid down the hill and away from them. Cars were lined along the road, just off so the road was still usable beside a smooth part of snow, a sledding road carved out down the incline. If one was just so brave, they could take it down, but would have to suffer the walk back up.

''Did you sleep alright last night?" Mike asked him, helping get sleds out of the trunk of the Subaru.

''No,'' he said truthfully. Erwin tossed a few more sleds in the other's vague direction. ''Levi kept checking on me throughout the night to see if I was okay but he couldn't see much.''

He rubbed his hands together before keeping them warm beneath his arms, watching the others begin playing in the snow and a snowball fight starting between them. Mike stood beside him, their noses both becoming red while the bigger man pulled his scarf up over the lower half of his face. 

''You said you were doing yoga?" Mike asked. 

''Helps me relax, pulls the tension out.'' Erwin responded, both with crossed arms watching the others. He turned his eyes to Levi who held a purple sled, pointing to something and explaining to the others before the other three looked over in his direction. Nanaba pointed with him and said something before cracking a smile and causing Moblit to laugh, Levi shoving her shoulder lightly and directing her towards the steep hill. Hange jogged with their sled, Nanaba sitting down carefully behind them, pressing her chest against Hange's back. They began thrusting to get it going, laughing and smiling before looking in Mike's direction, Moblit finally shoving them down the hill and following on his stomach. 

Levi stayed back, still simply grasping to the sled in his hands, raising his hand to his head to correct how his beanie sat before he trudged forth, almost like a little kid and followed the other four down. 

''I guess we're supposed to go too.'' Erwin said. 

''Do you think I'd be good at yoga?"

''You'd be great at yoga, Mike.'' 

He pushed a sled into the other's chest, Mike wrapping his fingers around the handle before Erwin tossed his into the snow and slid forth while standing. They tried the incline as well, Erwin going off the trail several times before cheating and going past the trees to reach the others. More hours were spent out in the snow before they re-grouped back at the hotel, the blond removing his shirt before pulling a sweater on over his chest, pulling at the corners to adjust it. 

Levi appeared behind him, a simple brush of air on his back signaling that the other was in the room and shifting into the bathroom. He glanced over his shoulder, muscles exhausted before he stretched and yawned. The blond moved towards the window, peering down into the parking lot below before raising his eyes to the tree line dusted with white pearly snow. He stared forth at it and the contrasting dark green of the pine before lowering his eyes to movement in the snow, finding a deer trudging through it. At the sound of a car horn by two opposing vehicles in the parking lot it darted off, back into the trees and causing a billow of snow to come down off a branch. 

The door of the bathroom swung open, Erwin turning to look over to see the other flicking off the lights and raising his eyes to him. It was extremely silent in the room, Erwin watching as the other lowered his eyes and picked the key up off the bed where the blond had thrown it over in his haste to get in through the door. Levi's hair was starting to look a little longer. 

''Lunch?" Levi asked him. 

Erwin followed him out of the hotel room with his wallet, shutting the door behind himself and hearing it click shut followed by it locking before heading down the hall with him. It was still silent, their feet hitting the floor in a marching repetition before they reached the elevator and pressed the button for their floor. It dinged once it arrived and they stepped inside, Erwin pressing for the ground floor before it jolted and took them down two floors. 

''Are you okay today?" Erwin asked him. 

''I'm not the one I think should be worried about.'' Levi responded. ''You're all getting mushy and poetic and I'm not allowed to know why.''

He bit his tongue before Levi pressed for the elevator to halt. His eyes flicked to the other's motion before his gaze turned towards the other. Levi stood with his arms crossed, jaw set and eyes on him, hard. The other wanted answers that Erwin wouldn't exactly be able to answer. Levi pulled one hand out from under his other arm and held it open, expecting an answer to be placed in the palm of his hand. 

Blue eyes turned instead to the black camera situated in the corner of the elevator, then next towards the shut door and the red button. 

''I haven't shown my appreciation for another person in quite a while, and I thought you deserved it.''

''Bull.''

Erwin's eyelids fluttered in slight annoyance before he laughed in a forced, breathy way, smiling down at his feet and pressing his shoulder against the wall of the elevator, fingers running over the bar situated on the side before he spoke again.

''That part is true, I promise you.'' he said. ''You're a good person that I'm pleased I've met. You may not know it but you actually have a great effect on the people around you, either making them happy, raising their spirits, or overall being funny.''

He looked back to the smaller man that was staring at him with the same expression, _slowly_ turning into disbelief before he reached over and pressed the button in return. The elevator started again, lowering them down onto the bottom floor before the doors opened, employees rushing towards them as they stepped out. 

''Did the elevator stop?" they asked. 

''Only momentarily.'' Erwin responded. ''We're fine, I don't think its anything to worry about.''

Levi followed him through the lobby but when he checked again, the smaller man had vanished. He halted in the center of the hall leading towards the restaurants and the kitchen, others flowing past to go and eat. Erwin couldn't find him within the crowd and hurried on to meet the others for their meal.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I kept worrying 'bout this story but realized its a fanfiction and the world won't end if people don't like it or if it isn't perfect.

Levi didn't appear again until that late afternoon, having instead borrowed the keys to the Jeep apparently to go to the town before the forest line to look around and eat. Under his arm was a bag from a store, one that Erwin was not allowed to look within before it was placed beside the nightstand and the other left the room again, possibly to eat or to get something to drink. 

Erwin had been sitting on the bed, book in his hands and feet hanging off the side with his back pressed against the headboard while he watched the other silently move around the room and exit again. His eyes turned towards the bag on the nightstand before he slipped his bookmark into his book and stood from the bed. Snow boots were pulled on and so was his jacket as he picked his scarf up, exiting the hotel room. It wasn't to follow Levi, but instead to get some fresh air out in the cold. 

The sun was beginning to set as he stepped outside into the little courtyard in the center of the hotel, doused with snow and benches wiped of in certain areas where others had wished to sit. Shoeprints and bootprints were spread around in the snow of varying sizes, the pathway cleared and doused with salt for traction. The blond walked on, through the archway and out into the parking lot where cars had received a plenty sizing of snow on their ceilings if not moved in the past few days. The lampposts gave a yellow twinge to the rest of the parking lot, blond stopping to listen to the silence. On this side of the hotel, nothing was in motion. The outside bar and grill was covered and closed for the weather and the snow, all hotel rooms on the other side. The pool he could see was not more than a few yards from him, covered as well, snow on the black railings. A road wound through around the hotel for maintenance vehicles to get through and he could see a white shed just upon but that was all. It was completely silent and all his own. 

He pushed his hands into his coat pockets and raised his eyes to the sky, dark with illumination coming from the lamp post above him. Snow sat around him, paving the road towards the silent parking lot, trees looming above him. He looked towards the clouds that had begun to threaten a few hours before hand. Silence screamed at him but he simply allowed it in, shutting his eyes to the sound of it all before trickling could be heard. His eyes opened again to find snow beginning to fall around him, confusion flickering through before he raised his face to the sky instead. He watched the flakes fall towards him slowly, dropping onto his cheeks and his forehead before noticing another figure near him. 

The other figured belonged to Levi, staring up at the sky just like him but instead with his bare hand out to catch a flake or two. Their eyes followed a flake that fell and twirled into his palm, beginning to melt slowly before Levi looked back up again, directly to the blond. For a split second, he smiled up at him. 

''I missed snow.'' he told him, looking back down into his palm towards the snowflake. 

Erwin wandered over to join the other standing beside him and sticking his tongue out to catch one on his tongue. The cold hit it and he retracted his tongue when he felt a flick of ice on his tongue, smiling and peering up at the sky in happiness. 

''I did too.'' Erwin responded. They simply stared at the sky together for a long moment, both equally appreciating the silence between them. He breathed in very slowly, eyes closing at the same speed as he took in the air and the feeling of the silence. They opened again, turning to Erwin and looking up at him with so much more meaning that he had intended. 

Life and setting around them phased out momentarily, leaving the snow to fall blisterly around them and the cold to be substituted with warmth, sprouting from the chest and echoing to their heads and their feet. It couldn't be explained further than that, draining off into silent stares once more before Levi looked away, back up to the snowflakes that feel, not noticing the white specks that dotted his dark eyelashes and his dark clothes. The other's head slowly tilted, just partially as a kind, small smile spread across his face. He turned his eyes to the sky alongside Levi and allowed himself to fall deeper into the sight of the snow that fell lightly upon the road. 

\--

Levi was laying comfortably on the bed when Erwin woke the next morning, raising his head to look over at the other side of the room to find his legs sprawled with his arms beneath his pillow. The other rolled his head to look at him once he noticed the blond was awake and pulled an arm out to wave lightly before depositing back beneath the warmth of the pillow. The shirt he wore had the sleeves ripped off but was meant only for sleeping, pantleg rolled up on his right one which sat lopsided on the bed. 

They had until eleven to leave, it ten when the blond woke up. The two silently organized their things into their bags and zipped them up, heading downstairs when the time was right and getting breakfast. Everyone was on the road by eleven ten, Levi going to be passenger in Erwin's car until they reached the pit-stop where he'd be handed over to Hange and Moblit in order to get his car from their home and go back to his own. 

By twelve, they were halfway there, the blond wandering down aisles of the grocery store sized gas station while he looked for something to eat. Levi would travel the rest of the way with Hange and Moblit and Erwin would have uncomfortable silence from that point onwards.The aux cord didn't connect properly, the radios only gave off static at this part of the freeway, and he had no CDs. 

Great. 

Levi waited out between Erwin's car and the Subaru, seated on the hood of the blond's car as he flicked through his apps and found messaging. From there he pulled up Petra's messages, finding that it was Oluo's birthday soon and she wanted to have a nice celebration for him and thank him for all his work. That also meant Levi had to go alongside Gunther, Eld, and a few of Oluo's family members that were probably told things about him that even Levi didn't know. 

He raised his eyes when he noticed the structured figure of the blond arrive back to the car, turning his phone off and slipping it into his pocket. Erwin had gotten Funyuns and soda with candy, tossing the candy to Levi. 

''Thought you could do with some sugar.'' the blond told him. ''At least until you arrive back home.''

Levi checked the label before dropping his hand. 

''What would energy do for me trapped in a car?" he asked. 

Erwin approached the driver's side door and placed his soda in the cupholders, Funyuns on the passenger seat before he straightened his back out and saw the others by their cars. 

''I don't know.'' he turned his eyes back to Levi. 

''Thanks...'' he told him, Erwin patting his shoulder before slipping through gas tanks to get to his other friends. Levi watched him, eyes dropping over where his shoulders held up his shirt and how his shirt billowed at the center of his back before curving deliciously over his ass. Anyone would be pleased to have _that_ ass in their life. 

He pushed himself off the car and opened the back door, going through bags to make sure everything had traveled from Erwin's car to the Subaru safely. Once everything was in check, Levi placed the candy bar on the seat, just in front of where the air conditioner would blow on it to make sure the chocolate wouldn't melt. Pushing it into his bag would make a mess and dropping it in the containers on the doors would do nothing but cause it to be lost and probably melt. 

Levi stood from the doorway and squinted into the light, looking towards the Jeep where the others were crowded and was about to hold his hand up and wave to them before he instead lowered his hand over his brow to shroud the sun. Witnessing from a distance, he watched as Erwin crossed his arms defiantly and was met with equal defiance from the others, tension that had been tried to be worked off at the resort building its way back up. He'd no clue what was happening and rightfully kept out of it, but couldn't help feel that in some way the conversation may have been about him. 

It was ridiculous, he hadn't done a single thing wrong during their trip, but old habits die hard apparently. 

The group split off, Moblit having pulled at Hange's wrist lightly and finally motioning them back towards the car, the couple simply waving goodbye to the other three. Nanaba stayed, she had no choice really, instead turning her back to them and setting her elbows on the hood of the Jeep, tapping a cigarette out from the container. Mike and Erwin continued speaking, settling something between them and Levi lowered his hand, turning his eyes back towards the car once the other two approached. 

A hand came to rest between his shoulders, sliding off the other side and he looked up to Hange. 

''Don't have to act like you weren't watching.'' Hange told him, being tossed the keys to drive. 

Levi asked no questions about the feud that had sprouted up between them. He raised his eyes back up to the other three, finding Nanaba puffing away and Erwin now taking a more settled pose before the blond looked over, waving to them. Levi sat down and shut the door, raising his hand in the window to wave at the other as the car drove past the interaction. 

He pulled his clothes out of his bags once he got home, throwing the dirty ones into his laundry hamper and folding the others back up before he straightened out his swim trunks. Those were tossed in the hamper after the others, Levi deciding to do his laundry tomorrow morning before work. 

**To Erwin  
Home and well? **

Erwin didn't send him a response and the smaller man abandoned the other's messages, instead going to Petra's. He still thought on the pit stop arguments that occured but ignored his own thoughts as he read over the conversation between he and the other woman before typing out a message. 

**To Petra  
Did he make up his mind on what he wants for his birthday?**

**Said he didnt want a party. Instead wants 2 stay @ home but u can come by.**

**That means having to get a gift.**

**U love getting gifts.**

Levi raised his eyes to the window, looking down at the road below as the fog was beginning to try to roll out and disappear. It had been thick once they passed through the green mountains and reached the freeway which rounded past the cliffs. It sat inches over the water and flowed in past the waves and the rocks, finding its way through the homes and rolling over the roofs as well. Now, it was summoned back to the sky.   
 **  
To Petra  
** **When's his birthday again?**

**U know anyways. B over at nine, I want to take him 2 brunch.**

Oh God _, brunch._ He _hated_ brunch _._ Would he even be off at the right time to be over for a brunch? 

Well, apparently it'd be useful to adjust further to life. He had listened to conversations about brunch thousands of times at the grocery stores and in the restaurant, not truly understanding why there was such importance around brunch, not since he first heard the word but apparently it was enough for Oluo to enjoy and wish to have on his birthday. Levi picked his keys up and stepped back out into the world, deciding to drive to find the other a bottle of whiskey. 

He loved Irish Jack Daniels, Oluo, Levi knew that from when he watched the man guzzle it when they were deployed in Korea and decided he needed a day or two off. It still didn't wean him off his love for it, so it was the best gift he could get the other. He pulled the car into the Target parking lot and let out a sigh at the sight of the packed parking lot and red carts littering the black asphalt. A slow pace was given, leading him around before he suddenly pulled into a parking spot.

Exhaustion began pulling at him as he stepped from the car, shutting his fingers around his keys as he wandered through the parking lot towards the doors. Wind blew into his face, glass doors opening to force him to squint inside. He stepped inside, voices echoing from every angle and individuals moving past him, noises of carts, registers, people and the sound of hangers crying against metal hit his ears. Levi pulled his shoulders back and moved through the aisles towards the grocery area which was on the other side of the store. He took different shortcuts, or at least ways that made him feel like they were shortcuts towards the food aisles, stepping into the wine aisle and looking around before finding whiskey by itself on the other side closest to the refrigerators. 

A bottle of whiskey and a bottle of wine was picked off of the shelves, both placed in a basket he found under one of the metal racks before continuing through and deciding to get some groceries. He was too exhausted to do a lot, but too energized to simply sit and home and wait around for night time to come, a restless feeling that made him itch but meandering the store with a basket in his hand aided him. There were a few noises that were deemed irritating, perhaps overbearing, and he slipped away from it and found himself in the Christmas decoration corner of the store beside the electronics and the toys. He found some other items before heading to the registers, getting his ID for the alcohol before proceeding home. 


	18. Chapter 18

Groceries were put away and the wine was hidden in the very back of the pantry, Levi moving next and placing the whiskey in the center of the dining table on his way to find wrapping paper for Oluo's gift. He wasn't even sure he _had_ any wrapping paper or gift bags. There was ribbon somewhere, probably in the art's container he kept shut and dusty in the corner of his garage. 

The door was unlatched and he creaked it open, reaching up to the doorway and flicking the light on. It flickered before turning on, revealing the organized but dusty garage within. He didn't use it for anything beside holding all of his belongings that didn't deserve to sit in his home, the car was never pulled in but another world, a world full of memories sat encased in dust. It was labeled in red sharpie, ARTS yelling at him each time he stepped into the garage. He'd really forgotten just _how_ dusty it was in there, nose irritated as he crossed the ground and reached up to the middle shelf. The box was pulled back and placed on the floor, lid clicked open and pushed aside before he looked down within. Pencils, watercolor pens, notebooks both full and half used, some little kid things inside that were meant for him, some letters with hot glue stuck to corners which left a mess on the covers. 

He dug past it all, finding a gift bag at the bottom. It was beige with small, white stripes on it, white lace handles sewn through. It had been bought in order to be used long ago, and would finally meet its fate soon. The lid was fastened back on and hoisted back on the shelf before he exited the garage and locked the door, light being turned off after him. He dusted off the bag and placed it on the table in front of the whiskey bottle. It was nowhere near tall enough to hide what it was, but maybe he could stuff it with enough tissue paper to cover it up. Without tissue paper, he found the ribbon back in the arts crate and covered the whiskey bottle with it as much as he could, stepping back and looking it up and down. It looked... Great, actually. 

\--

Oluo's birthday was the next morning, Levi up early to shower and dress before he grabbed the whiskey bottle bag and exited his home to meet with them at the restaurant. It was going to be him, Petra, and the birthday boy Oluo. 

A reminder flickered through his mind but he kept driving to the restaurant, parking at the other side of the lot and following the route to the front doors before stepping inside. He brought the gift up to his chest as he stepped inside, wary of the other close to him before his hand was suddenly taken and he looked over to Petra. 

''Petra...'' he said, the woman leading him from her route from the bathrooms towards the tables. 

''Hi, Levi.''

''Oluo's birthday isn't until the sixth.''

They turned the corner around the tables and she stopped him, Oluo, Gunther, Eld raising their glasses to him in celebration but unspeaking. They simply smiled. Levi's brows came together but he was at least pleased that his suspicions were correct. She brought him to the table and seated him beside her at the wide table, next to Eld who handed over a glass of water. 

''No, it isn't.'' she said. ''But yours is in ten days and we won't be here to celebrate.''

''P-''

''We know you don't celebrate it.'' Gunther said. ''You don't celebrate anything really, but we wanted to give you something.''

''That and we wanted an excuse to drag you out past the dance room.'' Eld said quietly. 

A waiter approached the table and Levi set the gift that was originally meant for Oluo on the table, lace handles dropping off his fingers before he noticed the other's gaze trained on it. He looked up at him, watching his gaze lift slowly from the bag to Levi before Oluo smiled. 

''For me?" he asked.

Levi decided instead to set the bag beside his feet, away from him. 

''You'll get it when the day comes around.'' he told him. He adjusted his position in the chair before raising the glass that'd been slipped to him to his lips. ''Now what's all this shit?"

''We wanted brunch.'' Eld said. 

The waiter took orders and their eyes landed on Levi last, the male scanning over it quickly before deciding on the similar thing he got usually, handing the menu back and sitting in his chair. He listened to them talk before the conversation turned to Oluo and his busy body job. Levi looked up and listened, just before the talk was turned to him. 

''And what about the birthday boy?" 

He rolled his eyes, sitting back and crossing his leg over his knee. 

''Come on,'' Petra said, elbowing him lightly. ''You've been gone for the past three days, where'd you go?"

''The mountains with some-'' he stopped himself, looking around at the others as he realized what he was about to say. These people sitting around him, these people were his friends too, and he'd never given them that title, or at least never said it out loud. But... They knew. They should know, he really hadn't spoken to much of anyone else like this since- A while. 

But the rest were waiting for him to complete his sentence, eyes a little wider in their wait but no more surprised that he hadn't yet completed his sentence. 

''Friends of... Erwins.'' he completed. Levi raised the glass to his lips again and took a quick sip.

''Did you have fun? What did you do?"

''Mountain... Things.''

''Oh,'' Oluo leaned forth on his elbows. ''The Tenaya Lodge. Did you go for the sleigh rides?"

''No,'' he answered. ''Went swimming in the indoor pool.''

''No sledding, or skiing?"

He just shrugged. Petra's hand found his arm and patted it lightly, a very calm motion. He raised his eyes to her, watching as she lifted her head as the waiter came back with their food. 

\--

It wasn't anger that followed the day's festivities, guilt really. Sprouting somewhere in the depths of his heart like a twisted flower filled with thorns, vines reaching out and tying around his muscles and straining his chest. Vines of poison reached towards his mind, wrapping themselves around his ideas and his thoughts and clouding it with memories, ideas, plans, and botched schemes that came crashing to his skull. 

The day wasn't even bad, this entire monstrosity simply decided to grow from nothing, from his happiness that it seemed, he did not deserve. Things were simpler during the day, his afternoon ending and bringing him back home to rest with the gifts that he'd open. But now in the dark the poison grew and continued. 

Describing it more would be difficult. It was simply a bag of feelings derived from nothing that appeared suddenly, like sudden trash found under a couch cushion. The moment he opened his car door to drive home it hit him, growing until he was stumbling angrily through his home just to reach the cabinets in the kitchen. A bottle of whiskey and wine sat in them, he hadn't had alcohol in a while and missed the sweet, sweet burn that traveled down his throat. A glass was placed on the counter, followed by the whiskey. Wine, he guessed, was too good for this hatred occasion. 

The alcohol was poured in and he raised it quickly to his lips, drinking it all back and down. Neither his boots or his jacket had the time to come off; the keys hadn't even touched any surface yet. The jacket was left on the dining table, boots being kicked off as he walked into the living room with the bottle in one hand and glass in the other. The keys were... Somewhere in the kitchen. He'd find them. Phone was somewhere too. Didn't really matter.

He dropped himself inbetween the couch and the coffee table, setting the bottle on the polished wooden surface and watching the liquid within wobble and shake before dropping his arm down afterward. The glass was brought back up to his mouth before he raised it in the air. 

"To the recruits, the crew, and all these hard-asses.''

Remembered that stupid fucking phrase like it was yesterday. One year. No, nearly two. Nearly two years and look at him, close to crying into his glass and trying to drown those salty tears away with some hard liquor. Great. That's how far he'd gotten in two years. Few more glasses later and it wasn't that hard to think about opening up that trunk and looking inside, rifling around. Wasn't a bad thought at all...

It effected Petra and Oluo too, he forgot. He may have been the one to witness it, but they were friends. They had it passed down to them, the story. It happened, it was seen. Couldn't change shit, couldn't change how he was dealing it, how he dealt with it for the past **_two fucking years_**. Also couldn't change the way that he treated the two people that decided to stay in his life dealing with this shit. Kenny sure as fuck didn't, but when did Kenny ever really give a fuck about anything? Unless it was guns, Kenny fucking loved guns. 

When Levi got back home, broken, still really bandaged up from the wounds he suffered, at the age where he could have graduated with a Master's and made _different_ family members proud, Kenny just looked at him. Looked at him from the doorway of the monstrosity that had become Levi's childhood home and angled his head slightly as he stared at him. 

Just. **Looked**. 

He apologized for not being infantry, for not being a general. He apologized for not being a good enough pilot and for not being able to turn himself or his cadets around. He apologized for not being good enough to join a good college, he apologized for running away at age nine because he was scared. He apologized for not having the guts to talk to his grandfather properly. He apologized for not being made of steel and for not sticking up for himself. He apologized for not hitting the targets with the gun properly. He apologized, and he apologized. 

He apologized for being him. 

And all he was given, was a look. 

His phone buzzed somewhere in the corner of the room and he raised his head from his fest he created for himself at the table, some whiskey still sitting at the bottom of the glass. A few more moments, and the phone was buzzing again. He breathed in and pushed his glass away, sitting back and pushing against the couch as much as possible, trying to get away from his own actions on the dark wood. He wanted to run away again, it was easier to do that. The bottle was pushed to the back of the cabinet alongside the wine and the glass was poured out into the sink and rinsed before he found his phone in the corner of the kitchen, just beside his keys. 

Three new messages from his workmates asking where he was. 

**Sick, sorry. Haven't been feeling well enough to even find my phone. I'll try to be in tomorrow.**

He should scrap it, apologize for being an hour late and go running there in his uniform. Even if he smelled a bit of alcohol. It would distract him, and he wasn't necessarily running away. 

**Lost track of time. Be there in fifteen.**

\--

Mike wanted to speak about their upcoming adventure in January, the one Erwin kept rotating around to speak to Levi about, the one that was coming closer and closer with everyday. That morning was especially hard to wake up, a few mornings after their trip up to the mountains. 

Luckily he had gotten a few Christmas gifts already and didn't have to worry much about getting much more, but also that meant he had fewer things to do. A run might do him good. He sat up, running his hands through his hair and allowing his foot to hang out from under the covers, rubbing his eyes. 

He hadn't been for a run in the morning since...Sheesh, October? A week before he met Levi, so nearly two months since he went on his favorite scenic route. He'd go, that was of course if his shorts and hoodie were clean. For some reason, he only wore those two certain things on his runs, a habit he guessed. 

That didn't mean he got up any further from his sitting position. He stayed where he sat, head turned down and hands keeping him propped up at his sides. His eyes stayed shut, the blond breathing drowsily and letting out a soft sigh which gave him the energy to raise his head and look forth at the glass doors. The yard was just there, at least the side of it. The rest of it wound out from the back and the doors were shrouded by soft curtains that fluttered gently. Light came in beautifully on the days when he had the energy for it. The blond tried standing and instead went back into the warmth that was his covers. 

Instead he made a mental checklist on who he got gifts for and who he hadn't. He ticked off the boxes before it stopped, the blond realizing he hadn't yet gotten anything for his father like he'd promised. Something dragged him up and got him dressed, Erwin too exhausted to do much with his hair and instead covered it with a grey cap, deciding that the mall would be too busy. There was one place he had in mind, but it meant supplies instead of a single thing. Altogether it'd be pricy, but his father might appreciate it. 

He needed supplies to carve something for his father, not knowing if he had anything sharp enough to carve wood with and deciding instead on clay to shape and cut. That skill had been learned in his high school/military years, first from his arts teacher and the next from the older man he met in the military that decided that Erwin was the best protégé  for it. He made a few carvings since then, not doing it often due to his fear of cutting too deep into his hand if he slipped. Clay seemed easier, he liked working with clay, but besides having turned the one place he could have had a little workshop into a small gymnasium, he also had no supplies for such a thing. 

The arts store was rather empty as he walked inside, waving to the cashier and continuing on through the store towards the back where he knew they kept their clay. Some carving utensils, art pads, and the special clay, he paid for his items at the register, then noticing that someone had donated to the fundraiser. Erwin glanced down to the multiple blue paper paintbrushes taped to the front of the register, names in all sorts of handwriting dotted on them, signatures of those that donated a few dollars. 

''Would you like to donate to the store?" the cashier asked. He raised his eyes from the papers. ''Thirty percent of proceeds go to childrens hospitals!"

Erwin nodded, getting his wallet out to pay and donate as he turned his eyes back to the paper paintbrushes. 

''How long has this fundraiser been going on for?"

''Oh, not very long. But with schools trying to bring in more supplies and to get students interested, we've had quite a few new people coming in. The usuals come by too and sign different names. Just last week I had one guy that used to be a regular come in for the first time in years and donate. He has lovely handwriting. Just like yours!" she said. 

Erwin never thought his handwriting was _lovely_. At least readable. 

He smiled at her. ''Thank you,'' he said, having finished signing his name with the black sharpie before resting his eyes on the papers again, finding on beautiful signature within the rest of them. 

 _Levi A._  

Levi Ackerman. 

The blond looked closer and found that it was indeed Levi A. like he thought it was, slipping his finger under the paper and pulling it off to look closer. The cashier watched him suspiciously for a moment before she spoke again. 

''Yeah, that one.'' she said. ''Isn't it pretty.''

''It's gorgeous.'' 

He'd never seen Levi's handwriting. It wasn't exactly a thing two or more people bonded over during a conversation at a bar or at the movies. 

''I know him, too.'' Erwin said, sticking it back on. ''He _does_ have lovely handwriting.''

The woman had bagged his supplies up and he took the handle of the paper bag before raising his eyes back to her. 

''What did he buy?"

''Notebooks, charcoal. Not a lot and he didn't speak much when I asked him those everyday questions.''

Erwin smiled. ''Don't take it personally.''


	19. Chapter 19

Over the course of the next two days, he stayed concentrated on the little figures he was making. First he decided to make the most strenuous thing he could on the piece, the people, and then continue on into making the bed piece of it all. The gift was his father's favorite folklore, the Heinzelmännchen, about the elves in Cologne that did the work for the people. A cautionary tale, as his father called it, reading it on to him as his parents had done in his young years before. 

It became a fairy tale passed through the generations, one that Erwin loved equally as his father, but did not have the same connection to it as the older man did. Art and delicacy came from the concentration that he could remember his mom having in his very early years, his oldest memories of her showing him her work. She worked with clays, ceramics, made him a little statue for his first birthday that he kept with him, safe in his home. Later he followed this into high school, became very dedicated to the work that went into it and found it easier to create this little masterpiece for his father. 

The Heinzelmännchen piece was not simply figurines, it was a small set of sculptures. He could see already how strenuous he was trying to do it in such a short amount of time, but barely noticed how much time went by before hunger pulled at his stomach. With crackers and dip later, he went right back to it, sitting on the back patio with the gazebo covering him. He'd do some touch ups and then eat some more, alternating back and forth before a ring from his phone caught his attention. His food was stuffed in one cheek, the man pausing before he glanced over, dropping his things and checking it.

**From Levi  
Where have you been?**

**me? why?**

**Texting**

**you dont text either**

**It's an exchange of power**

**What are you doing?**

**sculpting something for my father, a folklore based thing.**

**Thats nice**

**what have you been doing?**

**Shopping around**

**I saw your name on the papers at the art store**

**You did?**

**yeah. you have stunning handwriting. its graceful and gorgeous**

**You said my dancing was graceful too**

**you are graceful an**

That was all he sent, cutting him off. He could tell occasionally that Levi stopped himself from crossing an invisible line, but didn't know if the other man was aware that he did the same thing. Hopefully he didn't, even with those sharp, gorgeous eyes. Erwin smiled, continuing to chew his food as he stared down at the phone screen. 

That mysteriously handsome man with the graceful movements and motions. The way every part of his face complimented the next, from his chin to his mouth, mouth to his nose, nose to his very strong eyes and his dark hair that was starting to grow, if slowly. His shoulders and their muscles, the hands he took glances to that held his drinks with strength and that hidden grace with lovely, clean skin that was beginning to rid itself of the callouses and the light scars the other man held on them. Him. Just the name _Levi_ was enough for him to want to stop and think for a long moment, shut his eyes and block out the world. 

**From Levi**   
**Thanks**

This man could distract him from everything and keep him hostage and he might just damn well say that he was grateful for it. 

**What's the folklore?**

**Heinzelmännchen**

**?**

Erwin began the explanation, about Cologne and its people, the tailor's wife who got a bit too nosy and scared off the hard working elves, the dedication that Cologne gave to this fairy tale and why he and his father loved it so much. He followed it by taking a photo of the completed elves, sending it to Levi. 

 **How much time have you spent on those?** Levi asked in return.

**a few hours altogether i think. no clue how im going to dry these out outside. its supposed to rain the next couple of days and you know we only get fog**

**Do you cook often?**

**no**

**Either put it in your cabinets or in your oven to dry. Empty cabinet. Garages are too cold this time of year I think.**

Erwin took his advice, continuing to eat and to sculpt on his back patio until his rear end was numb from cold and his inability to re-position and the stars were out. Carefully the statues were taken back inside, the blond placing them in the very center of his dining table to not get ruined by any accident before washing his hands and arms. He raised his eyes to the mirror and stopped, feeling the cool water run over his skin and flow into the drain. 

He was definitely older. Not old man older but older. It made him slightly... Scared. There was an overpowering scent of fish as the wind came in strongly through the window, the blond blinking towards it and turning the faucet off. He turned his back to the mirror and cleaned his hands, disappointment pulling at his heart before he stepped out of the bathroom. The television was flicked on as the blond dropped himself on the couch, cuddling a pillow to his chest and pressing his nose into it. 

The blond joined the military to help his country, fight for it, bring honor. And now, it simply felt as if old men were stirring up wars for young people to die in. He rolled onto his back, watching the television. He wanted to be an architect when he was younger, building plans, other things. Now he had no other job but the military which he didn't know if he could follow through with much longer, a very short chance of living long, and the fear that he'd hurt others back home. All felt irrational and a creeping feeling itched at his spine. Stress started pulling at him and he felt like he needed to move, needed to get things off his shoulders. Discomfort rose and forced him to sit up, the blond resting his head in his hands and sighing. Strands of hair fell around his fingers and he flicked at it gently.

That would need to be cut soon as well, sometime in the next few weeks. 

He stood and walked from the living room, shuffling around before unrolling his yoga mat onto the floor. The blond took position before craning himself properly, inhaling slowly and shutting his eyes. Erwin raised his head and slowly exhaled, eyes opening to look forth at the open window. It smelled achingly of simply fish, the blond scrunching his nose before craning back to the beginner position.

\--

Mike was travelling with Nanaba and their boxer, Roxy to his hometown for Christmas. They'd left the day before with their things for the holiday trip, possibly on the worst day to do so on the freeway. Hange and Moblit left the day directly after their trip to the mountains so there hadn't been much more communication besides complaints about the family and having to get ingredients for the dinners and ornaments for trees that were on sale because of the uncles inability to balance the tree properly. 

He'd gone around to their houses after making sure they were definitely away and left behind the gifts he'd bought them in the time before hand. His gifts were in safe places, the blond also knowing where the spare keys were at the same time. Levi was kind enough to invite him around for Christmas decoration viewing, the two going to travel down around neighborhoods to see the decorations and go down to the bar afterwards. The blond waited until the sun was set to meet Levi at the park, pulling himself to sit on the tire swing. 

Erwin rotated around lightly, pushing his toe against the sand as he curled his fingers around the cold chain clipped to the tire. He twirled slowly, raising his eyes to the sky. The air was cold, as usual, and bit into his skin. A few clouds sat in the air above him, but not enough to shroud the moon or cover the stars. Both the sea and the sky held his attention throughout his life. If he was not able to direct his dreams to the ocean, he'd direct them to the stars. 

Levi shoved his hands in his coat, following the wooden panel trail towards the park before stepping onto the sand. He glanced around, noticing the rather large child on the swing before realizing it was Erwin instead. He grinned lightly before picking up a woodchip on the ground and tossing it over, watching it bounce against the other's shoulder. The blond glanced to what hit him before raising his eyes, face softening as he saw Levi before he the smaller man came up and pushed him slightly. 

The blond raised his feet to allow himself to swing before rotating and pushing his feet into the sand and standing. Levi stepped back, watching the blond push himself up and step out of the swing. 

"Ready?" Erwin asked. Levi nodded, the two following the trail back around to the neighborhood. They looked over the lights, the inflatable decorations and the Santa's on roofs with their reindeers. One had some more immersed decorations, elves on the yard and as you looked further, some more on the roof, in windows, one was even attempting to climb in through a second story window. Erwin and Levi spoke about it as they walked on, Levi stopping and pointing at the roof to one of the elf decorations before Erwin pointed to the one trying to climb in the window. 

''Think that the people in there are wondering why there's two men pointing at their house?" Levi asked him. The blond smiled, nodding and laughing softly before they continued on, leaving their eyes on the house. Levi pushed the bar door open before Erwin could grab it, glancing to how the other's hand lifted momentarily as Levi reached for the door first. 

Luckily the same booth they always sat in was open, the smaller man dropped in the booth to where his back could face the rest of the bar, Erwin sitting on the other side of him. He watched the blond pull his sleeve from his arm before his muscled arm emerged, jacket being shrugged off to the other side. He pulled at the chest of his shirt which had been hugging him tightly, stretching his arms. Levi got them both drinks, beer for both, and paid for the drinks before he slid the other's pint across to him. 

Erwin wrapped his fingers around the handle of the pint glass, the other sitting around the bottom of it. Some dollar bills sat in front of Levi where Erwin had dropped them, his response to his decision to buy both drinks. Levi ignored the money, just raised his drink in the air. 

''Cheers.'' he said. 

The blond raised his glass as well. 

''To what?"

''What do you think we should cheers to?"

He watched him as he thought, eyes flicking around Levi's face before smiling. 

''Cheers to us.''

Levi pushed his glass to Erwin's, clinking their pints before they dropped their heads back and drank their beer. He placed it back on the table and sighed gently, folding his fingers together. The blond took another gulp of it before setting his own down and wrapping his hands around the bottom of the glass. 

''When's your birthday?" Erwin suddenly asked. 

He looked up. 

''Why?"

The other shrugged, looking down into his drink before raising his eyes again and smiling gently. Levi liked how one corner raised before the other, white teeth directing at him before his dimple appeared on the side of his cheek. A shine came into his eye as well whenever he grinned, looking like he had something else on his mind. 

''I'm just interested. ''

Levi shifted in his seat, pulling his pint with him to the corner of the booth. 

''December twenty-fifth.''

Thick brows raised, shining blue eyes widening slightly. 

''Really?" Erwin seemed so excited. ''It's so soon! I should get you twice the amount of presents in that case.''

He shook his head, lowering his hand to the surface of the table. 

''No. Don't get me any presents.''

Disappointment radiated from the other, his brows pulling together and his face dropping. 

''Can I get you... Anything?"

Levi shook his head again in return to the other's question. 

''We can just hang out together or something. Don't get me gifts, I don't need them and don't know what I'd do with them either.''

''Admire them? Appreciate the fact that someone gave you a gift?" Erwin responded quickly, almost as if he was offended that Levi wouldn't accept a gift from him. He'd appreciate any gift from him, he loved getting gifts but that love died down after time.

He stared forth at him before raising his glass again to quiet himself, wanting to collect the right words before  turning his gaze to the bar. A few women were crowded there, one wearing a very shiny dress that fit her well before he turned his eyes back to the blond. 

''I'm not used to gift giving.'' Levi responded finally. ''Or realistically gift-receiving.''

Erwin tilted his head slightly before raising his eyes to the bar as well, his gaze flicking back to the smaller man almost momentarily. 

''Do you not want anything?"

Levi took in a steady breath. 

''Have you already bought me one?"

The blond grinned and raised his shoulders, forcing him to look sheepish about it. 

''That means I need to get you a present.''

Erwin just shrugged, raising his glass again. 

''I don't care.''

The blond pulled himself out of the booth, standing at the side and cracking his fingers. 

''I've got to use the bathroom, I'll be back soon.''

Levi watched him step away and towards the bar. The bathrooms were past the rest of the bar and the people, watching him excuse and apologize his way through the crowd before he watched him suddenly stepped back. He froze, watching further as the blond took another step back, others around him looking over and moving out of the way. Someone was busy jabbing their finger into his chest repeatedly, Erwin not seemingly intimidated before he raised his hands, motioning to the door. 

The other was pulled away and the blond brushed through to use the bathrooms which had been his original plan. Levi realized he'd been leaning further out of the booth, back and muscles tense and ready to jump out into action if it came to it. Erwin came back without issue, leaning down towards the seat. 

''I think we should go,'' the blond stated, already aware that Levi had seen the scene unfold. ''Before anything more happens.''

Immediately he began getting out of his seat, taking one last gulp of his beer before leaving Erwin's money on the table to tip for their drinks. He picked up his own coat as the blond got his, keeping it folded over his arm. The blond pulled his on as they approached the door, pushing it open with an outstretched arm. Levi slipped under it and stepped out into the cool air, Erwin behind him as they wandered back out into the parking lot. Before they could reach the corner which bled into the sidewalk for them to go towards the blond's home, Erwin was suddenly losing his balance, having been shoved off of his feet. 

The smaller man whipped around, finding the man and his other friends from before standing behind him. Erwin caught himself and turned as well, pulling his face back in time to avoid the other's fist to his chin. Levi was suddenly in motion, feeling his knuckles painfully connect with the other man's jaw. The blond was more than capable to fend for himself, he was already busy with pushing another man off of himself in the midst of Levi's own battle. 

He had enough strength to knock the other off of his feet, the male stumbling back and holding his jaw. He was in obvious pain, not able to handle a punch that hard but in Levi's distraction another fist hit his own face. It was lighter, hitting the corner of his mouth and his nose. He knocked back before bringing his fist up into the other's stomach. The other man tried bringing the toe of his shoe into Levi's groin as he came forth, the smaller man able to bring himself back. His fist connected with the other's stomach, Levi looking over and finding that Erwin had the other man with his arms behind his head, in a perfect headlock. Others were starting to file out of the bar, breaking up the fight. 

The blond stepped back and looked over to check on Levi, his hair mussed and bruise already developing on his eye. It was starting to blacken, the smaller man feeling a sting from his mouth but nothing more within the adrenaline that was still pumping through him. Erwin leaned down and scooped Levi's jacket up off the ground, handing it to him as he approached. 

''Did I get beaten up badly?" he asked the blond. 

Erwin motioned to his lip and nose, Levi raising his fingers to his lip and finding blood on it before he pressed his knuckle to his nose. Blood dripped onto that as well, but it wasn't broken. If it was, he'd be bleeding far more and in far more pain.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Levi pulled at Erwin's sleeve, beckoning him to leave the parking lot while the other members of the fight were taken back to the bar. The blond reached for his wrist and followed him from the lot, the smaller man hooking his jacket over his shoulder. He raised his hand to his mouth again, feeling his lip stinging even with the slightest of touches. Erwin was rubbing his brow, avoiding his eye but still in pain. 

''What did the fucking argument even begin about at the bar?" he asked, looking up to the other. Erwin sighed deeply. 

''I stared too long at his girlfriend, apparently.'' he responded. ''Nothing important really, he only looked up at the same time I did and assumed I'd been staring for longer than I actually had been.''

''I was looking too.''

''He caught me only.'' Levi pulled his jacket on finally. ''Don't worry about it. Also, I had an idea, if you're up to presents and Christmas.''

''What?"

''I could grab some food and we could hang out. Watch some horror comedies and Christmas films?"

''Yeah, sure. It sounds fun.''

''Really?" Erwin asked. ''You want to?"

''I'm not doing anything else. Just get good food and let me pick the films.''

''I don't get a choice?"

''We'll see.''

The blond smiled. 

Levi woke up with his lip a bit swollen and his nose stinging. There was still some dried blood in his nostrils, the male washing it out before he looked at his lip. Luckily it wasn't extremely swollen, it looked more like some acne on his lip instead of him having gotten punched the night before. 

**To Erwin  
How's your eye?**

He got a photo in return, opening it to find that it had swollen and blackened quite a bit, but Erwin followed it with another photo of him applying ice to his eye with a smile. At least he was taking care of himself. Levi decided to clean the house a bit, wiping off the counters and dusting his belongings. He vacuumed the carpets and mopped as well, having Erwin coming around in the next few days for Christmas. The house should at least look good for him as well. 

That Monday, Erwin arrived at around three, holding a box of pizza in his hands with a bright smile. 

''I got pizza.''

''I see that,'' Levi stepped back in a gesture to invite him inside. Erwin removed his shoes at the door and looked around, the smaller man realizing that the blond had never been inside his house before. ''What kind?"

''A bit of everything,'' the blond responded. ''I got white sauce instead of tomato sauce too. Ham, chicken, peppers, olives, sausages, pineapple...''

He opened up the lid and revealed it to Levi, a beautiful smell reaching his nose. It stung slightly to breathe in, even a few days after the brawl before the blond folded the lid back and set the box up on the coffee table. Levi got napkins to use in place of plates, setting the pile on the table as well. 

''Take your coat off.'' he ordered. ''We're relaxing.''

Erwin pulled it off and hung it in the closet, sitting down on the couch and bringing his legs close together. He pulled into himself, the smaller man turning the television on. 

''I grabbed ice cream and some chips and dip too.'' Levi said, softening his tone and flicking through the menus. ''Do you want anything to drink?"

''Just water. Please.''

Levi tossed the remote to him, turning his back to trudge back into the kitchen. 

''Play anything you'd like.''

He heard a very happy Erwin talk about Shaun of the Dead in the other room before he heard him play it, coming back with the glass of water and setting it on the table for him on one of the napkins. He leaned forth, picking up a napkin and pulling a slice of pizza from the box. He pressed himself into the back of the couch, noticing how the blond still held himself firmly. 

''Uncomfortable?" Levi asked him. 

''Hm? Oh no-''

''Then relax.''

Erwin sipped his water before getting his own slice of pizza. He leaned back, raising his arm up on the back of the couch, the similar position they sat in at the bar on their first night. More than half a box of pizza gone and two movies in, a bag was placed beside Levi. Somehow the other had gotten it in without Levi noticing. He'd put all the attention on the pizza, talking about that and ignoring anything else he'd have brought in. Levi turned his eyes to it, glancing up to the blond who was still watching the television before he leaned over and peered inside. 

That was when Erwin looked up, finally watching him.

''What's this?" Levi asked. 

''Gift.''

He rolled his eyes. 

''No shit.''

''You have to open it to find out. That's how gifts works.''

''I know how gifts fucking work.''

The blond turned down the volume on the television, pulling himself to sit up from his slouched position. He was excited about Levi opening the gift he got for him. The smaller man sat up as well, leaning forth and picking the bag up off of his couch. Tissue paper was stuffed inside the light blue, glittered bag, placing it on the table. He pulled the paper out and set it aside, looking up to the blond before reaching in. His nails hit glass, pulling his hand back before wrapping his hand around it. What was pulled out was a snow globe. It had a forest inside, small birds on branches and a deer looking up towards him. He shook it gently, snow rising and falling slowly back down. 

He looked further into it, seeing how detailed it was. It may have been a thing from the gift shop up at the Tenaya Lodge, but it meant a lot. It was very pretty, and Erwin was obviously excited about getting it for him. And Levi loved it. A gift from the other man meant everything to him. 

''Merry Christmas.'' 

Erwin's voice was soft and warm. 

''Thanks...'' Levi responded, clearing his throat. ''Thank you.''

The smaller man stood and placed the globe up on the mantel underneath the television, standing back carefully with his hands still hovering around it. It looked good up there and the snow still fell around the forest. He got a card off of the mantel and tossed it to Erwin, watching him catch it like a frisbee. The blond ripped the envelope open, looking inside and finding that Levi had hand written a card to him. His beautiful handwriting sat on the card in front of him, Erwin unable to suppress a smile. He read it in his head, making sure that Levi could see that he appreciated it. 

_**Erwin,** _

**_Thanks for taking me up to the mountains to ski and sled. Swimming with you was fun as well. You and the others talk a lot on how pleased you've been to meet me, that I've changed something and I haven't been able to tell at all during the entire time being around all of you. But I appreciate the group you've brought me into, the friends I've been able to make, and I've never been more grateful. The five of you have changed things for me as well, but I can't say it without talking especially about you._ **

**_I can do things easier now, having comfort of you and the comfort of knowing that you enjoy being around me. There's a lot of insecurities surrounding my life, gifts, dance, even my hair, but I can talk about it easier with you, and I'm able to talk to others easier as well now that you're here._ **

**_Thank you for talking to me at that dinner and allowing me to text you the next day._ **

**_-Levi A._ **

Erwin ran his eyes over the words again, how his name was written with the beautiful curve in the E, the other's signature and the second paragraph before he read over it again. 

''I didn't get you a snow globe, sorry.'' Levi said. The blond raised his eyes to him, laughing gently and shaking his head.

''No snow globe can catch up to this.'' he responded. ''Thank you.'' 

He stood, bringing Levi close and giving him a warm hug before stepping back. They were both hesitant where they stood before Levi spoke again. 

''Merry Christmas to you too, Erwin.'' he said.

''And happy birthday, Levi.'' 

The smaller man brushed it off before securing his hands under his arms. 

''Do you want some ice cream?"

Erwin nodded, sitting back down slowly. Levi slipped into the kitchen and left the blond to read back over the letter, refusing to feel the rush of tears in his eyes as he read it over again and again, knowing that the other was just in the other room, clinking bowls and silverware around to get ice cream for them both. 

''Chocolate or Vanilla?" Levi asked. 

He swallowed thickly, wiping his eyes. 

''Can I get both?"

''Yeah.''

Erwin wiped at his eyes again, setting the letter face down in his lap to turn his gaze away towards the door. He clenched them shut, coughing to cover it up before he heard the other's steps coming towards him. 

He set the letter aside and raised his hand to the bowl that Levi was holding in his direction, thanking him while the other seated himself and dug into his own ice cream. Erwin handed the remote back to him as their film ended. 

''What are we on now?" Levi asked around the spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. 

''I think Christmas film.''

They had a rhythm; horror movie, Christmas, horror movie. Levi flicked it around onto a Chevy Chase film before dropping the remote back on the couch and bringing his feet up to his legs. He sat like a ball, bowl set on his knees, but he seemed comfortable. The smaller man kept eating, very slowly with his eyes concentrated on the television. His eyes softened when a certain scene came up, lips curling slightly before he snorted. He raised another spoonful of ice cream to his mouth, wrapping his lips around it. There was a moment of silence before Erwin spoke. 

''Can I ask how old you were when you joined the military?" 

Neither of them had talked a particular amount about their military years. 

''Eighteen.'' Levi responded. ''A month after graduating.''

''Oh...''

''You? When did you join?"

''When I was twenty.''

Levi nodded along as he listened. 

''I uh, I'm not in the military any longer, actually,'' Levi said. It seemed slightly difficult for him to speak. ''But I still hold the right to wear the uniform and go to the dinners.''

''How long have you been out of the military?"

''Two years, nearly. I got honorably discharged.''

The reason for that would come another time, Erwin knew that by the tone of Levi's voice. It wasn't angry but kind, but had an obvious stopping point. This gave the blond the perfect moment to talk about what had been nagging him, alongside Mike. But nothing more came from him, the blond clenching his jaw very slightly. There were two weeks given to him to explain to the other and if Levi didn't take it well with only a few days left, then he wouldn't hear anything from him.

But this evening was so calm, it was so collected and they were both so happy, having given gifts to each other that meant a lot as a whole. He bit his tongue and looked back to the film. 

''I hope I've only got to serve a few more years,'' Erwin said. ''I suffered the scar on my side but ignored the idea of being honorably discharged. It would have been a clean break, but I've still got deployments to fear. I want to make my next one my last.''

''Could've chosen a better tone to say that in.'' Levi responded quietly.

Erwin looked to him. 

''Make it my last and come home. In one piece.''

The other relaxed visibly. 

\--

The rest of the group was clawing their way back home, Levi and Erwin finding themselves at the downtown road of shops on New Years. Bars, clubs, shops and restaurants were filled to the brim of people, roads practically empty of any cars that evening while people waited for the celebrations to truly begin. In three months, Levi felt that he'd grown more than in the past year. He'd stretched himself to be friends with new people, grew stronger and accepted things better as well. He accepted the fact that he enjoyed dance, never having the bravery to do so. 

It was something that stuck with him for years and that he hadn't joined until Petra mentioned that she wanted to create a class. Even after she got the sturdy place to create the class and get it on a roll, it took him months to get the bravery to do it, especially in front of her, a fellow soldier. 

He'd even decided to begin growing his hair out. 

It hadn't gotten far but it was starting. He gave all of this bravery to Erwin, a silent thank you for having the other man come into his life. Without him, he doubted he'd have taken this many big steps forward in his life. 

His shift at the restaurant ended several hours ago, giving him the time to meet the other and go out for drinks if they so chose, or maybe just for a nice walk. They both knew the bars would be crowded and restaurants wouldn't be much better, leaving them to stroll down in the dark. Erwin lead him to avoid a group of intoxicated individuals arguing together, taking him instead to where they could see the shore better. Fireworks would be seen in a few minutes. 

Erwin brought the smaller man to the perfect place. Levi leaned against the railing, Erwin doing the same in a far more comfortable way, both looking to the group collected on the shore in the distance. 

''Hey Levi,'' Erwin said, the smaller man looking over at his watch. Only a few moments until New Years and until the fireworks were set off. He looked back over to the group on the beach, seeing them scurry around and check that they were in the right place. They began counting down, Levi straightening his back in anticipation at the echo of their voices. 

''Yeah?" he asked. Eight... Seven...

''I've got something important to tell you.''

Five.

''What is it?"

A few more seconds and the fireworks were screaming into the air and exploding, giving them a light show. Erwin decided to allow Levi to stare up into the sky and watch it, the two silent beside each other. They left after the fireworks began to die down, arms brushing against each other as they walked before Erwin stopped and spoke. 

''I'm being deployed in a few weeks.''

Levi stopped in his tracks and stared up at him, anger flashing through his face after the flicker of shock took its turn. Erwin wanted to step back, he pulled his coat tighter around himself for an excuse to hug himself while Levi stared up at him. 

'' _ **What?**_ " Levi almost spat the word out in return to Erwin's statement. The blond had no need to repeat himself, his words were heard loud and clear. ''When?"

''The fifteenth. The expected length of deployment will be from three to six months. Five at the longest.''

The smaller man blinked and turned away, raising his hand to his face. He was obviously letting the words soak in deeply, doing his best to deal with this new information. 


	21. Chapter 21

He felt broken. The sound of the word '' _deployment_ '' was enough to rip him to shreds, but applying to the blond hurt even more. There wouldn't be those repetitious messages checking on him regularly, asking him out to the bar or informing him on his day. His father would take over. 

''Is this why you had your father message me?" he asked, turning back to him. 

''No-''

''How long have you fucking known?!"

''Since... November.''

Levi's teeth chattered together as he clenched his jaw, making himself quiet down and think about what he was about to say. He didn't want to say something he'd regret, but he didn't know if he could bring himself to say more.

''I was scared about telling you.'' Erwin said. 

''Scared?" Levi forced himself to laugh, crossing his arms and cutting himself off from the other. ''Fucking scared?''

He was losing control and needed to stop himself before this wound out into a worst incident than it would have been before, before he could say hateful things to him and have him leave thinking he hated him and held a grudge against him.  But Levi couldn't speak anymore. He turned away and stalked back to where they'd parked their cars together in order to go home and collect his thoughts. 

Erwin felt shock sting through him as he watched the other simply walk away from the conversation. But he didn't say anything, didn't react anymore than allowing his eyes to follow him down the sidewalk and turn behind a building. Mike was right, he should have said something earlier to at least give Levi a good amount of time to deal with it.  

Levi cared deeply about him, he knew by the letter and how he acted differently around him compared to others. He cared deeply about a lot of people, just showed it in different ways, and trusted Erwin enough to drop down his walls and barriers to show who he was. Levi the dancer. But in the matter of ten seconds he watched it all build back up momentarily and get shut off from him. Back home, he dropped himself face first on his bed and groaned into the pillow until his throat hurt and he ran out of air, rolling begrudgingly for air before he let his head fall to the side. 

His hair tickled his eyelid, like a reminder as to what was on the list for him to ready for deployment. He needed to tighten up his work-out regimen as well. His heart hurt, especially after re-playing Levi's expression in his mind, over and over. He just kept repeating how Mike was right about it, how he should have said something earlier to give Levi time. But it was too late now, and Levi didn't respond to any alarmed text he sent him. 

During the next week, no responses were given, Erwin even going to yoga that Tuesday and coming around to the dance room to simply find that it was closed with no classes. Something must have happened, and he must have caused it. Anything could follow that; Levi could have gotten into a car crash if he was speeding during anger, maybe he hurt himself accidentally, or maybe it was something purposeful. But it was also a simple thing for him to need Petra and to speak to her. 

Erwin wished, oh so wished that Levi would give him some sort of response to his texts. He knew that he messed up by not saying anything, but the other could say something. Do something, quell Erwin's worries. He understood the other's frustrations, deployment was not an easy topic, especially so for a SEAL. His messages became more scarce over the next several hours, a response coming from Levi finally at the end of the week. 

**From Levi  
That means everyone else is going as well. **

He sighed gently. The people Levi had made friends with were now going to leave for the next several months, leaving him to stir in that silence again. 

 **yes.** Erwin responded. **im sorry Levi**

**What is everyone going to do leading up to it?**

**get ready for it. i know Nanaba and Mike are going to need someone to take care of Roxy so theyll be figuring that out. i know my dad is going to help them out.**

**Can we all go to the bar?**

**when would you like to go Levi?**

**Whenever everyone else can go. I'll message Nana about the running and mention it to her tomorrow morning or something.**

He felt that he should apologize again, but held back. Levi could understand, he was a grown man, not a scared child, but Erwin truly didn't want to lose what he had gained from the other man; vulnerability and safety. It was something sacred and buried deep in the other man, and in himself as well, and to lose it would be a catastrophe.

Luckily, Levi wanted to gather them at the bar, on any day that they'd be free. Hopefully there could be a greater understanding between them at the bar, and between the rest of the group. He knew it would be quiet and uncomfortable while they sat there, there would be a lot of speaking to be done but no voices raised properly for their words to be shared. Levi wasn't a man Erwin would like to lose, or grow away from. Hopefully he'd have some way of regularly keeping touch with him when deployed in another country. He collected himself and got up, calling Mike on the way.

''Hello?" the other answered after a few rings. 

''Hey.''

''You never call, what happened?"

Erwin pulled the refrigerator door open, peering inside. 

''I told him.''

''Finally? Well done for getting a big enough pair to do so.''

He rolled his eyes, grabbing a few things from the fridge and shutting the door. 

''How'd he take it?" the other asked.

''I should have said something earlier.''

Mike hummed, a tone for ''I told you so''. 

''He wants to go to the bar with everyone soon before we get ready to leave.''

''Erwin.''

''What?"

''Aren't you scared?" Mike asked. ''About how he's going to deal with us all gone? He's going to lose most of his friends in one day, Erwin.''

''I know.'' Erwin responded. ''I know, I know. I am. I'm scared about many things and I've set myself up so strong to simply shut it out and ignore it because I need to lead you all. Levi's going to have a few more friends and will have to adjust to what his life was.''

''But you understand how much we've changed him, right?"

''Of course I do, Mike. Of course. The top amount of time we have is four months for this, and we'll come home, alive.''

An obvious sigh could be heard from the other. 

Levi met Nanaba at the crossroads, the two very quiet compared to how they usually greeted each other. They simply pushed their headphones into their ears and jogged on, reaching the intersection and waiting in silence before Nanaba gripped the sleeve to his jacket and pulled him forth, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her head resting on her arm. He paused where he stood, feeling himself tense before he placed his hands on her back and held her in return. It only lasted a few more seconds before she pulled back and allowed her hand to slowly slip from his shoulder and down his arm, dropping at her own side. The intersection lights switched over and the two resumed their run, neither of them speaking on what they did, simply taking their route back to her home where he'd split off from her and go home, as usual.

They took the right turn and jogged down the slight incline, a very excited boxer resting their head on the fence as they approached. Levi stopped and pulled his earbuds from their place, setting his hand against his chest and breathing heavily. Nana rubbed the dog's head as the front door open, Mike stepping out in his sweatpants and rather tight grey shirt. A mug was held in his hand with a mountain scene painted on the side. He raised it towards Levi, stepping down and towards them as the dog bounded around excitedly. 

''Levi,'' Mike said. Levi brushed his fingers through his hair as the bigger man approached the fence. He and the other man hadn't had much communication between them, and neither of them had really ever tried to get to know each other either. But the two still cared about each other, if it was maybe begrudgingly. Nanaba decided instead to hop the fence to try to not fight the dog back, Mike leaning over and pushing his cheek towards her. She kissed his jaw gently and scratched at his facial hair before allowing her hand to slide across his chest and off of his bicep. The dog followed her into the home, leaving the men to speak. 

''Mike.'' Levi responded. ''How are you?"

''I'm good. I got well made coffee instead of that instant stuff, y'know? Tastes better.'' Mike raised his cup to his lips and took a sip. 

''Instant coffee is shit. What the hell were you thinking?"

''Not about much, apparently.'' 

He smirked and looked down at the ground with his hands on his hips, raising his eyes back up at the other man. 

''I can't wait to go to the bar.'' Mike said. He apparently wasn't much better with communicating with him as Levi was in return. There was something more in his words that he hadn't yet said. ''When I come back, I want to get to know you better.''

Levi watched him for a moment before giving a nod. 

''Sure. I wouldn't know what to do-'' Levi waved his hand around a bit before bringing it to his chest and pressing his fingers flat against the muscle there. ''I know you like nature, and trees... Dogs...''

''We can go rescue dogs together.''

He scratched his nose, nodding to Mike. 

''Nah. Just more time at the bar.''

''We have Friday night.''

Mike smiled, nodding. 

''You'll be here, right?" the bigger man asked. ''When we all get back?"

''I've got no where else to go, man. I'll still be right here, and waiting. Taking care of your dog.''

''Mind coming by to the house just to keep it clean for us too? There's a certain lemon thing we use on the windows, really gets it to flash-''

''Not a goddamn cleaning service.''

The bar was considerably empty for a Friday night, as if it was organized just for the group. Levi pushed the door open, bell jingling with his entrance as the manager looked up at him and waved. He was a regular face now in the bar, but hadn't yet known the managers name. The man pointed over, Levi's eyes skittering across the room to the friends that were at the booth, just in time to watch Hange turn over at the sound of the bell and smile at him. It was a tired smile, but they were obviously happy to be there. They reached over and hit something, blond head turning to look at Levi. 

His hair was still at its long length, behind his ear to look organized before he waved, the others joining him. Moblit came from the bathrooms, setting a hand on Levi's shoulder and leading him to the booth. 

''Thanks for organizing this,'' Moblit told him, removing his hand from his shoulder. ''We needed something like this but none of us made the effort.''

Levi nodded to him, patting his back as they approached the table. Hange pulled him to sit inbetween them and Erwin, Moblit pushing in as well on the one side. Levi was squashed, but shifted to a comfortable angle, to where he was being held by Hange and had a nice view of Erwin. A drink was pushed across the table to him, a White Russian, and he looked up at Mike's Sex on the Beach and Erwin's brandy. Moblit had something that was apparently a Saketini, Hange a Bronx Cocktail.

''Nanaba, what the hell is that?" Levi asked. Nana looked up, grinning. In her hand was brown tinted drink, more yellow at the top with green mint leaves stuffed at the bottom beneath the ice and more garnishing the top. 

''Mint Julep.'' Nanaba said, handing it over for him to try. He began to take a careful sip. ''Whiskey, water, mint.''

He coughed a bit into the back of his hand, some laughter coming from the others as he handed it back to her. Levi took a sip of his own drink to refresh himself, Hange's arm staying hooked over his shoulder. They slowly set their head against the back of his, Levi not making a fight against it. His eyes moved to theirs, seeing the dark amber aching towards the wooden table. Moblit reached across the table and took their hand, holding it in both of his. Mike had his arm around Nanaba, the smaller woman pushing into his side as much as she could. He adjusted how he held her, the woman nearly in his lap before he kissed her temple. The only one out of place was Erwin, with no one to hold or to hold him. 

Levi reached up to the blond and gripped him by the collar, bringing him down into his chest. The group was one massive cuddly hunk, holding each other. Erwin was tense before he moved his head around and placed it on Levi's shoulder, nose pressed into his collar bone. Not long ago, they were in a fight in the parking lot. Now they were cuddling, and the comfortably warm blond ontop of him was pushing his face further into Levi's chest in attempt to hide his expression. Levi raised his glass to his lips and took a sip of his drink, allowing it to wash across his tongue before sliding down his throat. 

A comfortable silence was shared within the group, giving them time to relax. Levi let his head fall back on Hange's, clearing his throat softly. Nanaba had pulled Moblit into her, Moblit still gripping onto Hange's hand, his knuckles nearly white.

 


	22. Chapter 22

It was cold. It was always cold. But today it was especially, January bleeding into February, his coat becoming frosted over in his trudge from the corner store back home, gripping the soup close in his arms. He'd worked so hard for it, having nabbed what he could that was worth something. Sold them at pawn shops and to the neighbors and others, cashed in cans. It was an adventure, he called it. 

Soup, medicine, and some bread rolls as well. They were the staler ones but he was warming them up on the side if the soup cup. He was careful enough not to break the styrofoam cup or jolt it enough to where the lid would come off, not wanting to spill it into the bottom of the bag. He looked up at the black and while lightpole that reached up into the grey clouds before quickening his pace around the corner and towards the white shingled house with cheap, metal roofing. He reached the snowy steps and reached up to the banister, raising one foot after the other up the steps before he reached up to the doorknob and turned it, allowing himself inside. 

The small heater beside the door reached his face and blew hot air to his face, shutting the door and twisting the lock shut before turning towards the rest of the house. He walked quietly, trudging through with snowy boots still on his feet across the stained floor and towards the bedrooms. The bedroom door always stayed shut unless he was in there as well, and now he had to feed her. His mother's health had begun to deteriorate over the past several months, beginning in the heat of summer and now coming to a painful near end in February. 

Cheekbones and forehead were sharper, her eyes were sunken and he could see his mother's chest beginning to sink alongside the shirt she wore resting over an achingly thin stomach. He sat down and removed his little scarf with his gloves, setting them aside before pulling his beanie off and unzipping his coat to drop it on the floor. He put the heaters to the first level of power, still cold before sitting on his feet and opening the bag. 

''I got food, Mama.'' he said, peering over at her. 

Levi pulled his eyes open, head resting on his clean, white pillow before he blinked towards the wall and turned his head to peer at the ceiling. He sat up slowly and propped himself up on one hand, rubbing his eyes with the other before checking the time. He had thirty minutes to get to his destination and had no clue how traffic would be. 

The time he was following was the one he gave himself, the one that he decided to follow. He had thirty minutes to get to the airport and say goodbye to his friends before they were transported in their deployment. Roxy, the boxer, was going to go inbetween the baby sitters; Levi and Erwin's father. 

He brushed his teeth and found his wallet, pushing it into his back pocket before moving across the house to his shoes. He didn't want to be late, and he also didn't want to have to waste the other's time in the airport. They had a destination to get to, as much as they visibly didn't want to arrive to. Levi brushed back his short hair and faced himself in the mirror, looking over the naturally sunken eyes, looking healthier than before before stepping out of the bathroom. 

The car was parked on the far side of the parking lot, away from the mess of cars trying to find their ways into spots and people rushing through to check in to their plane. Traffic had made him a few minutes early, giving him a short amount of time to cross the lot and get to the doors. He slipped through two cars in the drop-off space and through the sliding doors, squeezing in between two families before he found himself standing in the center of an echoey area. Voices seemed to slip past him, bodies doing the same, ringing in his ears as he turned to find where the blond and the rest of his friends were. 

He flowed past the rest of the blurs of bodies, craning himself around one individual before brushing through at the sight of a group of uniforms moving as one. The bodies as one moved continuously, Levi quickening his pace as they moved through the other groups before he spotted short shaven blond hair. 

''Erwin!" 

Blue eyes turned over a green and pale green pattered shoulder before a small smile crossed his face. He looked tired, and slightly scared, but removed that look from his eyes before he walked back towards him. The others waved to Levi but simply entered the next hall, Erwin turning back and approaching him. 

''What are you doing here?" the blond asked, Levi pushing his hands into his pockets. 

''I'm here to see you off,'' Levi answered. ''Thought you could... Do with seeing me?"

Erwin smiled. 

''You're right. I won't be seeing you for a few months.''

They shifted a bit, Erwin thumbing the strap across his shoulder before Levi spoke. 

''I don't like the sound of a few months.''

''Neither do I.''

_But it's inevitable._

''We can send letters.'' Erwin said. ''Keep in contact that way.''

''All the cliche shit?"

He grinned. 

''All the cliche shit.''

''Then I'll make sure to send you letters as much as I can.''

''I know the restaurant is pressuring, so don't worry lots about it. I also don't know exactly where I'll be deployed, or how long. Letters might not even arrive in time.''

''I had that issue too, I understand. But try to keep up with the cliche shit.'

''I'll keep up with it, Levi. I won't give you complete silence.''

Levi nodded, Erwin reaching out and bringing him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, the smaller man slipping his arms around the other's waist, bumping the other's sack. They held each other for a long moment, Erwin's grip becoming tighter slowly before they both reluctantly moved away. 

''I'll keep in contact.''

He patted the other's arm, pulling back and allowing the blond to slide his hand off his shoulder before stepping away and waving, exiting down the hall with a quick turn of his head. Levi waved in return, watching him disappear around the corner before lifting his hand to his eye to wipe it quickly. 

His mother was strained and exhausted, her breathing had become more rationed. He wished the soup would heal her, but it kept her full when she couldn't eat anything more. Levi popped the lid off and ripped some of the bread off, showing it to her. 

''Mama.'' he said. 

Unfortunately, she didn't answer. She didn't answer for the next several hours, and a young Levi, even if he was around four understood why she wouldn't answer. He still waited though, just in case she opened her eyes and ate with him. He took a small bite of the bread and drank some of the soup while it was still hot. He left half of each for his mother, ignoring it as flies found their way in and when hunger began to ache. He curled up to her and ignored anything else, whether the light tried to come in or if the cold began to get to him. Levi was startled awake when he heard steps inside the house, adrenaline pumping and his pulse being heard loudly in his ears. 

An intruder. 

His mother never taught him what to do in case of an intruder. He didn't raise his head, simply flicked his eyes around the room and watched the door with the light underneath it coming in. He could hear the steps moving around the living room, the bathroom door creaking open. The door needed oiling. Steps approached the door from the other side of the house, coming towards the bedroom. They paused directly in front, Levi's eyes widening as the doorknob turned and it opened in slowly. A tall, wide shouldered figure stepped inside. 

''Kuchel? Kuchel, where are you?" 

Levi remembered the voice but couldn't apply a face to it until the light was flicked on. The man had narrowed cheekbones with wrinkled cheeks and a forehead lined as well, facial hair growing on his chin. His dark hair, greased, reached his shoulders where it waved out, surprised eyes turning to the small boy resting his head on his mother's bosom. The same eyes calmed, man sighing before stepping further into the room. 

He moved past Levi and placed his hand on his sisters neck, lifting his hand to her eyes and pulling an eyelid open. Her mouth was becoming sunken alongside the rest of her face, if that wasn't enough of a clue to him that she was no longer alive, and hadn't been for a long time. The only clue given to the grown man that Levi was alive was that his eyes followed him everywhere he went. Levi wanted to pull him off his mother, make him stop touching her but he did it with care in his touch. 

The man turned his eyes to him and Levi stared up at him, unable to move under his uncle's stare before a warm hand touched his shoulders and pulled him to sit up, Kenny leaning back on his heels and bringing Levi into his chest. The coat he wore was wrapped around the boy and buttoned up around him, the boy wrapped in pure warmth before the man stood, supporting Levi with an arm under his thighs. Kenny didn't speak, and Levi didn't speak in return, his hair fluttering over his eyes as he rested his head against the man's collarbones. 

He was carried outside, snow now sludge but the wind still biting and cold. Levi heard a door open, the man that carried him setting him on the passenger seat of the car and reaching over to turn the car on and flick the heating on. He wrapped his arms around himself slowly, raising his eyes to the man that brought him to the car before he watched Kenny open the glovebox up and find some crackers inside. 

''Remember me at all, kid?" Kenny asked, opening the plastic wrapping up, glancing to Levi momentarily. ''I'm your mama's brother.''

Levi nodded hesitantly, the crackers and cheese being held up to him before Kenny began to feed him himself.

''You don't mind having this right now, do you?" Kenny asked. ''All I got anyways.''

Levi simply opened his mouth for some of the crackers. Kenny helped him eat, looking up and down what was becoming his malnourished body before he sat back on his heels in the doorway and set the empty container of crackers aside. 

''How long were you in there with Kuchel?"

He didn't move, just kept watching the other man. He could see relation, harsher relation, in the other man's face to his mother, their eyes similar but Kenny took on the masculine look. His mother was so soft, carefree, like she was in a ballet. Kenny looked like he fell down the stage steps. Kenny frightened him, he had since Levi met him months before. 

The boy didn't speak anymore, as his fear took over and his mouth felt sealed shut. Flashing lights and many different bodies were later going in and out of his home, two coming out with a black bag on a gurney. Levi watched it all from the frosting windows, repeatedly having to raise his sleeve to the window to watch what his uncle was doing with the officers before he shook hands with one and nodded before all eyes moved back to the passenger side window. He lowered his head immediately. 

Levi gripped the steering wheel, looking forth as the radio continued on with its ads, hearing about beach events and the events of other places, including the winery. He let out a shallow breath, having to be back home by a certain time if he wanted to get to work on time for the evening shift. He pulled the gear back into drive and pulled from the spot on the emptier side of the lot, having made the fishy smelling walk from the airport back to his car after saying goodbye to Erwin. 

He wished he could have had longer time with him, with all of them, but the blond apparently seemed to be handling himself okay, the others he wasn't able to look at long enough to tell. A promise of constant communication could not be true, Erwin would be busy with his deployment too much to make time for letters. Levi ached, setting his hand to his chest with a gentle exhale before pulling himself onto the freeway, fading in and out of traffic. 

Back home he dropped himself on his couch for a thirty minute nap, giving himself thirty minutes after to shower, eat, dress and drive to work. He simply laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling, eyes lowering down to his toes, over the armrest and towards the trunk on the other side of the room. Levi rolled over onto his side, facing the couch cushions to hide his face. 

It was uncomfortably more difficult to stay focused that evening, arriving a few minutes late and only then tying his tie as he stepped through the threshold into the kitchen. Everything seemed to buzz and move around him though all he could do was stay in place. He felt that he was coming short of enough to give to work, even when he tried to focus as much as possible on the task at hand. A glass of water was spilled on the table, Levi taking fault for it, plate of food spilled, which Levi also took fault for. 

He was eventually taken to sit outside, shaking in the cold as the other talked his ear off as to why he was beginning to falter in his work. He already knew why, but explaining it to the other would be a waste of time. The managers in this establishment didn't truly care about their employees, unless the work was done. And the one night of messed up orders and faltered footsteps could cost him his job if he didn't get back on task. Instead he resolved the problem by being handed the sponge, directed towards the sink. With his sleeves rolled up, he began work on washing the never ending line of dishes that splashed into the soapy water. At the end of the night, when everyone was busy cleaning the tables and the chairs, getting the tablecloths organized and scrubbing the kitchen, he was paired with a mop in the bathrooms. 

Levi dropped the mop into the bucket with a splash, soft sigh following before he pulled it back out and smacked it onto the floor, leaning to get every corner of the bathroom floor and underneath the toilet bowls. One stall door in particular continuously kept bumping him, Levi having shut himself in by accident before slamming it open and working to clean the sinks. With the soap now washing down the drain, he turned the faucet off and carried the towel and wheeled the mop bucket back into the kitchen. 

 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Levi's five now, sitting on the plane and staring out the window for the past two hours. Kenny gets his bags down when they land and leads Levi through the strange airport. They came to California, unfortunately not for a fun vacation but instead his mother's funeral. She'd told him stories of the shore and how much she loved it, and the money to bury her more than two thousand miles away from her hometown had been gathered up to give her one last wish. 

He's following Kenny through the airport, excited about the doors beyond before he's yanked rather harshly to stay at the older man's side. Levi does as he's ordered, coming close to the other's side. They stay at a rather nice hotel, the boy sitting on the bed and turning on the television. He loved the drive from the airport, up on the freeway to overlook the sea. 

Now, he's following the route from the parking lot with flowers in his hand, the monthly anniversary of his mother's death. They're not expensive, he picked them out of the neighbor's garden, some bright orange flowers that were rather pretty. The pathway still rounds up to the furthest corner of the graveyard, what looks like miles away from the road. He always parks his car a far distance away, like he wants to respect the dead by walking with them instead of driving his car through. 

Levi sees the headstone finally in the grounds of the Old Missionary Cemetery, holding the green stems harder in the palms of his hands. He brings them up to the stone and places them down carefully, picking up the vile, old ones that had wilted. He sits down and starts talking.

He talks about the groups departure, explains to her how scared it makes him before dropping his head with the realization that she won't be able to hear him. Levi's a man that's working as a waiter and crying about his friends having to go. This isn't something she'd be proud of and he's feeling disappointed in himself. Levi pushes himself to stand, only having spent half the amount of time he would usually but he's got to get home. He still needs to work that evening and as much as he wants to get to Petra's class, he can't. He needs to make an income now and he hasn't for the past year and a half.

Kenny's not responding to the school calls and he's still stuck in the office. He's thirteen, got in his first real fight and his jaw is aching. He's not letting the tears get through but he's thankful for the ice pack given by the nurse. She's the one woman who really knows his past, and he doesn't care why. Finally the man trying to get connection to Kenny is speaking and his eyes are turning to Levi as he speaks his name. 

Levi's scared and his jaw still hurts. 

He's being taken home early and the front office door swings open to reveal Kenny. He's got on his work top which reveals his arms up to his shoulders, showing the tattoos he had etched on with his jeans dirtied. He got called in the middle of work. He's not going to be happy. 

Kenny adjusts his hat as he stares at Levi. Levi's giving the ice pack back and scooping up his bag. He didn't even notice that he'd dropped it and kicked it under the chair the moment Kenny walked in through the door until the nurse was stepping out from her office. Levi pulls the strap on over his shoulder and steps around the front desk to get to Kenny. The older man is still watching him before he takes the pen from the woman at the desk and begins to sign Levi out of school.

''I think you should really watch that boy.''

It's the woman speaking. Kenny doesn't respond, just raising his eyebrows a bit as he finishes his signature off and writes down the time of departure. Then his eyes move up to her face and he sets the pen down on the clipboard. He's maneuvering Levi out the door and it shuts behind them. The air is cool as it hits Levi's face. 

Kenny doesn't look particularly happy and even the hair on his face is sagging. They walk to the truck and Levi climbs in, putting his bag between his legs in the footwell. His uncle climbs in and starts it up. 

''Seatbelt.''

He glances up before pulling it across his chest and buckles himself in. Kenny doesn't follow. The other man just adjusts how he's sitting and turns the steering wheel. Soon he's talking again.

''What happened?" Kenny asks. Levi's directing his eyes straight out the windshield but eventually turns them to the bigger man. Kenny turns his head to him. ''Hm?"

He's reluctant but he speaks. 

''They were talking shit.''

''Don't use that language, Levi.'' Kenny speaks with a strong force. ''You're thirteen, you don't have the right to talk like that around any adult. Talk like that around your friends but don't be found out. I have responsibilities pertaining to you, kid.''

Levi's jaw is aching with how much he's clenching it. He turns his eyes away. 

''Why didn't you come to my mom's aid when you first caught wind that she was sick?"

It's Kenny's turn to roll out silence. Levi hurts but he looks at the other man. Kenny's lost in his own thoughts and he can see his adam's apple roll in his throat. He clicks his tongue and sighs softly before speaking. 

''I found out through a mutual friend that your mom was ill. Raising my young nephew by herself out in Centreville. I was all over the country, trying to get jobs with the oil rigs and didn't have the capabilities to get back to you or your mother. When I did I... I had to say goodbye to my sister.''

He's staring at Kenny with a hurtful look in his eyes but he understands. He understands that Kenny is a far harder worker than Levi would care to admit. He's got a full time job as a mechanic down at the garage and doesn't have time to be picking Levi up from fist fights at school. Levi did it so Kenny would be proud, but he just looks... Tired. 

''What were the other kids 'talking shit' about?" the older man asks.

"They keep saying I'm an orphan,'' Levi speaks quietly. ''Kept saying my mother was a whore. That the Ackermans are nothing but lazy, low class assholes feeding off of the military for a name.''

Kenny isn't angry. Kenny doesn't show frustration. He does show an immense amount of pride. 

''The Ackermans. We aren't lazy, understood?" Levi nods. ''We're not low class assholes. You fought for your family name, and as much as any respected parent would be grounding your ass right now, I'm proud. But that doesn't mean you're not in trouble. Just means that you're not seeing that Church kid for the next week, alright?"

''Can I call him?"

''No.''

"Can I send him letters?"

''No, Levi.''

''Smoke signals?"

'' **Levi**.''

He quiets down and turns his head back to the window. He's smiling instead with a loose tooth at the back of his mouth.

He's smiling now with Petra blabbering on in front of him. Levi came by with beers for he and her to split, both needing to talk and get things out. But she's joking around with him. Oluo's actual birthday is coming up but nothing was said about it in the past week. The couple were probably planning something more _private_ for the occasion. He can hear a door shut before Oluo's waving from behind the glass door, his box of utilities in hand. 

Petra waves him outside and Levi sips his drink from its amber bottle before shaking hands with the other man. Oluo kisses his wife's cheek and sits beside her, wrapping his arms around her for warmth. 

''It's cold out here.'' he says, raising his eyes to Levi before back to Petra's hand. 

''Get a coat.'' Petra tells him. ''Or a blanket.''

Oluo wants to whine but kisses her ear instead before standing and leaving the other two alone. Petra smiles and excuses herself from the table, leaving Levi outside by himself. He turns his eyes to the sunset beyond him, hearing a seagull squawking before the door opens again. Oluo's stepping back out with a jacket over his arms and shuffles over to the table. He's taking his seat again, raising his eyes to Levi. 

''How's work?" Oluo asks him. He shrugs as Oluo opens his beer and leans back. Oluo sighs. ''Me too. I've got a stack of papers from all these different companies asking for me to inform others on their opening positions. That isn't my job. It's to fix and maintain fire alarms.''

Levi swirls his beer around in his mouth before he swallows it. 

''What kind of jobs?" he knew he couldn't be a waiter forever. Oluo shrugs. 

''Fuck. I don't know. Half the places I work for are schools, apartment complex managers and boring office jobs with those ugly, depressing grey cubicles. There's a reposession headquarters, a surf shop I help locally. Uhh... Repo place doesn't seem like hell to work in. Thats about it. Boring, everyday jobs if you cut out repo.''

Levi could work repo if he wanted. But he just hums and takes another swig of his drink. 

He's going home not long after. Erwin's father is in constant contact with him. The two are taking care of each other without really noticing it. For right now, Levi is Erwin's replacement. No, he's a friend. A picture of Roxy comes in on his phone, a hand resting on her back. She looks cute asleep. Erwin's father says she snores. Levi's taking care of her for the next week once this coming Wednesday passes. Week long shifts that neither of them truly mind. 

Roxy doesn't do much apparently. Walks are well needed, even if she makes a mess of her food she eats all of it before she can be scolded. Cuddles must be given at random times. Pet her head. Make sure she's got her blanket and at least one of her toys. But by the fourth day of Nanaba and Mike being deployed, she was beginning to whine and was uncomfortable. Apparently it took Smith three hours to get her to lay her head on his lap.

It's Friday now, and Levi is missing the ability to message Erwin. He wants to go by the bar with hopes that Erwin would be there. But he's deployed in a strange country with a reason and a plan having to be formed. 

Erwin's trudging forward with the others. It's dark, they can hear crickets surrounding them in the field. It's open, its simple to get them. His eyes are running over everything he can't see, he's hot and the uniform is pulling him down. His hands are heavy on the gun he's holding to his chest. Having Mike in the corner of his eye helps. They're moving from location to location, but they can only do it in the dark. Mike and Hange have the night vision, the other three are assuming their way forth. 

And he wants to see Levi. 

It's Friday back home still.

It rolls around to Saturday, Levi's rubbing his eyes. Works pulling him down and he knows he won't be able to last as a waiter for much longer. He needed something else to do, something with at least a source of excitement. He enjoyed Petra's dance class but his knee. Fucking knee injury. 

Levi stopped by the broad wooden dining table and set his hand upon it. He turned his eyes to the surface of the unpolished, brash wood and let them roll over to the trunk in the corner of the room. He rolled his head back and let out a harsh sigh. It was too cold and late to go and visit his mother.

Kenny never contacted him. Kenny never fucking tried after he got rid of Levi. Probably fucked off with that blond headed dick called Uri. Uri wasn't a bad man, as far as Levi could properly tell. Uri was Kenny's friend, he wasn't a criminal. In that big black trunk, he probably had a photo of the two together as well. Before Kenny started growing his chin strap shit out and before Kuchel ever got pregnant. 

He typed a message out to Oluo about the job offers before changing out to his work uniform. His phone was slipped into his pocket and he left the house behind, speeding through traffic. A glare was sent his way when he arrived late, the first time he did it in the past two months of working at the restaurant. Levi grabbed what he needed but was pulled back into the kitchen. Back to washing dishes. Pressure was building on him all through work and he was beginning to get tunnel vision halfway through his shift. He had to shut his eyes for a moment before continuing. A plate was dropped by him at some point and Levi was quick to take the blame. 

A questioning look was given in his direction as he swept the pieces up and tossed them out round the back in the bin. The rest of the hours were worked hard, and he did his shifts for the next three weeks until he came home late one night. Erwin's father went on a short road trip with Roxy, giving Levi cover for this late night. He stumbled through the door in exhaustion and overloading emotions. His apron was thrown on the couch and he kicked his shoes off. The tie around his neck was thrown aside and he angrily pulled his shirt from its untucked position before stopping and catching his breath at the dining table.

The trunk held a weight even from this distance. 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

The shoes were too big. Levi raised his eyes to his uncle and back down to the size eleven shoes before he once more looked at his uncle. Kenny waited with his chin in his hand, eyes flicking from the shoes in Levi's grasp back up to the boy's face. 

Levi was fourteen, only had one growth spurt in the past year and that was only an inch more. Apparently that meant to Kenny that Levi's shoe size had nearly doubled since last time Kenny had to buy him shoes. They were nice ones, too, formal shoes that he wouldn't have any use but it was a _thought_ from Kenny. Kenny waited and tension grew on his end. The price tag wasn't on the shoes any more but the white string holding them together hadn't been cut yet. Levi knew that Kenny bought them for him. He kicked his tennis shoes off and leaned down, pulling the shoes on. He tied the laces and stood up, showing them to Kenny. 

The expression on his uncle's face was enough to hurt his feelings. Kenny knew he messed up on shoe sizes and reached over to grab one of Levi's tennis shoes for comparison. His uncle let out a long sigh and looked up at Levi, actually smiling. 

''Whoops,'' he said. Levi's brows raised as Kenny chuckled a bit and patted Levi's arm. ''Bit big, aren't they?"

Levi looked down at the shoes on his feet and began to smile. 

''Nearly twice the size than I wear, Kenny.''

Kenny just chuckles again and stands.

''We'll return them. Get you something that actually fits you. You said you needed a nice coat, didn't you?"

Those shoes still sat in his home with him to the present day. 

Levi had pulled the trunk from its corner and dropped it on the carpet in his living room. He fell to his knees with his palms pressed against the metal frame and imprinted his hand on the dust. His eyes watched the locks before he gave in, unlatching the trunk and hooking his fingers under them. Levi's eyes fluttered shut before he heaved it open, looking inside. First, his uniform and his medals sat on top, his medal of honor still hooked around it sleek, black support. Levi reached in and ran his hand over it, over the sewn patches and the breast pocket before he picked his cap out. Levi turned it over in his hand, feeling a great weight come from a simple fabric. 

He was lifting the uniform out, followed by the medals and his shoes before they sat beside him, organized. Levi was still against looking any further inside from the shell but he began.

''Did you really get size elevens?"

''Shut up.'' 

They're walking back from school together, Levi adjusting the red straps that hung over his shoulders. The other is laughing, practically skipping next to Levi as he hops around with him. Farlan's got a lot of energy that day, and its all from taking the piss out of his friend. Farlan opens his mouth to speak again but begins laughing. 

''It was two years ago, Church.''

Farlan coughs and nods. 

''You're right, you're right. Its just stupid.''

Levi shoves Farlan to the side and his friend stumbles and launches into the fence as laughter escapes him. Levi ignores the ringing of the metal and the laughter coming from his friend as he rounds the corner. Farlan catches up and they stop at the outskirts of the next campus, watching the cars pick the students up. 

''Where's Bel?" Farlan asks. He's as clueless as Levi as to where Isabel was. They're both scanning the crowd. By this time she'd be waiting by the fence, telling them off for taking so long but instead they can do it to her. Levi spots that unmistakable shade of hair the same time Farlan does and he feels his shoulders loosen up. 

Isabel comes around the corner, shoving her way through to get to the boys.

''Uh oh,'' was there an emotion for uh oh? Levi felt it as Farlan spoke it. ''She didn't have a good day.''

She never seemed to have a good day at the Catholic school her parents sent her to before they started Freshman year. Two years of hell, she called it, and Levi just shook his head each time she said it. She's forced to wear the ugly flannel skirt with the white shirt, vest, and black blazer. Isabel is picking at the pantyhose and she's itching to get out of the shoes she's wearing. Her eyes lift to the other two and she relaxes, Farlan and Levi raising their hands to wave to her. 

''How was school?" Levi asks as she arrives. Isabel punches his arm and sticks a lollipop in her mouth. 

''Hell.'' she responds.

''Isn't that a work of irony?" Farlan asks. The two are jogging to keep up with her as she storms down the sidewalk, slowing once they reach a safe distance away from the school and into the depths of the next door neighborhood. 

''Can't believe my parents pulled me away from you two for _that_!'' this conversation always continues until someone is brave enough to bring a different topic in for them to discuss, but Farlan throws something in. 

''Start of Spring break!"

''Cold.'' Levi responds. Isabel's a second too late to say it. She's hooking her arms over their shoulders as they walk down the sidewalk as one. The other two begin their conversation as Levi takes a vow of silence. She jolts him half way through the neighborhood. 

''Why are you so quiet?"

He peers down at the ground in refusal to speak. They stay at Farlan's for the next few hours, doing homework, eating snacks. The other two are trying to get an answer out of Levi as he's laying across Farlan's bed with his head uncomfortably leaning against the wall. They keep poking at him and asking for an answer before he finally speaks. 

''My uncle wants me to join the military and I won't have any way around it.''

Levi hates how the scratching of pen and pencil stops immediately but they're not staring at him. At least he's really only got one pair of bright eyes wide and staring him down. Isabel's frightened for him, Farlan is too and Farlan's staring him in the face as she stares down at her paper. Their silence continues for a moment longer before the desk chair creaks with the other young man's body weight and Farlan lets out a breath. 

''Shit.'' Isabel says. 

She turns and looks at him as well. 

''What are you going to do?"

Levi raises his hands and sits up. 

''What the fuck else _can_ I do? A sports scholarship isn't going to change his mind, Bel. My grandfather was a general, my uncle was infantry and damn well has got the tattoos and the scars to prove it. I'm supposed to lead some chain of respected, male soldiers in my family and end up raising a son of my own to go blindly into a war where some old man makes money off of the death of young men.''

''You're really making this better sounding for yourself, aren't you?" Farlan asks blandly.

''It's some sort of prophecy, fate, bullshit that I've got to deal with just so I can get fucking killed and murder someone else.''

''Optimistic.'' Farlan continues having a separate conversation with himself before Levi looks at him with angered, wide eyes. Isabel begins speaking as Farlan meets the glare head on and simply sips his soda. 

''A sports scholarship, that is something to be put to good use, Levi. He can ignore the military, you can make him believe it.'' she says. She's bringing up things that any other parental guardian would believe but Levi refused to let her really get to know Kenny. ''And even if you're forced to go into the military, I'll go with you.''

''Fuck no!" he responds. He stands up immediately and she's standing as well. 

''Don't think that I won't follow you into the military, Levi!" she responds, jabbing her finger at him. 

''You're not coming with me to come and fucking die, Isabel!" he states. He's raising his voice and pointing his finger at her in return. 

''We're best fucking friends. You're my big brother and I am **not** going to let you go into it alone!"

Farlan's pulling her back by the collar of her shirt and pressing his hand firmly into Levi's chest to give them some space from each other. He keeps his cool when these two lose their tempers with each other. 

''My parents are downstairs.'' Farlan says softly. He gives a soft push to Levi and he drops to the bed, head in his hands. Isabel won't back down but Farlan gets her to sit back down in his desk chair. He stays standing. ''No one's dying, no one's going into the military. We're talking. Like adults. Adults don't scream, yell, throw and shove things off tables.''

''I need a cigarette.'' Isabel says.

''No one's smoking.'' Levi makes a clear point and she sinks back into the desk chair with a strong glare. He raised his head just enough to glare through his black hair. 

Farlan's got his arms crossed and his standing between them, taking the parental role of the group. 

''Now,'' he says, tracking his thoughts. ''There's more to the military than blindly going into the firefight hoping you've still got the skills they taught you vivid enough in your mind.''

He pulls the photo out of when he first closely cut his hair. When it was this mohawk trying to form on his head and how much trouble he got into on his first day there. Farlan had a similar cut and Isabel had kept hers the length it was. Levi and Farlan squashed her in the middle, rucksacks over their shoulders and uniforms on with pride. At least as much pride as Levi could feel in that moment. Kenny had gotten a camera out in a rush and made them stare into the sun so he could get a good photo. His shadow didn't cast over anyone, it was rather pristine besides the three squinting at the lens. Levi never wanted them to join the military, but they followed him in anyways.

He's got some other items from the Air Force in his trunk, some notes on his behavior, some notes on Isabel and Farlan's behavior as well. It's filled with letters, pictures, random objects he kept as belongings, but most of all it was filled with memories of his best friends. He's got a bracelet and a necklace in there that the other two had made for each other in eighth grade. Levi rubs his eyes and holds the cheap beaded jewelry in his hand. He's only doing this because he's afraid of the military again. Of what it can do to decent human beings in the world. What could become of his new found friends and the man he trusts deeply. He's got no other reason to be so wound up over the things in the trunk, to be holding on to them so tightly. 

Levi's afraid the others will die in the course of the next several months while deployed on their missions. 

The trunks open for that sole purpose and he's thinking back on high school while divulging deep back into his past, panicking about something that may or may not happen. He finds a photo of he and Kenny the day before his day of deployment. Kenny's got his hand on Levi's shoulder, Levi's less than pleased in the photo but he notices that Kenny, he isn't far from his own disappointment in the photo either. He's... Regretful, and has a flare of sadness in his eyes.

Kenny never wanted to send Levi off to the military. 

He turns the photograph over and finds a number scrawled on the back, some parts retraced where the pen must have been losing ink. It's got a second number beneath that. It's a number to contact Kenny and to contact Uri.  He stares down at it before tossing it aside, digging deeper. He wants the photos and items at the bottom. Those are why he's digging inside, why he's ripping his heart in half. He wants a look back on nicer times to ignore his fears. 

It's a rather run down place but Kenny decided to bring him here, through the back and seat him. He came back with food and a beer for himself, pushing the food closer to Levi from where he sat. Levi just stares at it, raises his glare to the man he has to call his uncle and doesn't move his eyes away. Kenny's staring in return and rolls his eyes, setting his drink on the table.

''Do you have to stare at me like that, Levi?" he asks. 

Yes, he does. 

Kenny cleans the taste of beer off of his lips before he shrugs his coat off, tattooed arms revealing themselves and setting on the table comfortably. He reaches for a chip and pops it in his mouth, looking over his shoulder to the rest of the diner. Kenny's eyes turn back to Levi. 

''Hate me now, kid?" he asks. ''Want to rip my heart out with my throat?"

He's not responding. His ears are cold. Kenny sighs and rubs his nose with the back of his hand. 

''I took the responsibility of raising you, knowing that no one else would.''

''Someone else wouldn't have forced me into the military.''

The expression Kenny made was close to pain but he shakes his head to rid of his feeling, pressing his hands flat into the surface of the table. He leans forth and stares at him, letting out a scraggly breath.

''I'm not forcing you-''

Levi's fist hits the table and a few conversations end as he stands up. 

''Then what the fuck is this, Kenny?" he asks. ''Some drafting I don't know about? Or you just being fucking ignorant!?"

He's raising his hands to quiet Levi. At this point, its simply music playing and the sound of burgers frying in the back. Levi smacks Kenny's hand away and turns away, stomping out of the diner. Every pair of eyes are on him. He's half hoping that Kenny's following him out into the cold.

Grey eyes turn over his shoulder and look back to light of the diner. No one's moving to come get him. 

Levi faces the road again and wipes his eyes quickly. It's the harshness of reality that the eighteen year old Levi doesn't like. But soon, he's going to have enough things to not like that won't even be close to what he feels in that moment out in the frost.

 


	25. Chapter 25

''All of our training's lead up to this!" 

Of course Isabel's highly excited about their first flight mission. It's going in and grabbing some people. Levi was going to be pilot, the other two were on the ground floor. He lets out an unsteady breath and turns the corner into the hangar. Farlan runs into them with how suddenly they stop. They'd never been on an actual mission, just trainings. 

Levi looks over his shoulder and Farlan meets his eyes before he's checking for the rest of their squadron. They're jogging up with their guns and their things and Levi's soon climbing in. Isabel is co-pilot, Farlan is perched in the back with the others. He's getting them out of the hangar and swing them out from the base, heading in the direction of their target. 

''Private Ackerman?" a voice crackled in. 

''Heading to it now, sir.''

He wakes up holding things to his chest. The rest of the items that were in the chest were strewn across the floor, sun reflecting off of them. Levi hears his spine pop in several places as he rolls over and sits up, looking around. What he held to his chest was one of the few photos he had with his mother. The photo of Kenny stares him in the face and he turns it over, then begins frantically turning over every photo to find which one had the numbers on it. He finds it and holds it, hand shaking. 

Levi finds his cellphone and gets to the dialpad. He holds it in his hand before putting in the first number with Uri's signature. Once its typed in he's pressing the phone against his ear and sitting slumped against the foot of the couch. Rings once. Rings twice. Rings three times before it picks up.

''Hello?"

They're dropping themselves out of the chopper and back onto the ground. Levi's flicking everything off and climbing out after them. Isabel's pleased beside him, Farlan's helping the soldier they went in to get away from the helicopter and to the gurney approaching them. He turns back around and smiles. 

''We got him.''

''But is he going to live?" Levi asks. 

Farlan looks back over to the man on the gurney as he's wheeled away, Levi reaching his shoulder. Isabel is on Farlan's other side. 

''I don't know.'' Farlan responds. ''Can't say he's going to be the same man afterwards.''

Levi's shocked that someone has picked up the phone on the other line. He stammers and collects himself before properly speaking. 

''Hello.'' he responds. "I found this number on the back of a photograph... I'm not sure if this is who I think it is.''

''...Levi?"

His eyes flick up to the television. 

''Uri?"

There's a relieved sigh on the other line. 

''You're alive? You're well? How are you, kid?"

''I'm... I'm alive.'' he responds, sitting back and running his fingers through his hair. ''I didn't know that this photo had your number on it until I went through it last night.''

Uri chuckles softly. 

''Don't worry about it. We only put our numbers on the back in hopes that you'd call eventually. Neither of us guessed that you'd stay in Illinois to pursue your life. Where are you now, huh? We miss you.''

''California beach side town.''

Uri practically purrs on the other line. 

''Sounds beautiful.''

''It is. It's uh-'' he pushes himself to stand. ''It's where mom was buried.''

''Went to live close to momma? Well that's alright. I understand your feelings there. You know, we caught wind that you were rewarded a medal of honor before we were given silence. That was the last your uncle or I heard about you. You doing well? Making a good life for yourself over in Cali?"

Levi opens the blinds. The sky is blue but he knows the wind is cold. 

''I'm trying.'' he responds. It's breathless and shows his fear. ''I'm trying as much as I can.''

''Trying is all a person can do, Levi.'' he must have forgot how much he missed that voice speaking his name softly. ''Now you listen to me, alright?"

''I'm listening.''

''I'll call you back at around five my time, okay?"

He checks the time. It's nine his time, eleven Uri's.

''Okay.''

''That's when your uncle can speak with you too.''

''Uri I called just you for a reason.''

''He's your blood related uncle, got it?"

''Yeah...''

''There was never a day that man hated you or had ill feelings towards you, got it?"

''Now I do.'' Levi's eyes are burning and his nose is tingling. He's holding back his tears.

''Good. Look, kiddo, we can have as long as a conversation as you'd like. Update us both on everything and trust me, our ears will be open to all that you've got to say.''

He's pushing his palm into his eye. 

''Okay.''

''Good. Talk to you soon, Levi.''

''Bye, Uri.''

''Bye bye now.''

He looks down at his phone after the call ends. Levi sets Uri as one of his contacts and takes a picture of the photo of Uri as his contact photo before he sits back down on the floor, on his heels. Levi's quick to organizing certain things. Several photos and items are left out. He's finding his keys and cleaning himself up before he's heading to the store. He finds frames. If they fit the photo enough, he's buying them. Levi reaches his home again and slips the photographs in the frames. 

Levi looks up to the mantel and sets the pictures above it. He pulls the necklace on over his head and lets it hit his collar bones. He stares at the photograph of Isabel, Farlan and himself. His focus fades from the photograph to the reflection of himself in the glass. He's aged, but thats to be expected. He could make something of himself and stop pitying and hating himself instead.

He's on the phone with Oluo not long after, making himself breakfast with the call on speakerphone. They make a plan to get the work offers to Levi before he's calling the restaurant manager and quitting. 

''There needs to be a two week notice, Levi.''

He glances to the screen and stops what he's doing for a moment. 

''I quit.''

''I understand but-''

He ends the call and searches for a specific artist before pressing his thumb on the title. Santana was a hit between he and the other two. Levi hadn't listened to it since they were deployed. He let out a breath. Levi refused from now on to let that wall between he and his emotions to take control. He was taking steps forward. 

Levi managed to grin while listening to Santana, looking through the blinds at the house behind his, just past the fence. He scooped the bacon and eggs onto the plate and turned from the kitchen, grabbing his music and stepping through the living room. The thought of Erwin and the others possibly dying still itched at the back of his mind but he didn't let it get to him. They would live, they were strong. They were trained special forces. Most of all, they were all stubborn. 

He began to feel that he was being a bit _too_ bold that day, with quitting his job and everything but Petra had kept telling him to change his life. This was it. Quitting his job and fucking himself over, this was the new him. He's begrudging to wait until three, but a message comes in from Uri, giving him an address to Skype. Kenny wants to Skype. He doesn't know how well he can handle looking them both in the face, especially after a few years. Levi does remember Kenny shaving his face before Levi left for the military, but he must be looking different now.

Petra's called quickly and she picks up fast. 

''Levi? What's going on?" she asks. 

''I found Kenny's number.'' he says. ''He wants me to Skype him.''

''How long has it been since you've seen his face?"

''Years...''

''I don't think he'd want to Skype if he didn't want to see your face.''

''I know.'' he responds. ''I know...''

They've reached the first place of contact. They hadn't been seen somehow the entire time the previous night. Erwin's got Hange and Nanaba on the roof, they're safe. Moblit's running ammo, Mike's watching the left side and Erwin's got right. So far their targets had only been seen on the left but he wants to be sure. One wrong assumption and there's a high chance of everyone in the squadron dying. 

Mike comes up to his side, Erwin looks over at him as Mike adjusts his helmet. 

''Just got radioed in,'' he tells the commander of the squadron. ''We've got back-up coming our way. They're half an hour out. We keep this base safe, they can cover us the rest of the way to our next position.''

Erwin nods and adjusts the straps on his shoulders before looking back around the corner. 

''Erwin,'' Mike says. He doesn't pull his eyes away. 

''What?"

''Nanaba hasn't seen anything.'' he says. ''We're safe.''

There's the sound of gunfire. A string of it. Erwin can't predict how far away it is but he's keeping his eyes focused on the last place he saw any movement.

''I'm not giving myself time to make assumptions.''

Another squadron arrives. Moblit's the one beckoning them in, getting them in place. Shifts are given for the first squadron to get some sleep. Erwin's still staying on the right side of the plot of land, making sure that there is at least someone positioned in his place. But he wakes up to gunfire. Erwin's pulling the goggles on as he stands up, stepping out into the blistering sun. Moblit's already positioned at one wall and waves Erwin over.

''Gunfire coming from the East and South.'' he explains. ''We've seen movement beyond these trees here,'' he motions. ''And that building there.''

The blond nods, looking over his shoulder for the others.

''I want two on this side at all times. Someone on the roof. I want eyes all around.''

Moblit nods, standing and jogging away. Erwin's crouching and looking around the wall, trying to see if there was any movement he could distinguish. There's nothing, but he hears more gunfire ring out. Someone that he doesn't know is jogging to his side, getting on the other corner of the wall. His helmet is smacked onto his head and he straps it on, turning himself around the corner again and shooting. 

Someone's darting away from it quickly. He hears the radio cackling, a voice from base coming in but all he can track is RPG. Erwin realizes that where he's sitting is a line of fire for the younger man behind him and he turns away and motions to him.

''Alright hey,'' he says, catching the other's attention. ''What I'm gonna do is go over to where you're standing and lay suppresive fire. When you turn that corner, I gotta stop shooting. You tell me when you're ready.''

They trade positions and Erwin begins. The other motions and turns the corner, aiming and firing before rolling back and he starts again. 

''Alright go back!" he yells. The other turns back in time to not get a bullet in his knee. Erwin lets out a breath and takes better cover where the others are, trying to get back into contact with base as hell breaks out around them.

It's three. Levi's staring at the time on his phone until the screen flicks to black and raises his eyes to his computer. He runs his thumb over the space bar, thinking about what situation his friends must be in before Levi begins the call. He's so fucking scared. It rings once or twice before the screen flickers. His eyes are widening, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears before suddenly there's a pair of big blue eyes looking at him. 

Uri.

Uri's smiling. 

''Levi.'' he says, breathless with surprise. ''Look at you! A grown man!"

''Eh?" he hears. ''Move over, I wanna see.'' Uri's elbowed to the side before a wrinkled face pops in, dark hair growing on his face. He notices the streaks of grey on the chin.

''Kenny,'' Levi says. The two are looking over each others faces before Levi grins. ''You look fucking ugly.''

''Good thing you're related to me.'' Kenny responds. His hairline is receding but he's still holding onto his black mullet. Possibly for good luck. ''You look like... You look like your mother.''

Uri's left the two alone to speak a moment with each other. They're both struggling to find the words to tell each other, Levi's hurting to want to explain to one of the few parental figures in his life about the past few years. 

''Coming from the Northwest.'' someone says. 

Erwin nods. He's in a safe zone behind the wall. Thing is, the enemy has an RPG and everyone, including civilians, are huddled together behind walls in large groups. He doesn't want to have to spread family out and around the little establishment but he doesn't want to get them all killed. The blond looks around at the rest of the group and nods. 

''We'll have to regress.'' he says to the other. Erwin turns and looks towards the soldiers on the far wall. ''You three, you're last men out, got it?"

They respond with mixed ''yes sir''s and nods before the few civilians and soldiers out. They've got people from the other side with them that have decided to help and altogether now there's an amount of twenty people standing and yelling orders to each other in the compound. If he wants them alive, they've got to go back. 

Everyone's moving from one side of the compound to the other. Mainly gathered by the exit. He's going to have to move all these people fast. Nanaba slips off from the rooftop and catches her bag, thrown down by Hange. Mike's on the other side of the compound with the other two unknown soldiers and Moblit's still situated and shooting by the only exit. Hange falls to the ground and lands on their feet, swinging their bag up on their shoulders and re-loading their gun. 

''Who's got a smoke?" Erwin yells. Someone's tossing it to him and he catches it. They're going to need it for cover. He looks back to his three soldiers on the other wall of the compound and raises his hand. ''Z, move back, come to me!"

The three are moving quickly, Mike taking last place to get them to go forth. They jog up the side of the wall and Mike's pushing one along to quicken the pace. Hange's lifting a bag to him.

''Throw this back on.'' they tell him. He's got two bags on his shoulders but he doesn't care. He and Hange move across the compound to where everyone else is gathering to move. Erwin takes his time to do a headcount before he notices how Mike grabs for Nanaba's hand and how Hange is holding on to Moblit's bicep. 

He's getting them all out of there alive.

Erwin follows the group back towards their exit and begins speaking. 

''Everyone needs to keep their ears open if someone's been hit, understood?" he asks. ''Especially in the rear of the element? Alright?" he nods.

He's getting the medic organized, zipping their bag up. 

''All right, Chief.'' he says. Two smokes are thrown over the wall and everyone is in motion. Erwin stays where he is, he's taking position of last man with Mike. The other squadron leader says he's got a count of everyone and Erwin's moving him from position. Mike's in front of him as Erwin calls back. ''We're leaving! Americans are leaving!" he yells. ''Where the fuck is everyone?" he asks, tossing the smoke over the wall before they jog through. 

There's the wall of the compound and a wall to a house between them. It makes a long alleyway but not long enough. Soon they're out in open field with a tall wall behind them with no chance to be climbed over. Everyone stays a steady pace of jogging and he's taking glances to the tree line in front of him. A doorway is taken and they slow.

''Keep pushing!'' he orders. ''Keep pushing!"

He counts every soldier he's got in front of him. 


	26. Chapter 26

There isn't a feeling to describe how he feels looking at Kenny. Looking at a rather accepting face as he explains why and how he moved to California from Illinois, explains the reason he got a medal of honor, and explains his life in the past two years.

''What about...'' Kenny begins. ''Farlan and Isabel?"

Levi's jaw clenches momentarily but its enough of an explanation for his uncle. 

''Right.'' he responds. ''Petra and Oluo? Those two... Are they...?"

''Yeah.'' Levi responds. ''They helped me move here. It's Oluo's hometown I think.''

Kenny nods. 

''That's good, that's good.''

''I met a SEAL commander at a complementary dinner with Petra and Oluo.''

The older man's eyes stare at him from the screen.

''What's his name?"

''Erwin Smith. He introduced me to his friends. Nanaba, Mike, Hange and Moblit. But he uh... He got deployed two weeks ago for a five month mission.''

''I'm sorry, Levi.'' Kenny says. ''It's hard to see them have to go on deployment.''

He wants to be angry but Levi asks a single question. 

"Why did you enroll me into the military?"

Kenny looks melancholy but he begins explaining. 

''I was promised by a general that you'd be give a position as a medic, or a mechanic. But he lied. Just wanted another Ackerman in the military. He didn't want to have to control where three people went either and decided to let all three of you go right into missions and fights. You were a good pilot?"

''Best in the squadron.''

There's a sad but proud smile spreading across his uncle's face. 

''Good kid.'' he says. ''What were they like? How did Church and Magnolia do?"

He has his hands folded in his lap as he slumps in front of the computer screen. Levi thinks, staring at the keyboard. 

''Well... Isabel... She was like me. Stubborn, fiesty at wrong times. Farlan was sarcastic and stubborn. We were all a force to be reckoned with. And we were- all of us- the best pilots there. Carried on our names with pride.''

''I don't want you to have to think you had to carry on any kind of liege or something,'' Kenny says. ''My father shipped me into the military and focused his time on me while he ignored your mother. I didn't want to be my father. I wanted to give you a life, something at least, and I was promised that my nephew would be given a good position and now... But you're alive, you're living, right?"

''I'm applying for a new job and I'm trying to go out with friends more often.''

''Good.''

He won't mention dance class. 

''Uri's hair,'' he says. ''Its turning grey.''

Kenny's still got pitch black hair. That or he's started dying it.

''We're old.'' Kenny says.  ''Can't expect a miracle.''

He wants to apologize for not staying in contact with them but he never had a number to call, or an address to write letters to. 

''You visit her regularly?" the older man asks gruffly. 

''As regularly as I can.''

Kenny smiles again. Genuinely. 

''Good man.''

He gets no response over the next two months from anyone, only having received a letter from Erwin by the third week in to their deployment but that was all. It was a quick summary of how the plane ride was and everyone's signatures in the bottom.

Levi does not allow fear to take over him. Instead he perches himself out in his backyard with a drink and ice on his beginning to ache knee. An old, sharp pain begins to throb in and around the scar, he notices. It'd be difficult to find a job that wouldn't require to be on his feet all day, and he doesn't yet want to settle for physical therapy. 

The ice pack is adjusted and pushed into his knee and he sighs gently. There's been a weight lifted from his chest and shoulders since he's spoken with his uncle, he notices. A hatred he kept tied to himself and dragged with himself everywhere was beginning to cut its ties and he allowed it to. He didn't attempt to salvage those ropes and tie the knots back up. There was another plan to speak with his uncle again later in the week, after he sees Petra for a day out shopping and sees Erwin's father. 

Papa Smith still keeps regular talks up, and he notices the man talks around his son quite often. He talks around his son as well his son's mother, and sticks instead with what occurs during his dat. No questions are asked on Levi's deployment, only on how his days have gone. 

When a free day comes to Levi, he decidedly goes with Papa Smith to the older man's favored restaurant. A simple fish and chip shop, selling different fried foods from countries across the world in an unknown and quiet little shop. Its got an awful paint job on the inside, a wall with famous celebrities and signatures, some he can tell are faked when he first walks in. 

The older gentleman turns in his chair beside the window, looking over the California coast and smiles when he sees Levi. The younger man approaches and shakes his hand, seating himself as he's questioned about his day and how he is doing. 

''I'm fine.'' he responds. ''Hungry, though.'' 

''What do you like?'' the older man asks, setting a second glass of water in front of his friend. Levi opens the menu and glances over his options. He's not sure entirely on what he likes, but chooses quickly so he doesn't waste the other man's time. ''I do recommend the shrimp cakes.''

Levi lowers the menu and settles on that.

It's begun to heat up. Heating up meant raising five degrees and just barely reaching the seventies. Enough to leave windows open to have the sea breeze flow in, mixed with the scent of fish. 

''How are things with you?'' Levi asks the older man. 

''Fine.'' he responds with a gentle smile, one that he determines must be genetic. Its familiarity strikes something in his heart and he clears his throat softly before sipping his water. ''I do worry somewhat for my son and his friends, but I know he is in good arms with those around him.''

It's nice to hear it confirmed by another person's words. Levi was beginning to worry, as if he hadn't already, about every single one of his friends. He could try to act as rough around the edges as possible, but he had to admit he enjoyed letting people in. People like Erwin, who were intelligent, and strong. People like Mike, who were kind with hidden talents. People like Moblit, who were kind but secretly deadly. People like Hange, who acted as they were to keep their intelligence and bravery undercover. People like Nanaba, who were truly as tough as they looked and looked like they could eat nails for breakfast. 

He was glad to have met them. 

And he was glad to have stepped past his insecurities to speak with Commander Erwin Smith.

''You know my son has a ridiculous bolo tie he wears.'' Mr.Smith states suddenly. Levi lifts his eyes up to the other man and finds him glancing over his glasses. ''Got it from his great-grandfather's things when we visited back in the nineties. Wore it to every family gathering from then on. I was the one to persuade him not to wear to his own prom.''

Levi began to feel a smile come on. 

''What color?''

''An emerald green. My son, like myself, was very close with my grandfather, and I was very happy to have him experience so many memories with the man before his passing. He was so young when they happened that he would ask me as he grew if they were dreams. But I'd show him cracked photos to confirm that they were very much real. And his great-grandfather was always wearing that bolo tie.''

His lips began to lift as the older man finished with his sentence. He doesn't ask why the other man is telling him this, simply thinks that he enjoys talking about his son, or at least needs to now that his son is back within the grasp of some classified mission. 

''Did Erwin tell you about how our family came to live in America?'' 

Levi shakes his head. He listens to a story about Erwin's great grandfather came to America, some time after the first World War, where he faced harsh discrimination from his neighbors, and rare kindness from the close family Levi comes to learn was the Zacharius family. he learns of the origination of the bolo tie, and of the leather jacket that had slowly come into Erwin's posess. He learns about how Grandpa Smith (Erwin's grandfather) became a lawyer, and the struggles it took to convince him to move from Washington down into the Californian town the Smith's were now residing in. He learned more about the storyteller himself, his life growing up in Washington and how he began to find a love for teaching. How his life took him to Oregon State, where he met Erwin's mother, and further on to the Sierra Nevadas of California.

As Erwin grew, they trickled further down and landed on the West Coast, specifically, Pismo Beach, California. 

He's onto his third shrimp cake when the other man asks about Levi's own family, and his parents. 

''I didn't actually ever meet my father,'' Levi responds and ignores the regretful look in the other man's eye. ''My mother passed when I was young.''

''Oh, I apologize.''

He shakes his head and wipes his mouth involuntarily. 

''Had my Uncle Kenny though,'' he states. There's a sprout of something in his chest when he says it. He refuses to call it love, but maybe respect. ''He raised me in Illinois.''

''You're quite a distance.'' the other says lightly. Levi chuckles and moves some fries from his plate to the other man's. 

''That I am.'' he responds. ''I don't know lots about my own family. Besides every man was military and I've carried the tradition. Maybe even back to the Civil war.'' Levi raises his eyes and the other smiles towards him. 

They get treated to cookies on their way out and part ways in the parking lot, Levi having made a plan to pick Roxy up the next day. 

There's a bit more room for free breathing that afternoon. Its heated up, all the way to a dramatic seventy-five, all the while a lovely breeze blows through along with the clouded sky. He rolls his window down, ignoring the slight humidity and instead takes a deep breath in, exhaling throughout his nose as he pulls back out into the traffic. Levi follows surface streets instead of the freeway. He knows how to get to the beach from here, and from the beach he'll be able to map himself back to his home. 

He settles when he walks in through the door, toeing off his shoes and moving across the living room. Levi's in the kitchen getting a drink when his phone chimes, calling for his attention. Its Oluo, Petra has told him that Levi's quit his waiter's job by the ocean, so there in front of him sits a text about being an associate with the other man. 

Oluo gives some short explanation about what it would entail, his hours, and what knowledge he would need in order for it to be accepted. Levi reads it over a couple times before typing a message in return. He receives a long pause from the other man before a string of texts come in, both from Oluo and Petra, thanking him for accepting the job position. 

Levi knew that his friend needed help with managing the vastness of his job, and Levi listened enough times to Petra's worries on her lover to understand that Oluo needed a break. Unfortunately, the dark haired man wasn't the only one to suffer from insomnia, post-war. Nor was he the only one in the squadron to suffer injuries out in the field. Though Oluo was a mechanic and mechanic only, he was drained to his very end, leaving with an injury to his left shoulder. 

He'll be meeting with the other man tomorrow to go over his new job and a payment plan. 

\--

The silence from his friends end becomes worse as time goes on. Its wound on to four months now, and still nothing from anyone. To keep himself busy, he takes any and every job Oluo mentions his way. 

For the past four weeks, he's been practicing and learning from Oluo about changing out fire alarms and sprinklers, and he then understands the amount of work that goes into it. He's currently working just outside of San Fransisco for a small restaurant that's hired Oluo's company. He's working on the fire alarms as another for a security alarm company works on setting a perimeter and the back doors of the restaurant. 

Levi finishes up and drops down off of his ladder, folding it up and laying it down before removing things from his work belt and organizing them into the tool box that he was offered as well by Oluo. He removes the belt with a quick motion and folds it up, covering his tools within the box with it before clipping the box shut and standing. Levi hoists up the ladder as well, underneath his arm and moves it into the back of the kitchen where he had gotten it from, the owner's insistence keeping him from using the one that was hooked on the back of the work pick-up. 

Oluo also had a job today, an attempt to buy a van to paste the company logo on and use for separate pick-ups. 

He orders a box of fries before he goes, their first sell of that day. He carries that with him to the truck and lifts the toolbox into the bed of it, walking to the driver's door in the process. Levi climbs in and rubs his fingers into his eyes before slipping them through his hair. It had gotten longer, the undercut no longer as prominent and his longer locks coming to fall in his face now. It quickly became irritating to brush it out of his eyes as he tried working. 

His friend had also never mentioned the neck pain from looking up constantly. Levi's hands fell to his neck muscles and rubbed firmly, a gently groan leaving his lips in the process. His thumbs worked with his index and middle fingers, pressing up further into where his hair began. He rolled his neck and cracked it either way, feeling a massive knot loosen in the process. Levi leans forward and arches his back, pressing his chest against the steering wheel to pop his spine before he sighs and cracks his fingers, sitting back. He brings the seatbelt across his chest and and starts the truck up, awaiting the long drive home. 

The styrofoam box beside him is opened and he uses one hand to drive, one hand to eat. 

The truck smells like greased fries when he gets it back to Petra's driveway, seeing that a new van was parked in front of the window. He couldn't imagine that she was too happy about that, a big white van sitting in front of their home. He sees the front door open as he pulls up in front of the garage door and sprays the truck with air freshener before stepping out and shutting the door. 

Coming around the side of the car, he finds Petra presenting the van dramatically and she laughs as he rolls his eyes, grin on his face. 

''How was work?'' he asks her. 

''Fine,'' she tells him. ''Working in a correctional facility isn't always complete shit.''

Levi shakes his head and steps in after her, removing his shoes and tucking them up close beside the door.

''Oluo was very happy to show off the van when I got home,'' she hops over the back of the couch and lets out a long sigh as she lays her head back, watching her friend step fully into the living room. 

It was a nice, three bedroom home that Oluo's family had moved out of not long after he and Petra arrived back from their fourth deployment. The kitchen was directly beside the door, separated by a simple wall that had been painted over with a bright teal color. Their dining room was beside the counter, a tiny dining table with chairs around it. The couch was the separating line from the rest of the home, with a fork in the wooden floor pathways leading towards the bedrooms. 

Levi throws the fries container away and sits directly beside his friend, having her snuggle up. He lays his cheek against her head and they sit comfortably for several minutes. He allows his eyes to shut before he speaks into the silence. 

''Where's Oluo anyways?''

''In bed.'' she responds quietly. ''He's getting up early tomorrow.''

He hums quietly and she adjusts her head carefully where his chin sits, afraid she'll scare him away. Levi doesn't move, only adjusts his chin back into its place. Petra does not ask if something is on his mind. She waits for him to speak. 

''I've spoken with Kenny lately.''

She hums in return. 

''Did you clear things up or are you still going to keep the two-by-four of issues up your ass?''

He purses his lips. 

''I've cleared things up.''

''Well done, Levi.''

''I've spoken about the rest of my friends as well-''

''That I have yet to meet.''

''-yes-mother-'' she breathes out a laugh from under his chin. ''-I will get to that. It's difficult currently, with them being on deployment.''

''What's the length of this deployment?''

''It was supposed to end a month ago.'' he responds. 

Petra hums gently as a response. 

''And you haven't heard anything from any of them?''

''Not a word in months.''

She hums again. 

''You told me he was commander, right?''

''Erwin?''

''Yeah.''

''He's the commander. Hange is intelligence operations along with Nanaba. Mike and Moblit, as I know, are combat specialists.''

''And Erwin takes all of their intelligence together and forms a battle strategy.''

''He does all of those.''

''Don't be shocked that your friends are away for a longer amount of time. If anything had happened to any of them, I'm sure that the Smith man you were telling me about must have heard something. Especially if his son is the commander in charge of a team of Navy SEAL operatives.''

She pats his thigh and lifts her head, Levi moving his chin to avoid a collision. Petra turns slight enough to him. 

''You're not worrying, are you?'' she asks. 

''I guess I can't be anymore.'' he tells her, soft smile on his lips. She grins and pats his thigh once more before setting her head on her hand. ''It's hard not to.''

''You care for them. You've even called them your 'friends', they must be important.''

''Not as important as you.'' 

''Aww, Levi.'' she smiles. ''I didn't know you had it in you.''

''Fuck off.''

Petra stands. 

''Get out of my house, before one or both of us fall asleep.''

He stands and she hugs him. 

''Thank you, Petra.''


	27. Chapter 27

Its reached into the high eighties once time for summer vacation comes around. Levi's pent up in a school filled with hideous body odors and too much deodorant spray for it to be a safe middle school. He's entered several classrooms at different intervals, each with a countdown to the end of the school year. 

Three days.

That meant that soon on his trips out he'd be speaking on constant occasions with tourists and crossing paths more often with school-children and high schoolers that apparently could be called _adults_.  What was the world coming to?

Levi hears the ringing dismissal bell from his end beside the exit doors and twists the smoke alarm back up in its place before dropping down once more, just as the doors begin opening and conversations flood the halls to the tips of his ears. He folds the ladder and steps to the side, bringing it with him and watching all the students walk past and nodding to some when their eyes apparently can't find anything more interesting to look at than his face. 

It feels like ages later once the halls are empty enough for him to carry the ladder back to the office with him, informing them of the work that he had completed and wishing them to have a nice day. Levi passes some more students on his way out, unfortunately, but one or two wave to him, the man a peak interest to them. The parking lot conjoins both the high school and the middle school, causing it to be filled with parents trying to pick up their kids and teens wanting to drive to anywhere but there. He opens the bed of the pick-up and hops up into it, hooking the ladder back up to its chains and securing it before he finally removes the tool belt from around his waist. The metal box to the left is opened and he drops it in before clicking it back shut and standing. 

He hoists himself onto the top of the truck and stands on the roof, peering around the parking lot for a way out. The line grows from the opposing side of the field, where the high school perimeter begins, and Levi sees no way out from there. He sighs and instead unlocks the truck, reaching in and grabbing his water bottle and the peach he brought with him. He uses the tire cover as a seat and stretches his legs out in front of himself, removing the sticker from his food. 

He spends a good portion of his time eating away at the peach and watching the horrendous parking lot let people out. The school ground officers patrol around, pushing people on and away from the grounds as he simply waits. The peach becomes nothing other than a pit when he stands and hops out of the truck. Finally, its open enough to let him out, and he does so quite quickly. The patrolmen wave to him and he waves in return, taking a shortcut from the school and exiting out, illegally pulling into the right lane to drive away. 

Petra is to be found once he arrives, dressed in her swimwear. 

''What the fuck are you doing here?'' he asks, shutting the truck door behind himself. She sits on the trunk of his car and smiles. 

''I want to go swimming.'' she responds. ''It's hot. Get your things.''

With no other choice in the situation, Levi changes out and takes her down his pathway onto the beach trail. He's stuffed her towel and his into his backpack, walking her through the overgrown path before it breaks off to the grass behind the Cliffs Hotel. 

''Still not a thing from your friends in combat?'' Petra asks. 

Levi shakes her head and gestures for her to head down the wooden stairs before him. His hand takes the metal guardrail. 

''Nothing. Three months ago they should have been back.''

''Has Erwin's father said anything about it?''

''Not a word,'' they turn the corner and follow the steeper stairs down as they change into concrete. ''We're both kind of... Tense. Not to mention how Mike and Nana's dog is doing at this point.''

''Poor Roxy,'' Petra responds in a sad tone. ''She is very cute, she must very much miss her parents.''

''Yeah...'' 

They remove their shoes once they reach the sand, toeing carefully through the heat before they find a place to settle. Petra wades into the water as Levi gets their towels out and their shoes in front of them. They refuse to leave valuables behind, Petra having learned the hard way after moving from Delaware to Shell Beach, losing not just her phone but her wallet and even family photos she brought with herself. 

Levi was... Smarter. At least he thought so. 

His shirt comes off and a long whistle comes from his friend, forcing his eyes to turn to her in a strong glare before he follows her in. It feels like it wants to pull him in, the water, and the sand bites at his skin, but it feels all too good after a day of heat. Growing up in old, run-down, shitty cars taught him not to leave the engine running too long, especially not when its over seventy under any case. He may have forgotten that Oluo's truck was only around two years old, but it didn't stop him from reverting back to his old lessons. 

The middle school felt like it wasn't air conditioned either, but the water pushed that all away and helped the tension in his neck as well. He dives under and stands quickly back up, the water coming up to just above his belly-button. Levi shakes his head and pushes his hair back, glancing over to Petra. She hasn't dunked her head under, instead she's watching Levi quietly. He lowers himself further under the water, onto his knees as she has. The waves push and pull at them gently as Petra begins to speak. 

''I need you to know that Oluo can't see this company thriving forever.'' she tells him. Levi nods, watching her. ''I just want you to keep something under your belt, alright?''

''What's going on, Petra?'' he asks. 

''His mother's been diagnosed with early on set dementia,'' Levi's heart surges for the couple. ''His father is getting behind on bills. Our money has been the only thing keeping them afloat and now, with his mom, it's going to get worse.''

''I can take a separate job.'' he tells her. ''Soon.''

Petra is just as bad as asking for help as Levi is. And in this situation, she's asking for him to stop working at his new job. She stays silent.

''Don't feel bad about asking this of me-''

''I don't need you getting stressed out about any range of work, though, Levi.'' she tells him. ''You've been doing so much better. Asking you to leave your new job, asking you to refuse being paid-''

''You both have as well. It won't kill me to get a different job, Petra.'' he waddles forth on his knees and sets his hand on her arm gently. ''Stop fucking worrying about me and get to his parents instead. I'll start looking once I get home. Keep my next paycheck.''

''We're not going to keep the paycheck from you.''

It's after sunset when they part ways at his house. Levi bathes the sand off of himself and drops himself on his bed, face stuffed in the pillows. For the past several days, his mind has been on where his friends are deployed, but due to the amount of affairs the United States military had involved itself in, it was more of sticking names in a hat and pulling one out as a guess. 

He does as he had promised and begins searching for a new job. 

His eyes are pulled open sometime in the _very fucking early morning_ when a ringing noise pries at his ears. Levi blinks heavily, his room lit up in light shades overflown with a rich blue. He squints at the ceiling before the sounds come rushing in properly. Someone is attempting to contact him. 

Levi sits up and grabs his phone with a less-than-pretty grunt, turning the screen to read the number dialing him. He reads it over a second time. Who would try video chatting with him at.... One forty in the morning? His thumb hovers over the red button before the person on the other line cancels. Seconds later it calls again. Someone wants to speak with him. 

His thumb moves over to the green button before residing just between the two. The person on the other line hangs up once more on their attempt. He stares at the screen and the time tick on to one fourty-four before the individual calls again. Levi stamps his thumb down instantly on the answer button, against every instinct. 

The screen becomes very bright, yet whoever is trying to contact him face is chortled. Their connection is awful. He can hear noises, when the connection allows him to, and he sits up carefully. A car drives past his window before Moblit is speaking to him. He glances outside before his eyes turn back quickly to the screen. 

Slowly, it comes into focus, and the connection grows better. A vast smile grows on Moblit's face when he realizes that Levi is indeed looking back at him and he waves. 

''Can you see me now, Levi?'' he asks. And it is oh-so-wonderful to hear his friend's voice. Levi smiles in return and nods, watching as Nanaba comes up behind Moblit, bandage over her right collarbone, and she waves to him. They both beckon someone over, that someone turns to be Hange with a large cotton square taped over one eye. They grin tiredly and plop down in the seat positioned in front of whatever they're using. 

''How do you have a connection?'' Levi finds his voice. 

''I was a technology major,'' Moblit tells him. ''Before going through with nursing and finally the military.'' 

Levi holds his chin in his hand, watching as Nanaba disappears momentarily. His eyes wander back to the two remaining. Moblit places his hand on Hange's shoulder with appreciation, his fingers wandering lightly to their neck and his thumb plays with absent hairs on their neck. They shiver lightly and raise their hand, placing it on his own. Nanaba arrives back with an exhausted but in one piece Mike who brings up a chair and plops it down, using the back as his armrests. 

''Levi!" he's overjoyed once he notices who he's looking at on the computer screen. He stands quickly with a large grin and leans in to the screen. ''Fuck, man.'' he states. 

He can't help but laugh gently. His friends are there. Hange is the only one who has possibly lost a piece in the past several months. Moblit leans down and wraps his arms further around his loved one's neck, kissing the side of their head. When he does so, Levi notices a fresh scar behind his ear. He's unsure of what caused it, a large scar that disappears beneath his collar. Looking back at Hange, he finds that they've lifted their fingers to the screen of the computer, trying to reach Levi. 

''I'm here, Hange.'' he promises. They smile gently. His eyes move on, to Nanaba, who stands at Moblit's shoulder with her head held high. She's got exhaustion in her eyes, and beside the wound on her collarbone, she looks to be fine. Mike has seated himself again, his hand still enveloping Nanaba's. He's in one piece too. His beard is longer, but the hair has gotten a big chop, and looks like it was recent. Levi notices a graze wound on his left bicep, and bandages peeking out from his shirt. 

Levi rubs his eyes and stares at his friends. 

''All of you are in one piece, right?'' he asks. ''Each of you?''

There are nods.

''Hange might not look like it, but yeah.'' Mike responds, poking his friend lightly. The other laughs quietly. ''Everyone is. We're all alive.''

He hears a curious voice separate from the rest of the noises in the background. He hears Erwin. Levi brings his legs back up on to his bed and lays his head against the wall. The rest glance up, and Erwin steps into the screen, standing on Moblit's other side. His right arm is bandaged and in a sling, there are ''C'' shaped stitches in his right eyebrow and he smiles. Really smiles. 

Broad and wide enough that Levi could count each of the man's teeth if he wanted. 

The smaller man sits back and turns his phone on its side, staring a his friends for a moment. Moblit lifts his head and stands, keeping his hands on Hange's shoulders. Mike sits straighter and Nanaba hooks her arm over Moblit's right shoulder. Hange raises their chin and reaches towards Erwin, patting his back from where they sit. 

It looks like a historic war photo, the five of them. 

He grins. 

''Fuckers.'' 

\--

Its two thirty now and Levi's updating each of them on the separate things they needed to know about back home. Mike and Nanaba are pleased to hear that Roxy is enjoying both new homes and can't wait to get back to their own house. Hange and Moblit are happy to hear that their friend has gone through with the ''strenuous'' list given to him on keeping their plants alive. Erwin is, for the most part, silent where he sits. 

Most parts of their work was classified the past several months, but Hange still gives their story on what occured to their left eye, and Moblit explains the new wound behind his ear. Nanaba tells on Hange about inflicting her new wound and Mike shows off the graze wound and talks bravely on how close he was to death. All the while, his partner shakes her head throughout it. 

He sits through two hours of watching his friends trying to get in front and show off before Nanaba collects them all and moves them from the screen. Hange comes back and pulls up the bandage just a bit to reveal the scar developing. 

''Look!'' 

''Hange!'' 

They laugh and follow after. 

Erwin glances to the side before settling into the seat Hange had occupied. He moves his arm with care and smiles at Levi. 

''You gonna show off or do I have to pry it out of you?'' Levi asks. Erwin grins and licks his already wet lips. He raises his head to the other and his eyes soften. 

''I missed you.'' his voice is gentle and from there it felt like an embrace. Its got its gruffness, and a side to it Levi missed dearly. 

''Yeah your dad misses you too.''

''I already talked to him,'' Erwin tells him, leaning forth and holding his arm with care. ''We already admitted to it. I want to hear you say it.'' He's not sure what to name the emotion that flickers through without warning and the other's final statement.

''I missed you.'' he tells him. ''All of you. I kept going back to the bar not to drink but to hope you'd meet up with by accident. And I was fucking enraged you didn't tell me sooner. Give me time to go over it-'' guilt envelops the other's blue eyes. ''-or to understand what I needed to feel or to even plainly understand in that time. But I'm not angry anymore. I might never let you live it down, but I don't feel rage.''

Erwin's jaw clenches as a small smile spreads across his face. It isn't clenched to hide his anger, but instead words Levi knows the other wants to convey to him. 

''We've got several weeks until the next plane is out. They wanted to take Hange, Mike and I first, since we're the badly injured ones, but the five of us will be on a plane to Kansas before taking it back to California.''

Levi rubs his eye, staring at the other man as he slouches back and rubs his slinged arm carefully. 

''I've also got an amount of physical therapy to go through with this now.'' he mentions his arm. ''Once I get back home. But I was told that it should get back to normal in some time, with aches and pains. But...'' he sighs. ''It'll be back home.''


	28. Chapter 28

Levi's scratching gently behind Roxy's ears, the boxer sitting beside his legs and staring very strongly at the front door where Papa Smith had stepped out of. There is a slight alarm, from which signals that the front gate is being called. He stands quickly, the dog lifting her head to him before her ears perk. 

The two of them stand in a strong silence in the comfortable living room looking over the shoreside town. He furls his fingers into a fist and keeps his gaze on the hall leading from the door. He can hear voices and some laughter. Deep, male laughter. The others in the house take their places, hiding and giggling quietly to surprise the soldiers that have come home. Friends of Hange's and Moblits, Mike's and Nanaba's, some of Erwin's childhood friends and of course Levi, Petra, and Oluo. 

He stays where he's standing, since he is expected to be waiting there when they arrive. 

The door opens and they file in, Roxy bounding up immediately as she realizes who it is that's stepping through the door. Mike picks her up like a baby and holds her in his arms as Nanaba struggles to kiss her head, Moblit clasping his arms around Levi's shoulders and bringing him in before Hange takes their turn. Levi keeps a grip on their shirt before smiling at them and clasping his hand on their shoulder. He turns his head to look to the other three, Nanaba hugging him before stepping around him and allowing Mike to say hello. Roxy pushes her way in between them and rubs up against Mike's legs happily, trying to howl. 

Levi steps back, Mike's arm around his shoulders before he's brought back to sit down in one of the chairs. 

''Christ,'' Nanaba says. ''You look great, Levi.''

He turns his eyes to her and shrugs. 

''You all look... Alive.'' he tells them. He hasn't pulled a shaking hand off of Hange's shirt just yet, his other is furled in Mike's, his arm wrapped around the other's waist. Nanaba grips his shoulders as Levi swallows a large lump down his throat at the sight of his friends together, and collected in the older man's front room. 

He lets go and steps back as they others step out, screaming 'surprise'. Conversation begins to flood the home, from where Levi moves closer to the fireplace and watches. Tears, laughter, hugs and some kisses are spread around while he inches over to the front door. It's still open, showing the two Smith's separating from a hug with tears streaking their faces. Papa Smith is quick to wipe his own eyes before brushing his son's tears away, smiling up at his son. 

Two pairs of gorgeous blue eyes turn and look to Levi where he stands. Of course the strong wall of noise attracts their attention. Erwin focuses on him, his arm bandaged and still in a sling. He wears the boots and camo pants, accompanied with a dark green tee shirt. Papa Smith glances between the two of them and steps away, entering the home and going to join the talks. 

Levi steps carefully into the hall as Erwin begins to approach the front door, the blond stepping forth quickly to wrap his arm around Levi and bring him into his shoulder. Levi wraps his arms around Erwin's middle, taking a sharp breath in from the man's shirt. He clenches his eyes shut and smiles, patting his back before he hears someone yell happily for Erwin. He steps back and pushes the other man onwards into his father's home. Levi stays where he's standing and watches as the blond glances to him and begins to reach for him before someone else takes his hand and drags him into the crowd. 

-

Roxy receives more than enough attention throughout the evening, wiggling onto her back for stomach rubs. Mike is explaining the burns up his to his shoulder on the couch, but not revealing them as friends sit around and talk. Nanaba has changed her own conversation to something more interesting, resting with her back against the larger man's arm and a drink in one hand. 

Moblit is the topic of conversation within the modern and large kitchen, waving his hands about as he divulges further into his interest. Hange has been scolded several times for lifting up the bandage covering their left eye, helping it heal further. They kiss Moblit's ear gently before setting a drink in front of him. He smiles when he notices it but continues speaking, Hange leaning onto the counter as they bring a chip up to their mouth. 

Erwin stands outside on the balcony with his father and Petra. He and Petra are deep into conversation, grinning occasionally. He listens close to her when she talks and his eyes glance inside, dancing wildly over everyone as he searches for someone. Possibly Levi. The blue eyes dance over him before turning back to Petra. 

Oluo is far too invested in Mike's stories, Roxy rolled over onto his feet. He asks a question from which both Nanaba and Mike attempt to answer it at the same time, one talking over the other before debating the truths of something. Levi steps into the kitchen and grabs a chip from Hange before getting a glass of water. He stays by the storyteller as he sips his drink, arm crossed across his chest. 

A taller man is sweeping his eyes around the crowd before they land on Levi from which he stands quickly and excuses himself from the others around him. Levi's quick to lower his eyes before bringing them back up to see Mike watching the other man cross the room. He turns and sips his drink, as if it'll deter him. He turns back to check and finds him halfway through the kitchen and he grins. 

Levi suppresses a groan and turns to him fully as he comes up to him. He feels tension tickle through his stomach and up his spine as the man comes closer. 

''Are you Levi?'' he asks. Levi nods. ''Oh that's great! I'm Erwin's friend, Nile.''

He offers his hand and Levi shakes it quickly before bringing his hand behind his back and wiping it. 

''Nile Dok...?''

The man is hoping that Levi's heard of him before. Levi raises his brows. 

''Right... Nile-'' he gives an awkward grin and nods to him. ''Nice to- uh- meet you.''

Nile's nodding deeply, as if he's overjoyed to have finally met Levi. 

''I've heard great things about you from Erwin,'' Nile tells him. Nile proceeds to get one of the glasses and pour himself a drink. ''A pilot, he said. That's pretty great. What has Erwin told you about me?''

Levi sips his drink and thinks about what his next play will be here. He notices a peek of bright blond in the corner of his eye and glances up, finding Erwin looking inside. The blond approaches and sets his hand on Levi's shoulder. 

''Hey, Nile,'' he says. Nile raises his glass to him. ''I see you've gotten acquainted with each other.''

''Just started talking, actually.'' Nile responds. 

Erwin nods and looks down at Levi before he raises his head back to his other friend. His hand hasn't moved from his shoulder, and Levi drinks his water once more. 

''We agreed on talking more tomorrow.'' Erwin states. ''I'll meet you at your hotel tomorrow.'' 

Nile nods to him and the blond turns to Levi. 

''Want to get out of here?'' he asks. 

Levi finishes the rest of his water and set it in the sink before crossing the floor to the door abruptly. Erwin grins as he watches the other man go and nods to Nile before passing. He's happy to see that most of everyone has gone so far. His closest friends are all that's left, as well as Petra's husband. He's had yet to introduce himself, but the man is enthralled with whatever Mike is talking about. 

The blond reaches the entryway to the hall when he catches Mike's attention. He waves to him, receiving a nods from the other. Erwin simply turns and grabs his jacket out of his bag before hoisting it over his shoulders, pulling the bag up after. He follows Levi out to the other man's car, beyond the gate. He climbs in and chucks his bag in the backseat while the other starts the car. 

They're silent as the car warms up and Erwin buckles his seatbelt. He lifts his eyes to the other man, illuminated simply by the small lights on his old chevy's dashboard. Levi glances to him and to the jacket he wears before pulling off down the road. They're quiet most of the way, Erwin's eyes out of the window and towards the ocean. He's looking past Levi's nose to see the water flowing just beyond. His eyes lightly move back, back to the other's focused eyes as they pull off the freeway and down the road Erwin knows so well. Levi pulls the car into the parking lot in front of the illuminated bar and pulls the handbrake. 

''I didn't know where else you'd like to go.'' Levi says into the dark. 

''This is fine.'' Erwin tells him. He's still watching him as the bar's lights reflect strongly in the rear view mirror. Levi's keys jingle when he pulls them from the ignition and he unbuckles his seatbelt. His hands come to his lap once he's finished but the two stay where they are quietly for several more minutes. 

He clears his throat and they step out of the car, Levi locking it three times for good measure before following the blond to the door. They slip inside, greeted with quiet voices before moving to the same booth as usual and sitting down. Erwin drums his fingers across the surface of the table as Levi organizes himself and relaxes into the cushions. 

''So...'' Erwin says, bringing Levi's eyes to his face. ''What have you been up to?''

''Working.'' Levi tells him. ''I'm not sure what Petra mentioned to you-''

''She told me quickly about Oluo's mother and father. Where that puts their business and you.''

Levi nods. 

''I've enrolled into vocational school. A couple weeks after your video call. It's a drive into San Luis from here every morning.'' Erwin smiles after he finishes. 

''That's good.'' he tells him. Levi snorts. 

''I hope so. It's a last chance.''

''Don't say that. There are more chances out there.''

Levi shrugs. 

''What else? Any more dance?''

He's disappointed when he's met with a shaking head. 

''My knee's been killing me. Moving like that regularly is worsening it. I'm disappointed too, but I don't want to pop killers in order to enjoy something.''

He understood, in some way. More questions were on Erwin's conscious. 

''I wanted to ask you-'' he states. ''-before I left for deployment about your time in the military.''

The smaller man simply shrugs. 

''Get us drinks first.''

The larger man is back with Levi's White Russian and a rum for himself. Levi takes a sip of his drink and licks his lips after he's finished. 

''I joined with my friends Isabel and Farlan. You know I came from a line of military men, and somewhere along the line I needed to catch up where they left off. My uncle tried getting me into the medical training, or mechanics, at least, but he was lied to by a sergeant. The sergeant wanted another Ackerman in the front lines. I took up the Air Force. We served for only a few tours, my friends and I. Petra and Oluo included. We became a squadron together, going in, then out quickly. Observing the grounds for hostiles... Nothing more than that.''

Erwin nods. 

''But you were... Honorably discharged, I remember you saying.''

Levi nods in return and his eyes flicker lightly. His finger taps his glass. 

''We were sent out to grab some scouts and go. We were told it was clear at the time-''

The helicopter blades thump above him, his hands on the joysticks. Isabel is discussing the mission over while Petra is re-checking their weapons. Farlan, his co-pilot for this mission, is sweeping his eyes over the ground below. 

''How far are we?'' Levi asks him over the mic.

Farlan looks around. 

''I'd say just under ten klicks.'' Farlan responds. He turns his head to his friend and smiles. ''Stop pouting. This'll be quick, man.''

Levi turns his eyes back in front of him, shining over the dashboard of lights and to the sand covered hills in front of the helicopter once more. It's when something begins to blare that he glances up. He hears Isabel stop talking suddenly and can feel the pause and tension between everyone in the helicopter at the sound of an alarm. He reaches up and flicks a switch, Farlan frozen beside him. 

''Levi watch-''

Something hits the side of the helicopter, hard. He clenches his jaw as they begin to spin, and Farlan works with him to keep it under control. 

They couldn't be any further than 2 kilometers from their destination. He can see smoke billowing out of one engine as they spin, Levi craning it to where they were at least near level. He hears movement in the seats behind him, even before he can give any orders to them. He feels the helicopter lowering before there's another crash into the side of the helicopter, this time, it knocks him unconscious. 

-

He wakes with sand coating his face and filling his clothes. Sunlight doesn't wane for anyone, especially not Captain Ackerman and his squadron. Its seconds before his headache comes full force, and a minute before he establishes what was occurring. Adrenaline kicks in and he sits up harshly, knee screaming at him and forcing him to scream as well. 

Levi cups it, looking at it to find a large piece of sheet metal lodged into the side. It's a part of the cockpit. His breathing his shaggy as he looks up for anyone else, silver eyes searching quickly. Voices call out his name, but none belong to his friends. They are familiar, but they are not Farlan. They are familiar, but they are not Isabel. 

The captain turns to look over his left shoulder, seeing what was left of their chopper. Some burnt skeleton left behind, that's what it was. With a body sitting inside, still buckled in. It's slouched over, belts pulling at its chest. Its skin is charred, hair is mangled. Levi feels his stomach churn while his chest and throat tighten. He looks away from Isabel, just to see Farlan crumpled on the ground in an inhuman position. 

Soldiers come to him. He remembers hands grabbing at him. He remembers being lifted up as the sounds of blades began to whir. 

What he hadn't remembered, and what Petra had not told him, was that he wept and gripped her the way back to base. 


	29. Chapter 29

''I guess at some point after the collision,'' Levi continues. ''Petra informed me that she was going to try and get help. From which I agreed and proceeded to wish her good luck. She found the group we had originally been sent out for, in a firefight with hostiles before any connection could be made back to base. I was in crutches until I came back home, and from there I was put on a cane and learned to move around the pain in my knee. Then, I moved here.''

Erwin's mouth peeks open at the other man once Levi finishes speaking. He's not entirely sure what to say, so he resides into the back of the booth for the time being. Levi is content with the silence around them for now, though his eyes lift to Erwin every now and again. 

''Where were they buried?'' Erwin asks. 

''Isabel had a military burial back in Illinois. Farlan was donated to science while his arm was given to be buried. He had a similar service. I helped carry the casket both times.''

''What... Made you suddenly be so open with me?''

He gets a shrug as a response. 

''You asked.'' He swirls his glass lightly. ''Besides, I've spent too long staring at this big trunk in my house, filled with my friends memories anyways. I refused to talk to any shrink, finally did something with the things in my trunk.''

''You cleaned your mind as well as your house.'' Erwin tells him. Levi smiles lightly. 

''I suppose you're right.'' the smaller man responds. He lifts his eyes back to Erwin's. ''You were some help.''

''Only some?'' Erwin asks. Levi raises a brow and Erwin smiles softly. ''I think I would have liked them. Farlan and Isabel. I like Petra so much already, I can't imagine what the closest people in your life were like.''

Levi nods absently in return. 

''I think you would've. I think they would have liked you too.''

Erwin raises his glass and Levi does as well, the two taking quick swigs before the blond sets it back on the surface of the table again. A long exhale leaves his nose, bringing the blond's head back against the booth. 

''I didn't think I'd come back alive this time.'' he admits. Erwin stares at the ceiling so he doesn't have to see the other man's expression. 

''Why not?'' 

''I was sure I had gotten inadequate for what they wanted. Anyways, my best soldiers were injured, we lost nearly half of the squadrons sent with us. Mike... Everyone thought he was dead when he went running into flames to keep us safe. I thought Hanji had gotten shot in the eye, when really it was only shrapnel. Nanaba, she got injured. Moblit nearly had a knife go through his brain. And I... Had a panic attack in the middle of fighting.''

''You can't keep going like you could in the beginning.'' Levi tells him. At least he has someone talking from experience. ''You're not an ox, even though you might feel like one sometimes.''

''But have I really reached my limit?'' Erwin asks. ''Is this _it_?''

He lifts his head to find Levi staring forth, hands behind his head. They're relaxed, they're chatting as if Erwin hadn't been away for the past several months. As if they weren't admitting their darkest secrets to each other. 

''What do you think?''

They're simple words, though commanding, and rather terrifying. 

But Erwin knows his answer. He could lie, say he doesn't know. Or admit his sad truth, that even his other commanders were beginning to feel safer within the idea of him _leaving_ his strong position of near a decade. 

''Don't let your fucking pride or ego start taking over.'' Levi states suddenly. It brings Erwin back to the then and now laid out before him. ''I know you've got an ego, but even more, you've got pride. Don't start paying attention to those more than a gut feeling, or your issues. Your pride might just swallow you whole.''

''Are you talking from experience again?'' 

''Hell yeah I am.'' Levi responds. His brows have furrowed but he's still reclining in his relaxed state. ''More than ten fucking generations of generals, sergeants, infantry, and military family members to live up to, and I'm 'honorably discharged' in my fourth tour. Even when I was lying in a hospital bed, mourning the death of my friends with nothing but pity and honest feelings being given by the people around me, I kept thinking about my reputation _because of_ my Ackerman pride. It wasn't until I was forcibly discharged did it even occur to me that I should stop worrying about what my long fucking dead grandfather's grandfather would think, and start paying attention to myself.''

The blond looks towards the stage set up at the back of the bar, thinking over the words the other told him. He _does_ have quite a lot of pride. Erwin's on the verge of wearing it on his _sleeve_ soon. A commanding officer in the United States Military. Of course he thinks of it as something to be proud of. Erwin had no ancestors to live up to, no military family name to try and organize himself to. Nothing to try and cement into his life. He did it in the beginning so he could go through college and pay off family life insurance once he got older. It was only later did he begin to start jumping up their levels and gaining his own reputation. 

Erwin didn't want it to end due to a panic attack in a godforsaken war zone. 

But if continuing his military career meant putting lives in more danger than before, than he refused to follow that path. If it meant that maybe his pride got a little bruised, or he got some disappointed looks from his fellow soldiers, then he could live. He could live without the long, drawn out military dinners and the fear that death was around the corner. 

It occurred to him that he _would_ need to begin taking better care of his mental health, just outside of any military matters. Some small, unseen efforts were made in the years before, but now with his physical therapy sessions around the corner, and input being made about the attack that occurred to _his_ commanding officers, Erwin would have no choice. 

''How long did it take?'' he asks. 

''What? How long did what take?''

''To get out of your shell of pride?''

''Months.'' Levi responds. ''I have one-maybe two-last living military men still in my family. I didn't want to disappoint them by showing up with a cane and no future ahead of me.''

''What about getting over their deaths?''

''Isabel and Farlan?'' he nods. ''I've only just begun.''

-

Erwin tells Levi where to park his car in his drive when he realizes the death of his career would be one of the many things he'd need to try and rid off of his conscious. Erwin steps out of the car walks around the side to his front door, hearing the other car door open. He hops up the steps before turning back around to the other man. 

Levi walks carefully up the pathway towards him as the blond looks over his lawn. It's nice and green, and the only person(s) looking after his property since he'd been gone was his father and his friend. It looked lovely, and even the pathway looked organized. 

''Did you do that?'' he asks. Levi stops at his shoulder and glances back, Erwin studying him to watch his eyes skitter over the lawn. 

''Your dad helped.'' he responds. The smaller man looks up at him. ''It wasn't difficult. We know how to keep things fucking healthy.''

The blond grins, massaging his elbow as it begins to ache. 

''Thank you, Levi. For everything.'' the other shrugs. ''There's a lot I should pay you back for.''

''Nah. I didn't think you'd want to come home to a dead lawn anyways.''

They laugh gently together on the front doorstep before Levi scratches his ear gently and proceeds to hug Erwin. The blond hugs him as properly as he can with one arm, bending over to hold him closer to his chest, feeling the other man press his face into his neck. The blond does the same, breathing in a fruity smell from Levi's shirt. 

-

"Hello?'' his phone is what has woken him up that morning-afternoon-morning. Whatever. 

''Levi!'' its Hanji. ''I need you to be my date to this bake sale.''

''Why the fuck would I want to do that?''

''Because Moblit won't get out of bed and no-one else will go.''

''Glad to see I'm a last shot. Have you asked Erwin? That sounds like something he'd enjoy.''

''He's already going with his dad.''

Of course he is.

''Come on, Levi. I'll make sure to put you right in Erwin's line of sight so you two can gawk at each other and act like you don't really want to bone when everyone knows that you do.''

''Fuck off.''

''No point in hiding it anymore. We've started betting when one of you will say something.''

Levi rolls his eyes and drops the phone from his ear, rolling onto his other side to avoid Hanji and the conversation. He can just lightly hear them blabbering on the other line when it occurs to him that Erwin really has shown quite an interest in him since the blond got back home, and especially when they both began to sort their individual problems out. He had made mental room for a relationship with someone, romance, and it seemed that Erwin had too. 

He's been conned into coming to help set up the booths and tables early at the park. Though he's disgruntled, he can't deny that its a decent day for it. Even though he was going to complain about it all day long. 

Muscles he hadn't used properly in about two months time were starting to come back to life, and soon he and Hanji were perched in foldable green and cyan lawn chairs, waiting for something to occur. 

''You look like the last person to be at a church bake sale.'' Hanji tells him as they open a can of soda for him. They pass it on and he drops it in his little cupholder. 

''You don't look like much of a churchgoer either, with your scar and eyepatch.''

Hanji had been fitted for new glasses that blocked out the left side. It still revealed a great deal of the scar, but no one, including Hanji, ever had to see the glossed out eye hiding behind it. They'd also put on more muscle, making they and Levi the two most intimidating church bake-sale-goers around. 

''Mm. Let's hope I get enough blessings today from those that _do_ go to church.''

 Levi works on making sure that none of the kids actually ever touch the food on sale as Hanji makes the money and cashes it into the decorated safebox they have in front of them. It was all steel and glitter sharpie, but the only thing _actually_ keeping it safe was a weak little clip on the front that he could see seven different ways of breaking with only a rock alone. 

It's gone on for an hour and his promised present has yet to arrive. 

''Where's Erwin?'' he asks. 

Hanji groans with delight when they can finally sit down properly in their chair. Their eye flits around the park before they point. 

''There.'' they state. He glances up and finds the Smith's approaching with bake sale signs under their arms. The Smiths' look like a good Christian family that are very particular about pre-marital sex. 

Erwin's arm is in some sort of brace, made of plastic and foam so it doesn't irritate or injure his arm further. Its pulled into a position that makes it look as if its in a sling, against his chest. The blond sits down by the drinks stand and undoes the latches to free his arm. Levi watches him wince and sigh before very carefully beginning to roll his shoulder. He lifts his arm and back down again around twenty times before continuing on to his elbow, stretching it and putting the joint to use. His father sets out what looks like a kids toy in front of Erwin and the younger man thanks him before picking up pieces with his injured wrist and putting them in the proper places. 

His physical therapy for the entirety of his arm. 

Hanji elbows him gently and the Levi glances to them before sighing and standing up. He leaves his water behind and crosses the grass opening towards the other stand where both the Smith's look up and smile. 

''Levi!'' Papa Smith greets him with a orange slushie and beckons for him to sit down as he continues to organize their stand to where he can use it better. The chair is positioned beside Erwin and his plaything. 

The younger blond lifts his hand to Levi and manages to clasp his hand in his own, trying to shake it. 

''Hey!'' Levi exclaims. He grins and sits closer, watching Erwin's fidgeting, but working fingers let go and give an awkward thumbs up. Levi lifts his eyes to the other man's face to find him smiling broadly. 

''As much as I hate trying these exercises,'' Erwin states, rounding back to working on his shoulder. ''I have to admit that they're helping quite a lot.''

The smaller man keeps watching him for a moment and sips on the slushie handed to him by the older man. Papa Smith clasps his hands together when he's done and recommends different actions Erwin can take to switch up movements in his arm and hand. Erwin his able now to turn his wrist several centimeters to the left, and back again now as well as being able to flicker his fingers from time to time. 

''Where did you two run off to?'' Levi asks. 

''We had to go take down certain signs.'' Erwin answers him, focusing his attention and energy in trying to form a fist. 

''Ones that took too much damage.'' Papa Smith answers. Levi stands and gives the other man his chair back before leaning against the fold out, plastic table. Erwin grasps a green piece tightly in his hand and offers it to Levi with an outstretched arm, which Levi holds for him. The blond's fingers fall open quickly and his arm more of collapses back to the table, from which Erwin sighs. ''Look at it like this, Erwin. You couldn't move your arm at several weeks ago.''

The blond nods but still gives a glance to his arm. His father rubs his back gently and Levi notices the two lean closer to each other in the process. 


	30. Chapter 30

Levi woke up to the ground swaying, being rocked back and forth gently in the dim light of the boat's hull. He stretched, dragging the bedsheets off of his stomach with him before stretching his arms out across the bed. 

He'd joined Erwin out on the ocean the night before, simply because they _could_ , but Erwin finds a reason to celebrate something. Levi's flying through his schooling with fireworks trailing after him, and the blond wanted to find some excuse to get the other out on the water, and had been given strict access by his father to the boat. 

Aches can be felt as he sits up and stumbles out of the bed, yawning as he makes his way to the toilet. It isn't a boat as much as it is a small yacht. Comfortable, clean, made for small access. He tucks himself back in and heads up to the deck, still only wearing his sweatpants. The door opens and goosebumps flutter across his bare torso at the cool wind, the smell of the sea overpowering him. Levi pushes his fingers through his hair and looks around at the vastness, seeing the pier in the background. 

Erwin sits with his feet dangling off the side and his arms hooked over the metal railing. He glances up when he notices Levi and watches him sit down beside him. 

''Sleep well?'' he asked. 

The other nods in return, rubbing gently at his eye.

''I thought I'd never get to sleep.''

''The ships rocking becomes gentle, doesn't it?''

He nods again, laying his arms over the metal rail to accompany Erwin. The blond goes back to gazing out at the water, the breeze blowing through their hair and over their bodies. 

''Would you ever buy your own?'' Levi asks. ''So you wouldn't have to keep borrowing from your father?''

''Yeah. Maybe not exactly like this. But I've used my credit and money towards my home, car insurance, the bills... Food. I'll just have to be that old man with an ugly corvette and yacht.''

''Corvettes aren't ugly...'' Levi mutters. Erwin laughs gently. 

''I realized now I've got to get a job.'' the blond tells him. Levi lifts his eyes to him and realizes the blond hasn't had any other proper job aside from the military. ''I still have enough to keep me afloat until the end of the year, luckily, but I do have to find at least something to keep going.''

''How much did you make as Commander?''

''Seven thousand, weekly. Seventy-one thousand yearly.''

Levi keeps his eyes on the gentle waves, glancing up to surfers in the distance.

''...want me to make some breakfast?'' he asks the larger man.

''That'd be fantastic.''

They sit with food in their laps on the deck again, this time they're both dressed for the day and sitting relaxed. Erwin's explaining his career options, where his education has placed him, what paths he can take with the amount of money he has set up. His father's plans for his son, companies that already want to take Erwin. 

They're all offices with nothing but grief radiating off of them, but Erwin's worries have him trying to figure out which job he wants to take. He turns it around to Levi, gets him started on talking about his job. 

''Just mechanics.'' Levi responds. ''There's this family owned business I wanted to go to. They're not complete assholes, don't have a car company name to follow up to, and they're always ready to accept new mechanics.''

Erwin's nodding as he talks further on the subject, and what he learned from his uncle growing up. The blond seems rather confused when he finishes. 

''Where was your mother during all this?'' Levi remembers that he hadn't properly told the blond of his mother's death. He swallows his bite of egg and clears his throat. 

''I uh, actually never told you... I moved here because this is where my mother had wished to be buried.'' he tells him. Erwin's face changes instantly and he can see the other's mouth begin to move to try to apologize. ''She loved the sea, loved this coast, so when she passed we had enough to fulfill her wishes. I moved here afterwards, only because she talked so much about her dreams of living in a nice condo by the beach. I didn't really have any dreams of my own to live off of. If anything, I'm making this up as I go.''

''I haven't met anyone who's actually had a plan for their lives.''

''Besides you.''

''Ha. Yeah, besides me.''

He cleans up their dishes as Erwin brings them back to shore, going around the surfers towards the docking point and tying it down so it didn't try going anywhere. Levi zipped his bag up and stepped out from the hull, feeing tipsy as he stepped onto the very solid, unmoving wooden planks. The blond stayed where he was on the boat. 

''Aren't you coming back?'' Levi asks.

''She's got a parking spot I've got to get her to.'' Erwin tells her, patting the boat. ''If I forget where it is, I'll be in trouble.''

''Thank you, then.'' he says. ''For inviting me out. I've never been on a boat properly before.''

''Thanks for coming.'' the blond smiles. ''See you later. Work hard on your schooling.''

They give each other a quick kiss before Levi heads to his car, climbing in and dropping his bag in the backseat. He comes to the realization of how they had parted once he finally gets to his classes.

Erwin isn't awkward with greeting him when they see each other again at the bar, or when they go on runs together over the next week. They haven't touched each other since, in any form of hug, or even an accidental brush against one another. It's early May of the next year, and every short kiss is never followed with anything more than a hug. 

He's going with Nanaba and Moblit to help with wedding ideas, and while his heart is with the two of them, his mind is with the blond man. 

''Levi.'' he glances up to Nanaba. ''Which one do you think I should buy?'' 

''What are we- what am I comparing?''

He's not much help before or after his spaced moment, so he follows behind the other two obediently as they wander around the streets lined with shops. Levi goes with them to meet back with the other three at some sort of restaurant with big, tall brick walls and black metal beams keeping the ceiling up. 

The white tables are too tall or too short, the chairs are practically stools. The vases are oddly long with even bigger flowers in them. Levi's seated beside the closed bar where one of the waiters is using a blender on and off. Hange dumps themselves beside Moblit and they receive a quick kiss before a straw is held to their lips. Mike and Nanaba are of course re-united, and Erwin is sitting uncomfortable between the two couples, just as Levi is, across on the other side of the table.

Erwin glances between the two of them and looks up at Levi, making a face. Levi grins and teasingly puckers his lips towards the other man, winking. Erwin smirks and winks in return before meals are ordered. 

Levi's working a toothpick in his mouth, some of the group has split off to use the restrooms, he, as well as Hange and of course Erwin remain at the table. He glances up, prying some food between his teeth as the blond sips his water. Yes, he must look attractive picking at the food in his teeth. 

He wants to ask questions, wants to understand why they're slowly becoming more disconnected though they both obviously want something more. But his voice never comes up, the words never form, and soon he's by himself in his home again. 

-

Its a very simple wedding, but with meaning and love spread throughout the banners and the chairs. It's not overly formal, he spots some in their formal uniforms and some familiar faces from the military dinner. Oluo's made good enough friends with Mike in the past year to have gotten an invitation, and they're currently chatting. 

Erwin stands behind, adjusting his cuffs with dastardly eyes watching the crowd. 

Levi doesn't register Petra saying his name until she turns him by his shoulder. He meets her eyes and mutters an apology before being dragged along to meet and speak with others. Mike's introducing him, someone else, he registers Moblit, is asking him to help with food and the setup. 

Before he allows anyone else to pull him around, he's meeting the original Zacharias couple, two individuals as tall and as blond as Mike. He takes pieces of their faces and can build a second Mike from them.

''Ohh Mike!'' someone squeals. He steps aside and watches as a woman hugs him quickly. ''She looks so gorgeous!''

''Don't spoil it for him!'' Mike's father says teasingly. 

Levi's introduced to Nanaba's aunt before he's taken to see the bride. He declines and backpedals into the crowd, backpedaling into a table and knocking over a glass. He catches it before the wine can spill over the white tablecloth before continuing through. 

''Hange!'' he shouts over music. He grabs their shoulder and they turn around, drink in their hand. 

''What?''

''Have you seen Erwin?''

They shake their head. 

''Ask Mike!''

''He's getting married!''

''Oh yeah!'' they turn back and leave him suddenly. Levi clenches his jaw before turning and spotting the clearing of people, and tables, and white clothing in the corner, closest to the house. 

The wedding is set up at some close friend's house, he doesn't fucking know. He just knows his friends are getting married and that he wants to find Erwin. Levi separates himself from the rest of the crowd and goes around the side of the building, rubbing his head. 

Apparently, someone else has had the same idea.

Erwin is crouched, back against the wall with his arms resting on his knees. He doesn't even glance up to Levi when he takes a step closer. 

''Erwin?'' he asks. 

''I don't think I can do it.''

''Can't do what?'' Levi's crouches beside him. 

''It's not like its _my_ wedding,'' Erwin states. ''But standing up there I'm... Everything is screaming for me to stay where I am, that its safer here. That this is better than being his best man!'' The blond's frustrated, running his fingers through his hair. 

Levi takes his hand and brings it down, using his other to smooth the blond locks back into place. 

''Saying its simply this, or simply that, isn't much help. But it really is just your mind trying to win against you. Its what caused a panic attack, its what causes you to stop and wait for an hour just before you respond, then doubting your proper answer for the next couple weeks. Nothing bad will happen if you stand up there with your best friend and watch him get married. When I put it like that, it sounds simple, but getting enough strength to actually walk up there and stand there, watch them, its difficult. I'm not ordering you to do anything, just telling you what I think is useful.''

He lowers his hand after all the hairs are back into their styled places and he begins to let go of the other hand but its gripped harshly once more. Erwin pulls it closer and brings Levi closer as well before kissing him, another shy, bullshit kiss between the two of them. 

Levi helps him get his clothing organized and smoothed out before pushing him out ahead of him. He takes his seat between Moblit and Petra, watching the beginnings of the ceremony. No one can tell that Erwin was uncertain, that Mike was trying not to cry, and that Nanaba had managed to get lost on her way. 

They stand for the bride, cry for the reception, and eat for after the service. 

Erwin makes a wonderful speech for his friends, for the newlyweds. 

Levi's rather proud by the end, raising his glass along with the rest of the crowd. Erwin looks up, right at Levi, and they sip their drinks. 

He avoids dancing but is more than happy to watch. The couple look exhausted by the end of the night, wanting nothing more than the crowd to go home. Levi approaches their table and hugs them both. 

''Just wanted to congratulate you two before I go home.'' he tells them. 

''Thank you, Levi.'' Mike says, holding Nanaba's hand. 

''Thanks for coming.'' she tells him. He gets a kiss on his cheek and a slice of cake for the way home. 

He gets in the door and pushes the cake in the fridge, removing the tie he wore and pulling his shirt from his waistband before beginning to unbutton it. His socks are pulled off but before he can make his way to his room, he hears frantic knocking on the door. 

Levi stumbles over his own feet trying to reach it, and checks the peephole. Erwin stands on the other side, looking rather panicked. He unlatches the door and pulls it open quickly, worry written across his face. 

''What's wrong-?''

Erwin grabs his arm and pulls him close quickly. His chin is grabbed and he's kissed roughly. He's grabbing in return, slipping his arm behind the taller man's neck and pulling him into his home. They step on each other's feet, Erwin's grip is a bit too rough, but he'd be fucking lying if he said it didn't excite him. He hears his door shut as the back of his leg collides with his coffee table. His arms meet behind the blond's neck and he's pulling him further down, large hands running up and down his back and over his shirt. 

The blond is gripping his shoulder's when they finally separate, a gasp for air. 

He keeps the other in place by his collar. 

''Nothing's bad happened, did it?'' Levi asks. Erwin shakes his head. 

''I thought you were as sick and tired of us tiptoeing around as I was.''

''You wouldn't even _begin_ to understand.''


	31. Chapter 31

They're kissing again, tripping over the coffee table and landing in the space between the couch and the table, giggling. Erwin keeps him pinned to the floor, one of Levi's legs between Erwin's, and the other on the couch. The blond kisses him down his neck and finds how sensitive his neck is when he bites and leaves sloppy kisses all over his skin.

''Where's your bedroom?'' he speaks against Levi's neck.

''Very end of the hall.'' he pants in return.

They struggle out of the hole and Levi takes his hand, leading him down the hallway with his blood on fire and his heart in overdrive. He shoves the door open and steps in, grabbing Erwin's shirt and pulling him inside.

He shuts the door behind himself and watches the blond undo his belt buckle. Letting his pants fall, he steps out of them and kicks them off of his other leg before turning and sitting on the bed. Levi pulls his mostly unbuttoned shirt off of his chest and drops it with Erwin's pants. Invading his space quickly, he steps between the blond's legs and pulls his head back to kiss him, muscled arms enveloping a very blond head. The large hands come back and grab at his ass instead before hoisting him up as the blond stands. Their places are switched quickly, and soon Levi is laying back on the bed as Erwin goes back down to kiss him. A hot and quick mouth is licking down his chest, gripping a nipple. He feels it bud against a wet tongue as long fingers are slipping up and down his sides.

His pants are soon unbuttoned and dropped somewhere in his room, and he makes to motion to stop his underwear from following. Erwin hums happily and when he opens his eyes, he finds predatory and gorgeous blue eyes coming back up his body.

''Am I going to be the only one fucking naked?'' he asks.

The blond sits up and starts at his buttons, getting no grip between his fingers. Levi sits up to help, but Erwin pushes his hands away. His right hand still make some struggle before he decides finally to rip it off. Levi feels a button hit his chin but he's too busy admiring the other in front of him to really care about where they've sprung off too in his room.

Erwin is going back to searching and mapping Levi out with his tongue and his mouth as Levi toes at the waistband of the others underwear. The blond stands and lets Levi pull them down himself, unable to resist the urge of kissing and licking at the other's body. He cups the other's balls in a swift motion and hears a gentle groan leave the other before he brings his mouth further down.

He pushes Erwin's hand from his hair, refusing to allow him to touch any further. He guides his mouth up and down the others cock, barely allowing his tongue to touch. When he does take the head of the other in his mouth, Erwin's head is rolling gently. Levi's grip sits on the other's hip as his mouth and neck work. He bobs his head up and down, Erwin his moaning. Levi feels a hand come to his shoulders and roam down his back.

The blond grips the back of his head and pulls him off. He's kissed gently before lured to lay back once more.

''Do you have any lube?''

''The bathroom.''

Erwin looks up before turning away and going to fetch it. He comes back quickly and tosses it to Levi. He brings Erwin down with his lips and gives him a lesson, allowing Erwin to watch as he begins to stretch himself. Wider and longer fingers take his place, probing and stretching. He moans into the bedspread as he reassures Erwin's actions. His fingers work faster and harder and he finds himself pushing back, trying to help.

The blond lubes up and adds another finger gently, going back to a slow pace.

''Fuck's sake, Erwin. I'm not a goddamn virgin.''

He hears him laugh before the blond is matching his before pace once again. Levi's keeping himself from fully stroking his cock, only touching himself gently. Erwin removes his fingers before pushing back in once again.

''How clean are you?'' Erwin asks.

''I'm clean. Condoms are in the dresser.'' he pants out.

The blond removes his fingers carefully and begins to reach for the dresser. Levi brings his head up with his fingers still tapping and rubbing gently against his cock. The blond stretches the condom on and decides to add a bit extra of lube before checking to make sure it was alright.

Levi forces him to lay down before straddling him and rubbing the other's cock against his ass. Erwin sighs gently and grips Levi's fingers carefully as the smaller man begins to position himself. He seated himself slowly and carefully, himself twitching as Erwin did the same. He watches Erwin as he slides down and when he does begin moving. Erwin's red in the face, his chest his heaving. The smaller man presses his hand to the other's chest and begins to ride, the blond's eyes shutting carefully as Levi begins.

He's rolled onto his back and his thighs are pushed back as Erwin takes over and continues with his own pace. Levi grips his forearms strongly and moans under him, Erwin moaning himself. Levi watches the other's hips roll and motions for him to kiss him. He moans into his mouth as he cums, hips jittery and legs gripping around the other's shoulders. The other has several more thrusts in him before he cums as well.

-

Erwin's showering in Levi's bathroom after Levi. He scrubs his hair clean and finds a towel, walking out to the kitchen where the other man is making coffee for him. Levi's in his underwear and is toeing at his ankle as he waits for the water to boil. Erwin comes up behind him and kisses his cheek, wrapping his arms around the other's shoulders and over his chest. 

Levi leans back gently and the blond kisses his still damp hair gently. 

''I'm sorry.'' he tells the smaller man. 

''For what?''

''Not saying anything before. Trying to make an effort towards us.''

''I didn't try either,'' Levi tells him. ''We've got each other now, don't we?''

Erwin grins. 

''I hope.''

Levi makes him coffee and Erwin takes a sip, coughing immediately afterwards. It's really just hot water with no coffee aspect in it, but he doesn't want to hurt the other's feelings. 

''How is it?'' the other asks. Erwin swishes it around his mouth and swallows it. 

''Great.''

His cup is taken from him and poured down the drain. 

''Café down the road. We'll get breakfast too.''

Erwin borrows a jacket from Levi to make up for his ripped shirt, of his own fault of course. He looks odd, wearing slacks and formal shoes with a dark blue hoodie pulled on over his torso. Levi looks quite nice, even if he's only wearing jeans and a short sleeve shirt. The blond walks with his hands in his slacks pockets as Levi walks beside him loosely and relaxed. They cross the quiet road together, chatting. 

He follows the smaller man past the bus stop and over the cracked sidewalk. He notices quickly how close the freeway is, and the wooden sailor statue signifying the small shopping centre. There's a surfboard shop and small Japanese restaurant. Beside it, the cafe Levi signified which connected to a deli and small convenience store. The blond had never seen more than three people working there at a time, due to the small size of the shop and the small amount of tourists and others who come through. 

The blond holds the door open for the other and smiles as Levi looks away, entering the store. He follows the smaller man around, carries their coffees and puts bags of food under his arms before following Levi into the deli area. 

''Are you planning on staying again tonight?'' Levi asks him gently. 

''I have a job interview tomorrow morning,'' Erwin responds. ''But there's no issue if I leave from your home.''

Levi gets some different meats and cheeses before trying to subtly grab a bottle of wine. He smiles and follows him more. He'd always follow Levi. They reach the cash register and buy their things. Levi offers to take the paper bag but Erwin denies him, instead taking the outstretched hand in his own. 

And it feels right.

-

The Zacharias couple hadn't travelled too far for their honeymoon, very short and sweet honeymoon, but one nonetheless. They'd taken their boxer along with them for their trip across the state. Erwin admired the photo of his overjoyed friends and Roxy with her head out the window. 

He shut his phone off and leaned back into the bus seats. It was his seventh interview in only a few weeks, and with only silence on his phone from the past companies he spoke to, he wasn't feeling very energized for this next one. Both his father and Levi wished him good luck, Hanji and Moblit tried to keep him in good spirits. It was getting rather difficult, but it wasn't the end of the world. 

Erwin just... Wished that someone would respond. 

With his resume ready and his clothes pressed, he travelled on to his next interview. The blond stepped out and heard the doors shut behind him as he looked up at the closely pressed offices. He searched for 3472, eyes watching the map on his phone before glancing up the building numbers. He finds the right company name and pulls the door open before slipping inside. Its the biggest building in the square, and the most known name. 

He approaches the front desk and is guided to the elevators where he goes up two stories and approaches yet another front desk, simply to be directed to the chairs lined across one wall. Its very clean, very white, and very posh. Erwin feels just a bit out of place as he runs his hand quickly over the front of his shirt, flattening his tie. There are some industrial magazines on the table for him to do some light reading while he waits. 

 **Levi's** scrubbing his hands off when his phone flashes at the moment a notification arrives. He dries his hands and steps out of the bathroom, bringing the message up. Erwin's ecstatic message tells him that the blond was offered a job on the spot. 

He starts in only a couple days. 

-

He's not sure how to feel as Erwin grasps his hand from the passengers seat, simply watching the houses and green covered hills pass them by. Uncertainty rushes through his veins as he finds himself gripping the steering wheel perhaps too tight. 

A foggy mist is lifting gently from the water's surface as he turns his car away, facing instead the driveway leading into the cemetery. The blond refused to let him go alone this time, and though he never met Kuchel in the past, he said that it would be as good a time as any.

''How!?'' he was enraged at Erwin's words. ''She's gone!''

Erwin gently tries to take the other's hands in his own but Levi shrugs him off.

''If its enough for you to talk to her, why can't I talk to her as well?'' he asks. The other stares at him, still with rage in his eyes. He wants to turn from the hand pressing against his shoulder, trailing to his neck and his cheek. ''I might as well meet at least someone from your family, right?''

He hoped it hadn't been that obvious when Erwin asked about his conversation with Kenny. How obvious it had been that Kenny turned the laptop away once Levi spoke about his feelings for another man. Uri was gracious enough to apologize for him, but he wasn't given any support from either of the older men. The blond kept him in his side the rest of that evening and throughout the next day. Levi wasn't surprised, but Erwin was disappointed.

Levi parks and unbuckles, moving to step from the car. The hand still clasping his tightly refuses to let go, bringing Levi's hands to the blond's face. Erwin is reaching into the glovebox, bringing something out. He's unsure if he wants to laugh. 

''I didn't know what your mother would like.'' he speaks so casually of her. ''So I got her daffodils.''

His fingers wrap around the stems lightly as Erwin shows him fully. They're a gorgeous red color, with a single white one in the center of the bouquet. Levi runs his finger across one petal and lets it drop over the fur of the stem.

''She loved daffodils.'' he promises the blond. He looks up to find him smiling lightly and his hand is released. 

They walk quietly, Erwin cradling flowers in his arms as if they were a baby. Levi walks casually, too casually, for his own well-being. The blond is straight-backed, very formal with his actions. 

''Erwin.''

''Hm?''

''She's not actually alive.'' he reminds himself. ''She won't be concerned about how you introduce yourself.''

''I can still be nice to the dead.'' Erwin responds sharply. ''I feel that I should make a good first impression.''

Levi glances back just to check if the blond is fucking with him or not. His face is stone cold serious, and he looks to his toes before continuing on to his mother's headstone. The gifts he left behind previously are lightly worn away, and the flower that's been wilted for the past ten years is still wilted in its place. He's not sure how to introduce them to each other, or even if he should. 

Erwin waits quietly beside him with the flowers still cradled in his arms. 

'' _Hey Ma_...'' he finally whispers. His eyes roam over her carved name, and _loving mother_ beneath it. Most of Kenny's finances were put into that headstone so many years ago. Levi could hate the man for finally abandoning him, but he couldn't help the gratefulness he felt for the man's love towards his baby sister. It kept something in memory of Kuchel, the true, loving mother he spent such a short time with. ''I've brought someone with me today.''

''Hi Ms. Ackerman.'' Erwin's as quiet as Levi as he speaks. They both pause, either waiting for the other to speak, or for her voice to respond, he doesn't know. He does wish her voice would speak to him, would say hi in her happy tone that Levi brought a friend.

''I'm Erwin Smith.'' he speaks with more confidence. ''Your son and I have known each other for a while now, and I'm not sure what he's told you about me-''

Levi doesn't interrupt him. It feels kind of calming to have Erwin speaking to his mother. Or the memory of his mother. Erwin just keeps going, keeps talking. He looks to Levi at one point to check that it was okay to inform the grave that they shared such strong feelings towards each other. The blond smiles once he's allowed and continues talking. He compliments Levi as if he wasn't there, as if he truly was speaking with the woman. Levi just shuts his eyes and listens. It took only a couple minutes for him to visualize his mother standing on the grass, listening to the very pleased, very fast talking Erwin. Her smiling and wrinkles coming out. Her hair graying at the roots. Her look fragile, but it was okay, because old age did that. 

Kuchel, hugging Levi once he gets big enough balls to tell his mother that he's gay, that he's got this stomach churning feeling for him anytime he smiles, for this incredible man. Kuchel, asking about grandkids, or taking them out to dinner. Making them food, inviting them for tea. Embarrassing Levi with stories no human should have to hear about him as a baby. Showing baby photos of Levi to Erwin. Kuchel hugging Levi, with her arm's securing him in place and bringing their hearts together. His mother, kissing them both on the cheek and congratulating them on their newfound relationship. 

Levi was in his late twenties, his mother had passed just over two decades ago, and still, he could feel, was not over her death. 

''Levi-?'' Erwin speaks softly, and he feels his warm hand on his wrist. The blond pulls him out in time and he opens his eyes, tears escaping. The blond lowers the flowers in a rush and brings his arms around him. He stands in an open field and weeps into Erwin's shirt, quietly calling for his mother. 


	32. Epilogue

The blond makes no action to pull away, or to quiet Levi. He even pets his hair down and hums softly to him, kissing his head at certain times. He cries, and continues crying until his throat burns lightly and his head hurts. His eyes do not lift to face worried blue ones, but look to the grass between their feet. His forehead sits against a muscled chest and large hands rub up and down his sides gently, a kiss planted into his crown softly.

Erwin doesn't force his head up, or rush him. Levi goes on his own accord to look up at him. The blond wipes Levi's face off using a dry part of his shirt, causing Levi to laugh gently.

''You don't think I've ruined your shirt enough today?'' he asks him. The blond shakes his head, smiling though still showing clear worry in his eyes.

''No.'' the blond responds. He kisses Levi gently, in public, outdoors, in front of the gravestone and on top of her grave before pulling away gently. ''It's warm enough out, it'll dry.''

Levi keeps his hand on Erwin's waist as he tries communicating to his mother's headstone. He stammers, trips over his words, coughs when he feels the tears trying to come back to him. But he comes out with it, tells her everything a worried mother might want to know about her son. He tells her about meeting Erwin over again, about the conversations they'd had. When they first started dating, and about coming out to Kenny. He admits to her and to Erwin that he was scared, scared he'd receive more than a disappointed look and being abandoned. But he goes on, explaining to her that there was no way he could change from it.

Of course she doesn't respond.

Erwin bends over and picks the daffodils up, holding them to Levi.

''Are you sure she likes daffodils?'' he asks the smaller man gently. Levi crouches and pulls the wilted flower from its vase, stepping back as it crumples to dust in the palm of his hand.

''She likes them a hell of a lot more than some dead thing on her headstone.'' he promises.

They place the flowers in the vase together, facing towards the sun ahead of them. The couple step back as the flowers fall back to them, facing the two. He feels Erwin's hand rub between his shoulders as the daffodils roll lightly as they come together.

Kuchel would be proud of Levi no matter what.

She simply couldn't show it. 

-

''You're very quiet.'' Erwin tells him when they reach the blond's home. 

''I know.'' he speaks quickly. 

The blond doesn't like pressing matters too much, not verbally. He leans against the doorway of the kitchen as Levi approaches. The smaller man cranes towards the bedroom and hears the other follow him almost instantly. He opens the door and collapses onto the mattress in the center, groaning long into the pillow. The bed dips beside him and a warm hand touches him in consolidation. 

''I didn't want to cry like a child like that.'' he tells him. ''I was... Little when she died.''

Erwin doesn't speak, simply lays down beside him and massages his shoulder. 

''I should be...''

''I didn't know your childhood,'' Erwin states. ''But how much time did you have to properly grieve.''

It was all rushed. At least to his tiny mind it had been. He remembers mostly coming home to find her gone, sitting beside her for days until Kenny came. That was the most prominent. Next, his memories jumbled them together. A plane, the funeral where some words were said and she was put in the ground. Then he was moving with Kenny to some new part of Illinois that he'd never been to and going to school, being forced to make new friends, meeting Kenny's past military mates and suddenly he was becoming friends with Church and Magnolia. 

''I don't think I ever did... Funeral wasn't much, and Kenny sure as shit didn't talk about emotions.''

''Never with... your military friends?''

''They weren't just military.'' he's one tone away from sounding snappy. He rolls back into Erwin's chest as an apology that he hopes Erwin can understand. ''Mentioned it. Once... Or twice... We were mainly drunk whenever they got something out of me like that.''

The blond nuzzled his nose lightly behind his ear as he hummed softly in response. 

''Sorry.'' he responds. ''Maybe you just need time to make it up to yourself. You might have thought you healed, but you could've just pushed it far back to make room for other things.'' Erwin slips his arm under Levi's and his fingers linger on his chest. He hooks his own through the blond's. 

''Well that's great.'' he states flatly.

''You're still working through F-Church and Magnolia.''

''You can say their first names. That's why they have them.''

''I wasn't sure-''

''How sensitive I am? Yeah, I'm not either. Especially after my fit today.''

''It wasn't a _fit_ , _**Levi**_.'' Erwin tells him strictly. ''It was letting things out. You haven't given yourself time for things. Like... Healing from your past and your actions. There's a lot I still don't know about you, but you've told me about the things that have affected you the most. There's still things I'm going to go through, and you have to face that you're going through things still as well.''

Levi sighs and turns his head to look at the blond. Erwin raises his head to see him better and he feels a thumb rub at his sternum. 

''I'm sorry.'' Levi tells him. Erwin shakes his head and kisses him softly on the cheek, shutting his eyes. Levi watches him as best he can as lips go higher, on to his head and hairline where the blond lingers at his longer hair. 

''We'll get through this.''

''This?''

''Whatever we face.''

''You're making a promise for a very uncertain future, Erwin. With me, you never know what will happen.''

''Hmm, I guess that's why I talked with you that night.''

Erwin's successful in causing Levi to grin. 

'' _'Couldn't help but think you looked familiar.'_ '' Levi quotes. 

''And of course you had snapped when you caught me staring.'' Erwin responds. ''' _Wanted to do something different but ended up with family tradition, blah blah, I'm grumpy and can't smile.'_ ''

''Ey, fuck off,'' Levi tells him, smiling. Erwin's smiling as well. '' _'Do I look like the kind of person with that money?'_ '' 

''That's not how I said it.'' Erwin says, matter-of-factly. The blond nips at his neck and pokes Levi's side, the smaller man jolting and grabbing the other's hands quickly. 

''Yeah yeah,'' he says, grinning and freeing himself from captivity. '' _'Responsibility, grits, brains, whatever they want-'_ ''

'' ** _I have it_**.'' Erwin finishes it for him, pulling him back by his pants and suddenly leaning over him. He pins Levi against the pillows. ''That one, I'll admit, was ridiculous.''

Levi giggles.

''More than stupid.''

''Not as much as your _'There's not much more to see'_ line.'' 

''Was I wrong?'' Levi asks. Erwin looks shocked and insulted that Levi would even ask him that question. 

''What-? Of course you were wrong.'' Erwin sits back on Levi's thighs, resting his hands on the smaller man's stomach. ''You're more than some pilot I started talking to at that dinner. I wouldn't have ever tried getting to know you if I thought you weren't anything more.''

''And how much more is there to me?''

'' **Oceans full** ,'' Erwin responds. He still has a look of bewilderment on his face. ''Christ, Levi,'' he rolls off of him and Levi rolls to face him properly. ''You're the most intricate human I've met in my life. Far more than some military kid.''

''Depressing individual?''

'' _ **No**_ ,'' Erwin's trying his very best trying not to become exasperated. ''More than that. You're very caring, and loving. You're intelligent, and graceful, and though you can be stubborn, I still care about you. I'm glad I get to know you better with every day.''

The smaller man tries the rub away the heat in his cheeks. 

''I'm glad I've gotten to know you. Because I knew you were more than the pilot. And I like being right.''

Levi grins and Erwin's sidling back up to him, hooking his arm around the smaller man and pulling him close. 

''I guess you're more than the Navy SEAL hunk I thought you were.''

''Levi, I'm _blushing_.''

He pries an eye open and tries to turn away. 

''Come on, tell me more.''

''Smart... thinks about more than the military.''

''Hm... We'll try compliments a bit more later on.'' Erwin tells him. Levi crosses his arms and feels the blond kissing him again.

''But I am glad that you gave me your number.''

''Did you think I was doing it to be sexy and hook up with your or if I just wanted to talk?''

''To be honest, I had been hoping you wanted to fuck-''

''I did.'' 

'' ** _But_** , I'd assumed you weren't that interested.''

''You were wrong.''


End file.
